Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I'm a new member and have been drinking on and off the past three weeks as I try to find what will work so that I can stay sober...my longest stretch has been for 5 days. But, today is Day 1 again. I will not give up.
Either way, my boyfriend is the only person I have told about my addiction. I needed to tell someone close to me for support, and knew that he wouldn't judge me. I'm also very close with my mother; we talk on the phone everyday about everything. But she has no idea that I have been struggling with this. I want to tell her in hopes that I will have someone else to support me. However, she is the type of person that thinks she understands alcoholism because she read some articles and had to deal with my dad and her father who are/were both alcoholics.
I want her support, but I don't want to be nagged and am not sure if she will be judgmental or too opinionated. I don't know if she will do more harm than good. Since many of you have been through this before, what are your opinions about this? Is it best to have as much support as possible, or to tread lightly and only tell people if I am certain it will be beneficial?
Either way, my boyfriend is the only person I have told about my addiction. I needed to tell someone close to me for support, and knew that he wouldn't judge me. I'm also very close with my mother; we talk on the phone everyday about everything. But she has no idea that I have been struggling with this. I want to tell her in hopes that I will have someone else to support me. However, she is the type of person that thinks she understands alcoholism because she read some articles and had to deal with my dad and her father who are/were both alcoholics.
I want her support, but I don't want to be nagged and am not sure if she will be judgmental or too opinionated. I don't know if she will do more harm than good. Since many of you have been through this before, what are your opinions about this? Is it best to have as much support as possible, or to tread lightly and only tell people if I am certain it will be beneficial?
How did she react dealing with your dad and her father? However she reacted to them is most likely the same way she will react to you.
On the other hand, no need to give her reason to worry, to nag you or be judgmental. It might be best to tell her after you have the problem under control and are no longer a practicing alcohol.
Are you getting some kind of support, AA, support group, therapy? If not, I wouldn't tell her because you would just be asking her to understand and be supportive while you keep on drinking.
This is just because I am not ready and I also don't want to admit it, then find myself drinking again and look stupid. I think it might be very beneficial for you, but you don't want to be stressed out at the same time. Could you talk to your dad or grandpa at all? My dad has been sober over 30 years and he understands a lot more than my mom, even though she tries. Stick around and lets do this together k!
In this argument there are as many for doing as there is for not doing it and as such this becomes a very personal choice. Once you make that choice you then need to be ready to live with what happens. If mum is very supportive and is best she can then great, however, if the opposite is true then you need to live with that too.
Personally I told my family those that helped I said ta and those that annoyed me I told them where to go.
Wishing you well G8
Ive told some folks based out if this need and its turned out unsatisfactory...on the other hand I have told others just on the basis of being honest and was glad I did. I learned a lot about myself and others when I started to speak a bit more openly.
Me, I spoke with all my family fairly early on...some immediately and others with a bit of reflection first, picking the right moment. Glad I did...it's good to come out of hiding and live more of an open life if you get me :)
P
Other peoples experience will probably not be as important as your own gut feeling in this situation. That said, there are reasons for and against telling your mother at the present time.
When I lost control over drinking I was completely unsure about the future and about whether or not I could ever get sober. For that reason I did not want to tell anyone that I was an alcoholic, reasoning that if I was to keep drinking I would now have the added pressure of other people judging what I was doing and asking awkward questions. I went to AA meetings without much hope or belief but something happened immediately. By the second or third meeting I knew that I had found something special and that I had a good chance of getting and staying sober. After the third meeting I told my wife, the person I needed to deceive the most if I was to keep drinking. It was not really because I wanted or needed her support that I told her but more because it was like getting closure on my drinking experience. Once the genie was out of the bottle there would be no going back.
What I have found was that I needed the support of other alcoholics, people who understood alcoholism and whose mistakes I could learn from. For that reason I went to AA meetings for six days a week for the first three months. It was not until I had started to go through the Twelve Step programme of recovery with a sponsor that I told other family members and it was not for the reason of gaining their support that I told them.
Therefore, based on my experience I would say that it is not really the support of your mother that you need the most but rather the support and understanding of other alcoholics. However, you know your own situation better than anyone else so go with what your instincts tell you.
Is it possible you fear telling your mom, because you know down the road you'll be drinking again and that you don't want to be judged by her because you can't quit?
Focus on yourself and not drinking, and then tell those you need to tell as you feel comfortable.
Sigh. My mom. I grew up in an extremely dysfunctional home. My uncle who is 10 years my mom's jnr, lived with us after his father, my grandfather, committed suicide. He molested me my entire childhood. My mom didnt / couldnt/ wouldnt see it and for that I'm in a state of anger. I'm trying to get to forgiveness.
So there's the back drop. All that said, I told her I'm alcoholic and I told my father too. I also told them I'm sober, in AA, and am happy.
Even though my parents are a dysfunctional mess, they want me to be happy. I'm sure YOUR mom wants you to be happy. So tell her, would be my suggestion, but tell her without expectation of her reaction. Also tell her and tell her you are sober.