wow not good at giving advice but, I have been sober will be starting 4 months on the 1st of Jan. Seen my wife today and we discussed a little of what you wrote there. Don't know how she put up with me doing the 12 pk thing every night for 25 years. Just got done reading the first 5 chapters of the big book AA goes by. If your husband isn't an alcoholic, he sure fits into the problem drinker category I do believe? It took my wife leaving for awhile to get me to come to grips with my destructive ways.

Hello Imichels13,

The very mention of doctors or anything medical would have me running a mile in record time so I cannot advise you on those things. What I can tell you though is that although my own health has improved a lot since I stopped drinking, I still get a lot of those small ailments that you describe. Doctors sometimes dont take those things seriously and that can make it difficult for us men to face up to talking about it or doing what should be done.

My own drinking came to a point where health issues that were not apparent during many years of drinking suddenly became a problem inside a very short time and that was one of the reasons why I decided to stop. I would also have described myself as a functioning alcoholic but then I heard somebody say: Functioning, compared to what and that described my situation perfectly. Part of the problem was that I didnt know what made someone an alcoholic and therefore I didnt think that I was one. When I finally realised that I was an alcoholic I found that I had gone past the point where I could stop drinking on my own. Then I lost all hope because I thought I could not live without alcohol and knew that I had to stop but could not. Desperation drove me to an AA meeting and that was where I learned that I need never drink again. Maybe your husband is as uneducated about alcoholism as I was.

Whatever medical symptoms your husband has now, his health will almost certainly get worse if he continues to drink. If I were you I would concentrate more on dealing with his drinking and then other things are more likely to fall into place. Is he prepared to stop drinking? Is he willing to look for help? You cannot do it for him but you can encourage him to do it for himself. Sadly, if your husband is not ready to stop drinking, the major complications are probably just starting.

Al-Anon may be a good place for you to learn how to look after yourself and avoid unnecessary complications.

unless he wishes to get help....he will drink until he dies or decides that he wants to quit....the ailments are age sneaking up on us

very well put pj54 yeah I also didn't know what the definition of an alcoholic was, so I didn't believe myself to have a big problem. But my problem got worst with time. I havnt thought about a beer in almost 3 months. But reading the big book is bringing a lot of memories to the front of my brain. Maybe I shouldn't read to long at one time I guess.

You might want to try Al-anon as they understand things from your perspective. \There is nothing you can do to help him until he recognises that he needs help. I have heard many alcoholics share in meetings that their wives/partners went to Al-anon and that was instrumental in them getting sober. Al-anon will help you to recognise times when you are enabling your husband to drink. That is very important because you may think that you are helping him but you may be making it worse.

Good luck!

Perhaps you could try alanon? They can help you.

Alcoholism is a progressive and fatal illness. It can take years or people can destruct fast.

But you can be healthy even if he refuses.
Just know you can't will him drunk, or sober!

The only person you can change is yourself.

who you describe is not a functional alcoholic. He's a drunk and you center your life around him. Even though he has a job, he's not giving 100% to it during the week. Not if he actually is as you describe.

Please go to Al-Anon. Try it for one week and see if who they describe is you. You deserve a life without living a "Groundhog Day" existence.

You have to worry about you . He is not going to Stop drinking until he has had enough. Sometimes enough for some ppl is a coffin. Try alanon to deal with it.

It sounds like you would definitely would benefit from Al-anon. It is for families and spouses of alcoholics. Please attend a meeting a.s.a.p.....you find all the support and education that is needed at this point. I would also leave the a.a. Big Book laying around for him to see...he may pick it up and find himself within the pages.

Thank you for your comments - I do appreciate the responses. I did go to an Al-Anon meeting. I couldn't relate because the people there were all parents of alcoholics. I have contacted CADA house and Hope Center in my area hoping to find a support group who fit more the 'Wives of Alcoholics' category with no luck. Online sites help alot. I just want to comment on mcmicks final sentance regarding his wife leaving for awhile to come to grips with his addiction. I left my husband 4 months ago and unfortunately he could care less. He doesn't have a problem.

Here is another DS group that you should check out as well:

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/wives-of-alcoholics

Sorry you are going through this.

let him see your reading the big book. not much i can add that is positive about his behavior. i have no experience with al anon. just AA. for me it took, finding out my ex wanted a divorce, the doc telling me i had hep c and the worst thing i could do was drink. the last time i took a drink it took me 32yrs to sober up. that was the problem, the solution was falling low enough to crawl into a meeting of a bunch of drunks like me. after 2yrs of hearing "i cant take the first drink" it finally got through my thick skull. and that if i talked to other drunks they could help keep me sober. taking what i could from them and offering my experiences. of course the top spot belongs to my HP. i cracked the door and He did the rest.

leaving him may b the only way u can help him. im sorry to say that. thats my experience. after my divorce i had a girlfriend that i cared for. she drank. obviously more than she should (for her size and weight). i could only take a yr of it. in AA i learned that my HP gives me the right to walk away from people whose behaviors i dont like. doesnt mean i dont love them. doesnt mean im mean to them, i just dont have to deal with their behavior. u need to worry about u. come on DS and talk to people, get some support. u can find all kinds of support online without leaving home. i always say to spouses read some of the AA book for a look at what alcoholics r like. u might learn something about your husband. we love u and just want to help

DAILY REFLECTIONS
DECEMBER 28th

SUIT UP AND SHOW UP

In A.A. we aim not only for sobriety we try again to become citizens of the world that we rejected, and of the world that once rejected us. This is the ultimate demonstration toward which Twelfth Step work is the first but not the final step.

AS BILL SEES IT, p. 21

The old line says, "Suit up and show up," That action is so important that I like to think of it as my motto. I can choose each day to suit up and show up, or not. Showing up at meetings starts me toward feeling a part of that meeting, for then I can do what I say I'll do at meetings. I can talk with newcomers, and I can share my experience; that's what credibility, honesty, and courtesy really are. Suiting up and showing up are the concrete actions I take in my ongoing return to normal living.

From the book Daily Reflections
Copyright 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.