We can't tell you what to do but it might be a good idea for you to attend alanon meetings. You see what the alcohol is doing to your partner, but LOOK at what his drinking is doing to YOU! You need alot of support for yourself and alanon is a great place to find that support. You can google meetings in your area. You will meet others in your shoes and you will learn what worked for them and what didn't work. You will learn how to live a peaceful life without being the enabler. Simply put, you will learn how to live again.

Alcoholism has been called a family disease because every member of the family is negatively affected by that persons drinking!

We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.

God Bless

that is a very frightening idea I dont know if Im ready for. But I feel in some way I do need to get more support amd educate myself.
Im going to start counseling soon, I'll think about alanons.

Hello Ihavethepowertohealmylife,

Although it varies from place to place, approximately one in ten drinkers will become alcoholics. This rarely happens overnight but is instead usually a slow and gradual process that can be difficult to detect and very often the last person to notice it will be the drinker. It is often family members such as yourself who are faced with the difficult question of whether or when they should intervene.

Alcoholism is progressive, meaning that it will not be that bad at the start but will get gradually worse until there is nothing left, unless it is successfully treated. Therefore, I would say not to compare your partner’s drinking with the park bench type of alcoholic’s story. If your partner keeps drinking, he will continue on the downward journey.

What to do about it can be looked at in two parts. The first part is trying to get your partner to address his problem. Maybe he needs professional help for dealing with his traumatic past and that once he has done that he could get back to a more normal relationship with alcohol. However, my guess is that he may be too far down the road to alcoholism and that is only option will be total abstinence from alcohol. If this is the case, he will probably need outside help. You need to be careful about how you broach the subject as an alcoholic who is in denial can become very angry in defending his position. Talk to him when he is sober and let him know how concerned you are about his drinking. Do not judge or accuse him and try not to react if he yells or gets angry. Leave him to think about it for a while and then mention it again. In that way, hopefully he will come to his own conclusions and he cannot say that you pushed him into it.

The second thing to look at is maybe less obvious and it is your own part in all of this. You can certainly be more understanding and you can make a difference but maybe not in the way that you think. Your natural inclination is to try and help your partner but in doing so you may in fact be making matters worse by enabling his drinking. This is where you need support and information so that you can continue to love the drinker but detach yourself from his drinking. Your partner should have to face up to the consequences of his drinking. For example, if he gets sick and makes a mess, don’t clean it up; if he takes time off from work or other responsibilities, don’t cover for him. There are many more ‘do’ and ‘don’ts’ that the partners of alcoholics need to learn about and Al-Anon is a good place to get that information and support.

You may or may not succeed in helping your partner but you can certainly help yourself so maybe that could be your best option.

From what you have stated it sounds like you deeply care for your partner and I understand how hard it is to approach someone struggling with addiction. I highly suggest attending an alanon meeting. You will be surrounded by people who are in a similar situation to you and they will be able to give some advice with how to approach your partner as well as support for you. I hope everyone gets the help and support they need. Good luck!