Alcoholism Support Group

Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.

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ScarletAngel 09/15/2010

My sponsor emailed me with these words of wisdom. I think it is WAAYYY to good not to pass on.

Okay ladies......I feel compelled to share this with you as I know I have talked to you each and used this term, however I have come to understand that the program of Alcoholics Anonymous says not one word about "living amends", rather we make DIRECT amends wherever possible except when to do so would injure them or others. Period. We make our amends and then go about the business of living and doing differently for that is what amend basically means (ie "to change a behavior").

deleted_user 09/15/2010

On the other hand "making Amends directly " . How many times have we done that. Our words quit having meaning years ago. Our families don't want to hear another i'm sorry. They want to see the change not listen to another false promise

m8bear 09/15/2010

I would be interested to know others point of view on 'living amends' and what they think they are.

ie. I wasted loads of police time when I was drinking. I now do community work to pay back the time to the community. To me this is a 'living amend' yet I could be wrong. Maybe it is called something else and I have just fitted this word to it.

ScarletAngel 09/15/2010

I guess the point of my post (and that of my sponsor's email) is that I can't hide behind the idea of "living amends" when it comes to making my direct amends to those I have harmed. I had to be held accountable for the damage I had inflicted. The only way I could do that was to make a direct amend. I had to accept responsibility for what I had done, and let the injured party know just that. The BB says that we become accountable for what we have done and ask "how can I make this right?" How can I do this if I don't make a direct, face to face amend?

m8bear 09/15/2010

I would like to add something to this post......

Not all direct amends should be done (or are wanted to be received by the harmed person). That is why we talk them through with our sponsor (and refer to the Big Book).

Also, in my life, not every person I had harmed wanted the amends to be done face to face. Some asked for a telephone call or a letter, it was about my willingness to do it.

Some have never come back to me, again, it was my willingness on this. Some I do not know how to find, again willingness.

I did a chair recently on step 8 and it was, to me, the word 'willing' that was paramount.

Just my opinion of course.

m8bear 09/15/2010

lol CD at the 7 looooongggggg years. Yep, we do the crime, we pay with time :)

gr8ful2b 09/15/2010

I agree that direct amends must be made and then living amends puts it into action.

I didn't admit all the affairs and other one night stands I'd had to my husband. That would have crushed him. I am a strong believer in not feeling better at the expense of others. I simply told him I hadn't been the wife he deserved and then began growing into the wife he had always deserved.

There were a couple amends that to make would have caused further harm to that person. The best I could do with that was to not force myself on the person and to make living amends to the world at large by not being an ass.

I absolutely agree with Greg when it comes to our families!

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