Go back to your meeting . Raise your hand and ask for help. This is a disease you're fighting and without help it is too much for us. If you're serious about quitting it will show in the ACTIONS that you take.
Greg

Those people at the meeting understand exactly what went wrong because they've been there too. I used to go through an "if only stage".

If only I'd have stopped a little earlier
If Only I'd have had a little less to drink that night when I got in trouble
If only I'd have made some changes when I thought about stopping a few years ago.

It is what is is, and we can only begin changing from the point where we are right now, today.

The way that you currently feel is very common for a person who is just beginning to grasp the idea that they need go get sober. Just keep moving forward and continue to share your experiences with other alcoholics who've been there.

Hello asthmasucks,

It can take many years for drinking to get out of control or it can happen quickly. Generally speaking women develop problems with alcohol faster than men probably because of lower body mass and there can also be more health damage done in a shorter time.

There are often background issues such as the depression you have described which lead people to drinking. The problem is that while alcohol works for a while it is in fact a depressant and so it makes the problem worse. The blue book that you got is probably the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous) and it will tell you a lot about alcoholism. The Doctors Opinion, at the start of the book explains a bit about the problem and the first 164 pages offer a solution to that problem.

Keep going to the meetings and reading the book and after a while you can decide if there is further action that you need to take. The meetings can help with depression but very often it is necessary to see the professionals as well. You have made a good start so keep with it and give yourself the chance to find sobriety and a happy life.

You know what? It was not as important for me to know what went wrong in my life. I actually dwelled in that for years-what went wrong, and it certainly did not fix it!

When I decided that I was not going to do the stuff that was making my life a mess any more-and clearly the first thing for me was to stop drinking, the "wrong" in my life got a lot more fixable. I am still on my journey of fixing it, but before I quit the booze, nothing was fixable-NOTHING. Just made things worse.

Hey-read some of the stories in the back of that book-I liked them a lot and they helped me see that I was not so weird and alone in my struggles.

You developed an allergy to alcohol. An irreversable allergy. Our brain chemistry and metabolism doesn't jive with alcohol.

It's not the end of the world, by any means. In fact, it is the beginning of an awesome useful life - without alcohol!