My old friend, self-pity...sigh. I probably went to self-pity as much as or more than I did the bottle. Even in sobriety self-pity is always available on tap if I let it flow.

For me, what I have found is that helping someone else gets me out of self-pity. It doesn't necessarily mean someone in AA, but certainly a newcomer or someone else is need who I can talk to, is always good. But anyone else in your life, or even strangers...any time I turn my attention to someone else and helping them in some way, I start to lose the self-pity. And either that, or in conjunction with that, I will do a gratitude list - what am I grateful for? What am I blessed with? There are a lot of folks way worse off than I, so I know I have a lot to be thankful for, even if I don't feel like I am.

Hope whatever it is that's happening passes sooner than later.

:)

What are your best coping skills Bob? Yo are the one with the good advice! Breathing skills. Get that guitar out and write a song for me Cruz soon you are going to be able to sing and play it for me in real life. Use that for visualization! Hugs honey!

Love ya,
Jules

Hello bobinmaine,

I have found in the past but very rarely these days that a bout of self-pity could not be shaken off no matter how much I tried to do the right things. It just had a couple of days to run and then everything went back to normal. However, that has not happened for quite a while now and I put it down to keeping interested in doing things, usually for no personal gain, and pushing myself to get out of the comfort zone.

Ask yourself who you are thinking about when the self-pity mode takes over and you should have the answer to your question.

Music, meetings, meditation.....?

What will help, Bob?

I like Paul's thoughts on turning your attention to someone else. Or maybe just hanging out here and chatting with us a bit about what's going on to get it out so you can let it go.

(((hugs)))

I know what I need to do but sometimes I forget or sometimes it's so overwelming, it's like I have to let it run it's course before I can do anything about it.

I just need to put it in the Hands of my Higher Power......

That's all!

It's already started to pass!

Life is good again!

God Bless!

Some time away from the situation. Can you find an AA retreat group? Ask around in your area? They are usually reasonable and likely have scholarships of some kind.

Take a day trip away from your situation. Peace

This is kind of out-of-the-box but you could use my "starving children in africa" technique. I just think of how blessed I am not to be homeless, have cancer, or be in a wheelchair (nothing wrong with those people). I ask myself, "What will it take Nikki for you to really shape up?" "Will it take being on your death bed and having only 2 months to live?" "Will it take losing both my legs to change my perspective and give me the inner strength and wisdom to to the right things and put everything into perspective?"

If all else fails, go to a homeless shelter or a children's hospital to volunteer~~~. I use the "starving children in africa" technique often when I am down.

Hugs,
Nikki

Most of the time things go on around us that we have no control over and yet we don't wallow in self-pity, so this is personal stuff for you that you feel powerless over, that's fine you won't die from that unless you drink.

Life is tough Bob, it's like that for all of us and us being sober does not make us immune from that. Get out there and do something with your self. Go volunteer to work at a homeless shelter, then you will see powerlessness as a reality in the lives of others, you will start to be grateful!

They told me in meetings that self pity is between shit and syphilis in the dictionary. Still doesnt make sense to me. But that is what they said.

lol heather