Hello SheriPrince,

One of the things that helped me the most in early sobriety was to learn the exact reason why I am powerless over alcohol. Some people take things at face value and that is fine too but I needed to know the reasons why I drank in the way that I did and why I had been unable to stop on my own. I often heard people forcefully advising not to lift that first drink but they could not explain why it was the first drink that did the damage.

Doing the same thing over and over and expecting that it will be different this time is the insanity of alcoholism. It matters not that I am sober for one week, one year or for decades if I am an alcoholic and I take a drink, I will always want more.

It was suggested to me that I would need to find a way of changing my thinking so that sanity would be restored and the obsession for alcohol would be gone.

I was at a intergroup meeting in Tuscon back in 2001 and was talking to a long time member during the break and she said "If you dont stand for Something you'll fall for Anything" I thought at that moment how profound and true that had been during Most of time I've been Sober and thought I'd share it with You as I think it fits well with your topic:)))
Billy

Hi Sher,
I understand how you feel. When I start to drink I lose my control to moderate and right then I don't care anymore. I'm starting to feel more powerful by staying free of alcohol and that being my choice everyday.

I have only told or talked about my alcohol addiction to those here and my wife, who is wonderful and has never shamed me. But yesterday I was in the sauna talking with some guys and they started talking about drinking. It felt so good and powerful to just say "I live alcohol free". Those words coming out of my mouth were incredible to me. One guys said he wants to another said he was young and had plenty of time... my only reply was it's hard to stop, and felt sad for the young guy.

If we don't use alcohol the powerlessness can't take hold and we can live a life that is authentic. I think that will not only put power in our lives but it will let us love ourselves again.

Best to You

It's not the last drink that gets us in trouble, it's the first drink.

GC: I like how you just said 'I live Alcohol Free' to your friend. I would normally stay silent. And if someone asked me if I wanted a drink, I would meekly say 'no thank you'. But to be strong and own it and have a matter of fact attitude is powerful in itself.
PJ: Other then it's a chemical imbalance, or I'm 'allergic' to alcohol. Every time I drink the outcome is the same. I spend all my money on the stuff. Neglect the care and wellbeing of myself. And put myself in constant danger of losing family, my job, etc.
I'm just tired of living like that. Everyone is worth so much more than that.
EVERYONE!!!

I have the power not to take the first drink. Once I do the compulsion, which is now hard wired in the brain, takes over. Will power gets overridden by the compulsion. It wants a second drink ,a third,and so on. Many intellectuals don't understand how the primitive brain works.

There is nothing mystic in the nature of addiction. The alcohol/drugs/addictive behaviors all hijack the natural incentives/rewards circuits in our brain. These are extremely powerful, old phylogenetically circuits, as they are involved in our survival as individuals. They are part of our egos. (as you know, egos know one thing: I WANT IT AND I WANT IT NOW!!!)
These circuits, once initiated, are self perpetuating for a while, before getting exhausted. This is why they are like waves - powerful but transient. That is the base of the craving surfing method of going through the urge - observe yourself with curiosity until the urge passes.
These circuits are enforced every time you give in to the craving, and get weaker (but do not disappear) every time you resist it. in other word, it is the tale of two wolves: the one you feed will win!
As many here would agree, it takes efforts to learn to do this. Mediation and several other methods are very helpful, but again, they need practice. You dont have to become Buddha, just work a little every day on it.
I am reluctant to use the word powerless, as it does not sound true to me. My lasting results came after I understood the real reasons I drank and the physiological bases of addiction: avoid feelings of fear and pain in life. As it turned out, pain (even physical) will not kill me, and fear is a useless emotion.
Now I learned to watch myself from aside, many time amazed how stupid the confabulations with myself are.
I am careful not to sound the fanfares as if Ive won, as I know these circuits will get alive from time to time, probable for life, but they are getting much, much weaker. I just need to remind myself that from time to time, and be prepared when the worm of doubt begins digging imperceptibly underneath.
It is journey, and an exiting one. I firmly believe the fight against my addiction made me a better person in the long run.

Ditto Jtsang!!

http://www.buddhanet.net/bvk_study/bvk209.htm

Be a participant ....Oh yah...A Active participant in your own life;))))

I don't feel powerless. Not to anything, certainly not to booze. Maybe I would if I took a drink, but there's no way I'm going to do that. I never had a problem drinking until a couple of years ago, when I needed to pickle my brain, and I turned into a drunk. Not a crazy drunk, but very steady. I worked my ass off to get through all that shit, and now I'm a powerful person. I am the same as Impermanence. I have the power to not take that first drink, which means all the booze in the world doesn't mean a rats ass. Just keep not taking that first drink and moderation is yours forever.

Are you still sober? You'll have a ton of revelations with a clear, clean sober mind. Good luck.

I am still sober. Praise God. But it is funny, how each day changes. When I originally wrote this it was day 2, and with advise, and song I heard on the radio (it sang of New Beginnings), I was feeling strong, and empowered. But day 4, I just got home from work, and am tired. So today, not feeling as strong as day 2. Luckily I've already change for bed, and there is no alcohol in the house. So no real chance of relapse right now. :)

I'm nearing 60 days sober. I still don't have the power and I'm envious of those who do. If I have to leave my house today, the craving to buy is HUGE. Today, it's one hour at a time.

Congratulations SheriPrince! It a hard won battle but it's worth it!

I know sometimes it gets so hard! I'll be pretty happy then a little later it's like... this sucks! I want a beer. I haven't had any going on 4 weeks. I guess it does seem to get some what easier. If you can get by the first few minutes it's not so bad. And now I am so happy to have made it through another weekend with no alcohol. I really don't want to drink but I do want to have a few bees and kick back. haha I guess I am still conflicted. I still have some beer in the garage and I "am going to get rid of it" but I am not going to drink it.

MiseR: Good luck to you. Just stay away from convenient stores, maybe that will help.
GC: I don't know how you do it with alcohol in the house. The alcoholic mind would convince my sober mind to give in. Great job on your 4 weeks.