Hi Patched, no matter how much you want your husband to get the help he needs, you can't give him the desire to quit. I know the hardest thing in the world is to sit back and watch your loved one destroy himself, but he's got to be the one that reaches out and finds his help. He has to want to quit. Only he can quit. And only he can find what he needs when he is ready, if ever. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink is as true as, You can lead a drunk to a meeting, but you can't make him stop drinking. My advice to you is to seek out an Al-Anon meeting. They are designed to help families of alcoholics. There you can learn how not to enable, which I fear is what you are unwittingly doing. What you can do is pray without ceasing for your husband. God bless and comfort you in this your time of need. ~~~ Scottie

He's gonna have to decide for himself that it's a problem. I didn't until I did something incredibly stupid that could have cost me both my daughter and my girlfriend. I had myself convinced that I was in control of my drinking. It took something pretty drastic to show me that I wasn't.

He has to want it.

And JW, you're pretty young, beware. There are countless alcoholics, including myself who did more than one stupid thing that could have cost ourselves our loved ones.

It usually took me a month or two to screw up again. Once I went six months without drinking - I wasn't trying to quit, but doctor told me my liver needed a rest. The only reason I quit drinking for that period was so that my body could heal to the point where I could safely drink again. How insane is that.

The gentleman has to be sick and tired of being sick and tired. You can't will it on him. Leaving him may make him see the light. But he has to want to quit.

Neither my wife nor kids could make me quit. Only when I was sickened by my behavior did I make a change. And honestly it had nothing to do with drinking. I got to a point where I hated the person I was, and I wanted a change.

I'm a completely different person today.

Hi Patched~~

Want it straight up no chaser? Let your husband own his own problem. You desire to "fix it" is loud and clear but you need to redirect your energy and efforts to yourself. Continue to seek out meetings (Al-Anon), continue to find literature and consider attending a program for families of alcoholics. The best thing you can do is model for him what it looks like to address a very serious problem. Good luck!

The only way an addict will get sober is when they decide.

Helping is actually hurting. My wife never told or offered me any help and finally the pain was too great and I saught help

I will ray for you and him.

1is2many

Hello patchedup,

You have some good suggestions from the above posts and there is not much more that I can add, except to emphasise again the importance of finding an Al-Anon meeting for yourself.

You are powerless over your husbands alcoholism so instead of trying to fix his problem, maybe you should concentrate on your own situation. Is there anything to be achieved by stressing yourself out over something that you cannot fix? Why not instead do one thing that may help by going to that Al-Anon meeting?

Sometimes when they see you start to get better and more detached by getting help from AlAnon, they get curious and go toward sobriety on their own. But again, like everyone else says, you wouldn't want to get better on your own just to try to get him to try sobriety.
Emotional codependency is real. I had it over my son. But I did get better in AlAnon, and now we're both in recovery.
Hugs to you.