Hello 1b2017,

Recovery is always good but I would imagine that not drinking without recovery would be a struggle and a nightmare. In order to explain what I mean, I will draw on my own experience with alcoholism and recovery. That is not a claim that this way is the only way to get sober or that other methods are not as good – it’s just that I have no experience of those other methods.

The opening sentence of your post reminded me of something that happened several years ago when I was walking down a long corridor with a few other people to reach a room where there was an AA meeting. A man who was walking behind was telling another person that he struggled with alcoholism every day that he woke up. This man had been sober for a good few years so I was both surprised and intrigued by what he said. I asked him what he was doing about the problem and he replied that he went to several meetings every week (I cannot recall how many, but it was quite a lot). You could infer from his answer that AA didn’t work but yet, I also knew many people in AA who had recovered from alcoholism. Therefore, it was evident that going to meetings would help but meetings alone were not enough and something else was also needed. Incidentally, the poor man in question died shortly afterwards, and his death was probably alcohol-related.

An active alcoholic is someone who has become obsessed with alcohol and as the above story demonstrates, the obsession does not magically disappear when drinking stops. It looks like this is also true in your case – you have stopped drinking but you have not done anything to address the obsession for alcohol.

The question now is are you ready to step off the hamster wheel and basically, get a life, or are you going to continue to fight a battle that you cannot win? Are you really prepared to go to any lengths? This is what I did when I had tried desperately and failed to stop drinking. I went to meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous and copied what had worked for people there who were not just sober but content with life. That meant getting a sponsor who guided me through the Twelve Steps. That was almost nine years ago and I have not had a drink since. I do not say that in a boastful way as an alcoholic is never more than one drink away from disaster and I could be back there tonight, but I say it to show you that it can be done.

If you really are serious and prepared to go to any lengths, I have a small challenge for you. Watch the video at the link below right through to the end and see if the guy has any good advice for you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMC62Y_5dyE

Thank you for sharing PJ54. I actually just came home not to long ago from an AA meeting, I have a sponsor and I just completed step 1 last week. I am doing everything that I'm told to do, and finding my way in sobriety. I struggle with having failed at AA after in & out patient treatment the first time in 2015-16, I did all the things I was told had a sponsor went through the steps, went to meetings everyday and yet just 10 months later I picked up again. I was thinking that I proved to everyone by not drinking for that period that I was not an alcoholic, looking back and going through this experience again with a fresh set of eyes, I realize I never completely thought I was an alcoholic and I never gave up the notion that after some "dry time" as I called it I would be able to drink like a normal person. So I wasn't truly committed and I was living a dry life but not a sober one. I believe there's a difference, just my opinion. So now here I am 37 days sober for the first time truly sober doing everything that I'm suppose to do and my brain still spins...Some say it's my Bi-Polar which I am being treated for among a few other diagnosis and others say the mind will follow the body and just keep doing the right next thing... I realized this last time, I am desperate to get better and not to drink again, it would only mean negative things in my life. So I keep pushing, picking up the phone as this time around it's not heavy at all, keep going to as many meetings in a day as I can, keep close to my sponsor and work the steps thoroughly/whole heartedly. Keep a close relationship with my higher power, meditate, journal, starting my days off in prayer and readings & ending them with prayer & not letting anything be bottled up of what I'm thinking or feeling. Maybe because this is so new, I feel like I'm actually experiencing recovery and sobriety for the first time and new things can sometimes be scary and cause me to resort to old habits to comfort that I use to use. So in closing perhaps I'm scared of the changes I am seeing and feeling and that fear is allowing my disease(who's always doing push-ups right outside the door) to try to talk to me. But intellectually I know I can't pick up, I just have to find other methods of dealing with my feelings so I don't spin on the wheel.

I look forward to watching the video thank you for sharing and please feel free to connect with me on here as a friend or when you happen to see me posting.

Hello 1b2017,

Delighted to learn that you are actively working on solving the problem. There are a couple of things that could help you on your way.

As you move on to Step 2 with your sponsor, there is one important word there that you may wish to dwell upon. That word is BELIEVE. At this stage you do not even have to have faith – just belief. You will get that belief by listening to other people’s stories and seeing how they have recovered. If those people can do it, why not you?

The foundation stone of recovery is an acceptance that you are an alcoholic and cannot drink safely. Unless you have that acceptance, everything else is a waste of time. There is a huge difference between admitting and accepting and I would say to make sure that you have that acceptance before moving on.

Maybe you have approached things intellectually in the past and that doesn’t work with recovery from alcoholism. Spirituality is the answer.

Change can be a scary thing but in this case there is no need to be afraid. The Steps are designed and laid out in a particular sequence that results in gradual change. The key here is Step 3, and if you come to understand and use that Step, you need not have any fears because you will not walk alone.

It's the dream that one day we can drink like normal people. Thing is when I get the urge I don't want 1 I want oblivion. I just say to myself 1 won't even be worth it

Smash the thought because it will basically drive me insane and back on the bottle. Smash it

1is2many

There were many times in my life when I depended on God to keep me sober, only to fail each and every time! Looking outside myself for all of life's answers just caused more confusion and triggered still more drinking.

It was only when I turned that search within myself that things began to change, and the 12 steps were a huge part of that. This was over 9 years ago. Today I have a great life. I live my life by the 12 steps and I have never been happier! I wish the same for you!

God Bless

The struggle is real. Good job on having sobriety in your life and not giving up, its not an easy thing one bit, it takes a lot of humility and work to walk out this process, don't give up.  Do you have an accountability partner or are you part of AA, sometimes just being honest about your feelings really helps you process your thoughts and I know from personal experience when I share my experiences with others I tend to find people who think like me. I will be praying for you

You've received great feedback so far. I'd just add that for me, the best analogy was that the thoughts arent actionable, they arent facts. My sponsor encouraged me to look at them like clouds. "Oh hey there's a cloud, watch it PASS." I'm just over 6 years sober. I was on a four day vacation with my husband this weekend. traveled first class and was offered drink after drink. Offered welcome drinks when we arrived, offered drinks on the beach. Anyway you get the picture. I turned them down, but not without thinking about it in between. "I'm on vacation, its my bday, i've been sober a relatively LONG time, my husband drinks...blah blah blah." I prayed each day when the thoughts came to my God to keep me sober. I let the thoughts go. They passed, I stayed sober. Its a day at a time. Sometimes its a minute at a time. If it were easy, we'd all get sober. Its not. So fight for it, but fight by letting it GO.

I struggle a bit at times with this too. Most of the time sobriety can seem downright boring. I feel like I'm going stir crazy at times, because I just don't know what to do by myself, or with my time.
With drinking I didn't have to worry about this. I could change things instantly. But, I do know where that will take me. Boy do I know. So I'm willing to just stay put, and keep on with recovery. I know things will change, and as long as I keep trying to make my life better by trying new things, it will get better.
I know when thoughts come to me about, " Good old times, " that's an outright lie that I've fallen for many times in the past. It just wasn't good times. It wasn't real. It only seemed good because my mind was distorted. It wasn't real. Good times to me now is being sober and experiencing the reality. Sure, right now I don't experience enough of that. I do want more, because it feels good. (Sounds kinda familiar, huh!!! )
Don't let your addiction fool you. Recovery can seem tough at times, but it's worth it. I don't want to die an alcoholic death. That scares the hell out of me.
Find a support group, and get involved. At first it's hard, but we can do it. Being alone with those thoughts in our head will eventually send us back out. Find some support with others that want recovery too. Don't be alone too much. All the best, James