Lately, I have been consumed with resentment.  I know it is an offender, and I know it is something that has to be removed, but I also know that AA teaches that we cannot remove it ourselves, and we do have to confess the cause of it, so maybe that will expedite the process.  

I do however think that some of my resentments, simple alcoholism treatment will not be able to remediate.  I do also think that AA is helpful, but some of my resentments and some of my struggles, AA and the AA members just can't seem to connect with.  Accepting that is key.  It's kind of like well off people unable to really understand lower class people from the most impoverished areas and why they are so obsessed with money.  There is a general disconnect there, and the "our way or the highway responses", I can find off-putting and reason to believe that AA, is just AA, not the end all be all of everything to ever exist.  

I do, believe, my own personal resolution to resentment is counter-active to what AA says should be done about them.  I think AA takes a passive approach to individuals resenting, themselves or others, and what do you do if you are an aggressive person that naturally solves problems through confrontation and direct challenges proposed for others to confess why they are doing things to make you resentful?  AA has an approach where you pause, convince yourself the person who is harming you is sick, and then asks you to ask God to give you the ability to forgive them, and then asks you to search within yourself to see how you are similar to them.  Once you find out the similarity, you then ask God to remove that defect.  

I am really kind of losing interest in that passive approach.  I don't find it really solves the problem of being secure within, because it assumes people won't stop what they are doing, and when I realize or believe that someone will in fact harm me always going forward, and I just have to "deal with it" and "pray for them", I can't lie, I find that too passive, and not good enough.  I frankly think if someone offends or disturbs me, they should be disciplined for it, not given a pass to keep on doing it.  So I'm really struggling with the application of solution presented by AA in how to maturely live with this idea that resentment is such a problem and needs solutions.  

I also think if I am going to be humble, someone saying resentment is the number one offender, isn't free from it only being an opinion.  I know men who have used resentments to build something special to them and their families, and who feel great knowing that resentment motivated them to be the best they could be.  So it is confusing, because, I think this idea that resentment is such a great void to be feared and seen as the plague, is just an opinion that AA members interpret as a fact.  All of AA, actually is an opinion, if I am to be humble about it and really believe that God, has multiple ways of helping people, and helping people born with or who acquired alcoholism.  

The question I have to ask myself is spiritually, can I sustain a believe that resentment isn't an adverse reality, in all my components within life?  Do I want to be resentful when I am trying to rest or sleep?  Do I want to be resentful at the Thanksgiving dinner table?  Do I want to be resentful the night of my first born child coming into our lives?  The responses here are all clear cut "no I do not" answers, so I think me being able to accept that resentment, negative feelings, not always formidable if one is to have the greatest life possible, is correct.  That makes me feel good knowing I can teach that to others if their own egos start to tell them AA is sup-par.    

After I have found that common ground with AA, since my ego has tried now to see AA as not as powerful as it was in the early stages of my sobriety, can I now apply the suggestions?  

Well let me give some concrete resentment that I have and I'll see if I can't find some relief from the defects inside me of selfishness, fear, and dishonesty running them.  

Technology I have a major resent over.  I have a major resentment over phones and computers, because of updates and what I percieve as unreliability.  If I map out a plan for the day that is practical, sound, and good in nature, and have conformed my life to be inducive to where what I need to do should flow throughout the day, that plan being interrupted by a 30 minute update, or some extra technology charge imposed on me that if I disagree with it, I cannot utilize the technology we all now are dependent on, really can send me to a very dark, and unproductive place.  I still am resentful that I never wanted to use a smart phone or the internet really, and avoided both for a very long tim thinking I had the right to do so as a human being, but then had to accept the reality that this world and that industry made it where you can't survive if you don't get with the program and include a smartphone and the internet into your life.  Their created power was just too aggravating to fight anymore, so I decided to just stop fighting and basically bow down to it all.  Bowing down and just getting a phone and utilizing the internet as a way to get things done, didn't erase the aggravation updates and unreliability still produce in me though, and when I use technology less, I don't feel as aggravated generally.    

That didn't solve the problem of me knowing it will be more burden than solution again, and just this morning some update of more than 30 minutes completely got in the way of what I wanted to do and what I have worked hard to be able to do, freely, and I don't think that is right.  If I am humble though, that thought of it not right, is just an opinion.  It is not the gospel my ego and brain want it to be.  Does that mean the technology is sick?  What if technology is doing that update so I will be more safe, or that I will be able to have a healthier computer system, so I won't have to buy a new one if it crashes?  I don't know.  All I know though is when I experience it, specifically when it interrupts my decent plans, I react negatively.  I never jump for joy or see life as a great gift when an update interrupts the flow of my day, or some technology company wants to control how I can use the internet and what I have to pay to do so even though we all know, it could all be completely free if they wanted it to be.    

Do I impose myself on others when they are trying to do their plans, without interruption?  I do, and I do without concern or care for their feelings about it, just like the technology industry does.  Can I ask God to remove that desire to impose myself on others when they may be just as important to God as I?  I really can, so that tells me my earlier criticism of AA, above, was all ego driven, and if held onto, could lead to me drinking.  Also do I charge others unnecessarily assuming they won't be bothered or burdened by a little cost increase?  I do, like a coward does, and if I am to be even more humble, I run like a little girl too, in my mind, when challenged by my higher spirit asking me if I was considerate enough to believe me imposing and burdening others to be a problem avoided.  In fact, the not caring about others and doing what I want to them through imposition and cost increase, something I see and experience technology doing more often than not, in my opinion, is what I do, all the time as well, and some would say I do it on auto-pilot and others have grounds to resent me 24/7 over it.    

So, even though I made an argument above for it, the lesson I have learned by sharing my experience is, it is also ok not to put stock into a resentment, and my resentments also, just like AA's solutions to resentment, can only be opinions.  When I think of them, most of my resentments are just my opinion.  When I start percieving them as facts, I think that is when I am entering into a dangerous territory of dishonesty, that will make my experience more difficult than it has to be.  

Just wanted to share that and I hope you all have a great day.