Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I've been sober for 51 days today. I've been attending AA meetings and have a great sponsor. I do know that I'm not the "same person" I was when I was drinking. I have days that I'm just "down" because I still miss my "friend" (vodka). I see people around me drinking on the weekends and sometimes I HATE it and some days I'm fine with it.
When I'm frustrated and feeling down, I tell my husband to just try to support me. To understand me. Just to ask me how I'm doing... I feel like we've hit a bump in the road because I've changed. Like I'm down more than up lately.
What advice can I tell my husband? What can I do to ensure while I'm still learning life without alcohol and going through these ups and downs that we will be stronger on the other end?
Thoughts? Help?
When I'm frustrated and feeling down, I tell my husband to just try to support me. To understand me. Just to ask me how I'm doing... I feel like we've hit a bump in the road because I've changed. Like I'm down more than up lately.
What advice can I tell my husband? What can I do to ensure while I'm still learning life without alcohol and going through these ups and downs that we will be stronger on the other end?
Thoughts? Help?
I was advised not to look to my husband for support but mention Alanon to him. He didn't go but that was up to him, I was also advised not to debate it with him.
I found I needed to be speaking with other alcoholics at times when I would naturally want support from my non-alcoholic other half. Other alcoholics have "been there" and he hasn't so cannot understand how I feel about alcoholism or give me any advice.
Some marriages come out stronger and some fall apart, there are no guarantees with anything. Yes, I changed in sobriety, but in a way that I knew I would cope with whatever happened, that's where spiritual strength comes in. Husband or no husband, it was all getting better when I took that journey through the 12 Steps. We got better the further away I got from drinking and less needy I became.
This is my own experience.
Are you working the steps? The answers are usually there for us. And you should ask your sponsor this question, as well as other women you admire in the program.
From my perspective, I asked my husband to try Alanon. He still hasnt but I think he should! You might suggest the same?
Then I guess realize that you can't expect to "boil the ocean" by the end of the day. Give it all time. Give sobriety, life in sobriety, the steps, and everything else time. More will and IS revealed. Really;-)
Also don't expect commendations from people for doing what we should do. And that's the next right thing, a day at a time, and not drinking no matter what. That's just life.
And its a joy when we let it be.
Much of what I would have advised has already been suggested by the previous posters and I would agree with what they have said.
When I stopped drinking I told my wife that I would be going to a lot of meetings and she was fine with that. However, she had absolutely no interest in the Big Book or in going to Al-Anon meetings and I was fine with that too. She is not an alcoholic, does not understand alcoholism and has no interest in the subject, providing that I am not drinking. Your husband would not be expected to understand alcoholism either and may find it difficult to grasp the reasons for your down days. That is why it is so important to go to meetings and meet people who do understand.
Use your sponsor and use those telephone numbers that you may have picked up. However, at the end of the day, you should not be coming to depend on other members or even on a sponsor. After you have gone through the Steps, put your faith in a higher power and in the programme of recovery. By doing that you will certainly be stronger on the other end but you cannot change your husband you will need to learn to accept him as he is.