Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
Being a mom, wife, and nurse I have set myself up as the solver of all problems. I once had a brilliant professor who saw the natural caretaker in me and gave me the best advice (that I failed to use). She told me that if someone tried to hand you their problem to solve you should look at that problem as the monkey on their back that they are trying to hand off to you to take care of for them. She advised to kindly say to them, "I'm sorry, but that's not my monkey!'. You could advise them on the proper care of the monkey, but you could not take the monkey from them because it would now be your monkey. I am starting to exercise this philosophy and not take others problems on as mine to solve for them. This morning my husband texted me that a friend wanted to come over for the night and hunt with him in the morning. Our upstairs is not in order as I just took down the Christmas decorations and the kids were here (upstairs) over the holidays. Instead of getting frustrated with the request or stressing myself out about how I was going to be able to get home from work and get the upstairs cleaned for his company. I just responded, that's great but you are going to need to clean the upstairs before he arrives. His response was "oh...Okay". Wow!! It's just that easy! Came home after a hard day at work and didn't even think about drinking!
Pretty sure it was saying no to the monkey that made that possible! Just a thought for those that used alcohol to avoid or control stress!
Pretty sure it was saying no to the monkey that made that possible! Just a thought for those that used alcohol to avoid or control stress!
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Dick Van Dyke’s path to sobriety was a turning point in his life and career. Here’s what happened:How He Got SoberStruggles and Realization: Van Dyke began drinking as a teenager, largely to cope with shyness and social anxiety. Alcohol made him feel more comfortable in social settings, but over time, his drinking spiraled out of control. By his mid-40s, he recognized that he had an addictive...
Alcoholics are often notorious people pleasers and get attracted to individuals, who have a need to control others, or the roles may be reversed and the alcoholic is the control freak. I do not think that I was ever a people pleaser as such and would often do what I thought was the right thing even when the crowd were doing the opposite. One of the things that interest me is how people follow the herd and do things that are against their beliefs just because one person jumps and the rest follow blindly.
I could not understand how I could think and act independently on many issues but in other matters, I fell into the people pleasing role. An article that I have read recently (see link below) may hold the answer because it refers to having a People Pleasing Pattern, where a person may be independent in many ways but be a people pleaser in certain situations.
https://personal-growth-programs.com/people-pleasing/
Anyway, I am glad that you not opening up that monkey sanctuary.
Delegate.
You did well!
not many ppl make it this long, but you seem to be starting your sober journey in stride.
keep it up! How many days now?
1is2
People pleasing was a problem for me in the drinking days because I was full of fear but also I was equally guilty of an aggressive attitude if I felt threatened. There was not much "middle of the road" attitude in my behaviour in general, whatever aspect was examined. Fear really did rule me.
I'm glad I am not so fearful today and I have been taught a way of living and seeing things in sobriety that helps me live in a happier and more contented way. I'm still learning, always will, it's all about the journey for this alcoholic!
I have never heard the monkey expression before!