Barry hang in there you're not on your own.


http://www.thefix.com/content/hitting-a-wall-in-sobriety-10051?page=all

Drinking is bad, staying isolated and depressed is bad, reaching out is better...feels really hard some days but its better

P

Hello bbarton8161,

Depression is a terrible condition and I cannot claim to have any answers as it is something that requires professional input. My own experience has been that I felt depressed for many years from about the mid-teens probably for about twenty years. I am not claiming that this would work for anyone else but it did work in my case.

What happened was that I read a version of the Serenity Prayer in a newspaper many years ago and although I disregarded the second and third parts at the time for reasons I cannot recall, I took the first part on board:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

Part of the problem that I had was that I concerned myself with many things that were outside of my control such as foreign wars, famines, politics etc.

Depression disappeared completely and did not return until drinking got out of control. It was during the last couple of years of heavy drinking that I could find the old feeling of depression gradually creeping back. I suspected that before long the serenity that I had enjoyed for many years would soon be in the past and depression would once again become a reality. That was one of the reasons among many that I decided that I would have to get help to stop drinking.

What I found was that by making use of the Twelve Step programme of Alcoholics Anonymous in order to stay sober, many other aspects of my life improved dramatically. Now I try to make use of not only the first part of the Serenity Prayer but also the second and third parts:

The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

It goes without saying that professional help is vital in dealing with depression. However, there are also some things that you can do for yourself and learning a new way of thinking through the Twelve Steps is something worth considering.

Hi Barry,

You definitely are not unique. I have a no fault mental condition (bi-polar) in addition to destructive alcoholic/drug addict use. Booze to take my mood down a bit and coke to lift my mood. I labored under the assumption that booze and drugs were causing all my mental problems. While booze and drugs did exaggerate my underlying mental condition and made me violent quitting was no where near the complete solution. Without the booze and drugs I didn't destroy stuff and have any legal problems, but I was crazy as a bed bug and couldn't sustain relatively sane/contented sobriety. I was physically sober, but dangerously deluded at times.

In some cases mental conditions clear up on their own simply by quitting. In my case, (I've seen the figure placed at around 50%) my mental state did not improve by quitting, no matter how hard I tried in AA . AA helped a bit in other areas.

In my case the mental illness got worse after quitting, as I no longer had alcohol and drugs to take the edge off. I am on maintenance meds since 1996, and since then sobriety is easier to maintain and life isn't nails on a chalk board as much (lol). Please be patient and work closely with your psychiatrist to get the proper medication mix and levels. It is a pet peeve of mine that many people get their meds from their family doctor. Would you go to your family doctor for other serious conditions rather than a specialist? I still see mine every 3 months, more if needed, mostly as a med check. Sadly, he is retiring after 21 years of working together.

Mental conditions such as depression are treated best with a combination of meds and therapy. When I attended AA I considered my psychiatrist my sponsor, and in a way did the 12 steps with him, although neither of us called it that...

Sobriety is not about "being good", it's about getting well and having a life worth living. Your mind is lying to you, trying to get you back to your default, which is D+D.

Surely you remember those days of shame, guilt + remorse? If that's not depression, I don't know what is.

Barry, I'm a drunk first, a psych nurse second. You might benefit by inpatient care. You are too valuable to the world to take yourself out of it. You don't sound like you're recovered from that mental crash. I hope you seek help, if only with your GP. God Bless, Dianna

I've been depressed at times but never to the point of contemplating suicide. Hang in there and try to find something to be thankful for every day.

I was like that 5 weeks ago. I thought, Its not an option. Suicide
is not an option. This too shall pass. This too shall pass. And
thoughts of it are gone. Life is still hard but not all the time. Youve
helped me to keep coming back to dailystrength, your sharing
your experience. Thank you Barry.

Geez Barry,
I certainly know where you're coming from. I was just telling my therapist yesterday that if I can't be happy, then I'd just rather be drunk. I have also attempted suicide several times. And also wondering which is worse - being so depressed it is absolutely debilitating or just being intoxicated where I don't have to feel anything.
Please hang in there. Eventually the depression will lift, at least for a while.

Hugs, Deogee

Please seek professional help.

If you have been sober for a while and you are feeling depressed and suicidal you should see your doctor. If you are on meds for depression, perhaps you should have them reevaluated.

A good number of people drink because they are self medicating because of an existing mental condition -- that could be the case for you. That doesn't mean you should drink -- you shouldn't. Stay sober, get help, and hopefully you'll start feeling better.

Dam this makes me remember when I was right where you are! Couldn't live drinking and couldn't live sober. There is hope bb. I suggest trryng to hone in on the why I drank to hide from me. I was ashamed of myself. I can't explain the reason but I wanted to be away from me. I suggest chatting with some other ppl face to face. You deserve to live and be happy. U can do it!
1-2

Barry, suicide is common recovering addicts! Been there! The physical withdrawals a a piece of cake compared to the lingering depression that can go on for a long time. Horrible, horrible, feelings of loss and isolation! This is the brains way of getting us to eat more pills. 50% of recovering narcotic addicts will attempt suicide because they cannot tolerate a depression this bad.

You need meetings and get lots of phone numbers and call one of they every day or 2 or 3 times a day! Also, my doctor put me on Pristiq, which is one of the newer antidepressent meds and it helped me out tremendously. Please talk to your doctor about it. There is help.

I am speaking to you from experience because, my drug of choice was narcotic pain killers and I only started drinking when I could no longer find pills!

It takes time for your brain to heal, up to a year but I started feeling better after being drug free for about 6 months.

You are doing well to stay clean and sober despite feeling so bad. That, in itself, is a miracle!

God Bless!

Sometimes it just seems so hopeless. My friends think I just want to quit AA and start partying again. I asked one today to please not give up on me. But it is hard to ask that when I am so confused. I cannot and will not go back to that way of living but the depression is so bad that I don't want to live like that. I am not sure where that leaves me. I think I am about to just give up.
Barry

Barry, please listen to what we are all telling you. Besides, you're family and friends would be devastated if you decided to check out of the hotel of life!

We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers,

God Bless!

How are you today?
Please go see a dr. Perhaps you need anti depressants?
You certainly deserve to be happy.
You know drinking will make it worse but perhaps some help will make it better?

In a little better state of mind today. I am going to stay of drugs and alcohol keep going to AA. I guess I will just have to deal with the depression thing as best I can.
Barry

Just as you are getting support for your alcohol/drug addiction I would recommend getting help with your depression if it has been life long and/or is getting in the way of things you want to achieve in life. You said you are on meds. You may already have added a source(s) of support for your depression beyond just the meds...