i know what you mean about missing out on all the fun, when i think of peeople my age going out and partying , i used to wish tht i could do that, and it did hit me like it hit you, i realized i would never be able to do that, i lived a double live for a long time, when you say a high /buzz do you really think alcohol will give that to you? at 22 im into my music , my fast music too, and danced round in my room and wanted it to go further thinking maybe a few bottles will spice the night up a bit, but i know where alcohol takes me.
my buzz /high right now is actually not waking up with a hangover and fear and regret form the next night.

you dont have to drink to have a good time you really dont, it will pass and when it does you will be thankful for it, i know i was, that acceptance kicked in.

take care and be good to yourself, ;)

Mayday, on your profile it says you have 66 days sober. Good job, why blow it because you're restless tonight?

You said you probably wouldn't get caught..isn't it yourself you'd have to answer to? I would think that too, "who would know?". The answer was always that I would know and I would feel like a worthless loser after the fact.

I would think "I'll just drink tonight". Have you heard of any other alcoholics that drank "just tonight" and didn't do it again tomorrow because they either

a) felt shitty & wanted a drink to make the hangover go away or

b)figured "well, I've already f'ed up, why not continue"

I know for me, one night of bein crazy & getting drunk will not be worth all the pain & misery that will follow. I also know that one night will NEVER be "just one night"...

but that's just me......

I hope you choose wisely, think of the consequences now..before you act on impulse, boredom & desire.

Hey HC, impulse, boredom and desire yep that seems to about sum it up! but I'm not 66 days sober, I'm just not sure how to change that, I have done about 30 though. I think I'm begining to understand what people mean by feeling empty and constantly needed a fix and trying to hide my true colours and the thing is I didn't suffer any great tragedy in my childhood, my parents aren't alcoholics I just don't seem to be able to cope with life like everybody else does its like life itself is not enough for me, I don't want to die and I don't want to live forever and I remember feeling this same way when I was like 8 years old which doesn't fill me with much hope that i'm ever going to find a way to live

HI, boy do I remember getting up and dancing to that music or getting out at that age (your age, 29), but I don't miss the next morning blues, hangover, etc.

I was 29 the first time I went into rehab, and it was the best decision I could have ever made that would benefit me and my whole family and life.

I learned how to go out to the bars with my girlfriend after a little time had past, and was able to even get up and dance and have a good time without drinking. That was how the program AA worked for me!

For now though sounds like you could go to more AA meetings, then maybe have some of the girls over and have a great time with them! I had many great times sober...and remembered them ALL! and no hangovers! Whoot!

Keep sharing tonight and that until you feel better.

you just told on yourself. good job! now, you know you can't do it.

Hey! Well I guess if I was in your shoes I would goto a meeting and share that I have a burning desire and see what happens. I do wish you the best of luck and hope you do exactly that. GOG bless

Mayday, what you describe is the 'hole in the soul'. The emptiness; the not quite fitting in; the feeling different. At AA meetings I would say I hear that in 9/10 stories irrespective of family upbringing. I know that was me.

The Big Book refers to it as 'restless, irritible and discontent'.

I stayed sober on willpower for the first 3 months and then I got a sponsor and started to work the program. It is through this program I am learning to live a contented life and to accept that I am ok just as I am (and, yep, I can even smile in the mirror at myself nowadays too).

When I feel I am 'missing out', I just remember the consequences of my drinking. Alcohol sure was costing me more than money without any shadow of a doubt.

Well done for 30 days and for posting your feelings here, you are doing great.

To me there just another day like a thursday or a tuesday. You have to find something that works for you.There is a hell of alot of things to do other then think of drinking.After I got sober I got alot of better and new friends. i always find something to do, whether it be going to a movie or just browsing at the mall. Or go for a hike. You have to replace the negative thinking with positive thinking, if you don't you will drink again and again.We in AA have more fun then any drunk party I have been too. Go to an AA roundup or something like that, out here every august they have Mad dog daze, it's awesome. They have dancing, meetings, food, fellowship. Hopefully one day you will find the steps helpful, take care.

Just don't, I was like that yesterday, I had even a a Heineken lorry go past me whe I was reminded I had 6 months!