Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I have been having a really hard time admitting the truth to myself lately. You see, I have been 16 months sober, and in the past month I have been questioning whether I really was an alcohic, and wonder if I can "try" drinking again. I quit on my own and did not attend AA until I was 7 months in, and I didn't get a sponsor until It was a year. I smoked a little pot in the beginning, and have used coke a few times with my husband. He is a daily pot smoker, and now drinks 2-3 times a week, and it has bothered me from time to time but I have not even been tempted with the bottles here when I am by myself, which is quite often. I have been to 3 weddings, on a cruise and a week long road trip vacation with my husband to Maine. I have taken 10 college courses, and passed with A's, and have improved my health, and my work abilities since quitting drinking, and I usually have a brief craving for a drink, and shake it but lately I want a drink and in my head I can have only one or two and then stop, and wait a few weeks before having another. I used to drink wine but am really grossed out at the thought of it, so not even sure what I would drink. I am just starting step 4 with my sponsor who BTW does not know about pot and coke, she is way older than me and I have not told her. And when I say I had pot, I've never been a fan so one or two hits is all about once every 2 months, a 3 lines of coke, 4 times in 16 months.
Part of me says I would be so stupid to start drinking again, another part says, I didn't have a control problem with it until after my nephew died a few years before. Sometimes I think although I am an educated professional woman in her fourties, I not being realistic. When I mentioned that I want a drink to my daughter or my husband they ask why now? I've been 16 months and I must have wanted a dirnk before this and didn't drink.
Please give me honest, caring advice. And please don't preach at me or judge me. I am that I am.
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
I remember I had 4 years of sobriety and I stopped going to meetings thinking I didn't need help to stay sober anymore. About 6 months later, my life took a turn for the worse and I didn't put two and two together. I had lost my job ran into some financial problems and my wife divorced me. On top of all that, I severed a thumb in an accident at home!
Then I relapsed. It didn't last very long. I called my sponsor, and he picked me up and took me to a meeting. We had a long talk on the way. He told me that everyone gets complacent after a few years of sobriety and they stop doing the things that kept them sober. He told me how cunning and baffling this disease really is and it creeps back into our life during our weakest hours, when we least expect it!
At the meeting he took me to, there was an older man who shared a story. He said, "I was sober for 6 years. I walked into a bar thinking I would have two drinks and leave....Long story short, I drank for the next 15 years!" It reminded me of my counselor telling me that there is no cure for this disease, only control so I focused my total attention toward getting it back under control and when I did that, my life changed for the better, I had money coming from places I didn't expect, my relationships improved, and I got a new job I really liked. On top of all that, my ex wife wanted to get back together!
The 12 promises of AA were coming true before my eyes and are summed up in number 12. "We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves."
Then it goes on to say: "Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us -
sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them!"
God Bless
The sneaky thing is that we start feeling better and back to annoying life and that couple of drinks seems so harmless. But it would lead to me back drinking every day. I am an alcoholic. I like the feeling of the effect so much I will be dead in no time.
I have to say I get so much more done while I’m alive.
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But I know that’s not the case. If I start smoking weed, even occasionally before I start drinking again, and then I’ll be trying to sleep with my friends’ wives, my wife’s friends, my female coworkers. my female neighbors.
I can’t tell you what to do. If you’re AA, and I know you quit via willpower, but honesty is critical. I personally would reset my date after the pot and coke.
I strongly suggest not going back to drinking. There’s a reason you quit.
I commend you for putting this out there. I think that’s the sobriety in you fighting to stay sober. I’m happy you posted.
Be honest with your sponsor, I know you may not think because pot and coke are not your drugs of choice, you would prefer to drink if you did anything, but a drug is a drug is a drug. And drinking or drugging are all part of addiction and part of the disease. So you have to get honest with yourself. When your in recovery, there is nothing that is considered okay if it's a street drug and not meds for legit medical reasons, you have broken your sobriety. Sobriety does not just mean drinking, it means drugs too.
One drink is too many for alcoholics, and that's just the way it is when you have this disease, you can try to rationalize the shit out it, but the facts are you cannot drink ,...EVER. So call your sponser and get to a meeting and get honest with yourself first....
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I previously went almost 11 months sober and questioned if I could be a regular drinker again. I was dating someone who would occasionally have a glass of wine when we went out and I finally gave in to my desire. I was okay for a couple weeks, but then my old ways came back stronger than ever, and I started to include weed and coke into the mix. I couldn't really understand what was going on until I read the book "Alcohol Explained" by William Porter, who explains that our brain naturally produces stimulants to offset the analgesic affects of alcohol. For those who drink a lot over time, the amount of stimulants produced are substantially higher than the casual drinker, and eventually affect your sleep and recovery period. This is why we can't be just satisfied with one drink like others. In addition, this psychosomatic response doesn't change even if we quit for awhile, but resumes it same response whenever we start drinking. In effect, we can never be normal drinkers.
This is why the first of the 12 steps has become my mantra: I admitted that I am powerless over alcohol. Sounds like you're having doubts about this and questioning your position. Your apparent responsible use of weed and coke are possibly bolstering your doubt, but like others have suggested, I think this is dangerous territory. It's your life, but I think it's time you drop the other drugs as well and live a more transparent life with your sponsor and more importantly, yourself. Wishing you the best!