So do you have a plan for how you are going to stay sober long term?

I sort of had a nervous breakdown Monday morning and immediately looked for support groups online. I found rational recovery and this.site
I don't really like aa because I believe they are all pretty much still drinkers or that its ok to relapse which is still drinking ....I want t be totally abstinent

I'm sure Rational Recovery is worth a try. There are lots of approaches to recovery out there.

Not sure where you got that impression of AA though. You say you researched online groups on the internet. I'm sorry to say that AA gets bashed and misrepresented a lot online so if you want a true picture the best course of action is to check it out for yourself by attending a few meetings.

Certainly AA does not condemn or ban anyone and relapse happens to so many people that if no-one could return when they fell off the wagon there certainly wouldn't be millions of members all over the world today!

AA saved my life, I haven't drank or even wanted to for many years. I am glad you are looking for support, keep seeking and you will find what works for you too. It may well be that you need look no further than your first option. I wish you well in your recovery and welcome!

Hellok28 welcome. I don't know what AA exposure you've had but AA is about living sober --- as in SOBER -- a day at a time. Every recovery program has relapse, as its the disease. But its not part of my AA journey nor my sponsors, who has 30 years a few months ago.
This morning in my AA homegroup I gave out three chips for CONTINUOUS sobriety. One for 90 days, one for 19 years and one for 32 years.

You might enjoy this quote from the big book:

In the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous, Appendix II - Spiritual Experience (4th ed. pg. 568)

There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance that principle is contempt prior to investigation.

Thanks everyone for the replies and maybe I am wrong about aa. Usually right now I would be drinking but reading these stories makes me a little stronger all the time. It hasnt been that long without a drink but I still feel happier already. I feel like I.really. nees to stay on this path for my kid and myself and believe me I loved drinking ..

I have been totally abstinent in AA for more than 19 years. AA is about abstinence not about drinking. People do drink again because they fail to take direction from people who have experience of living sober. Those of us who did the work required live free of demands of alcohol, I have recovered from a hopeless state of mind and body. That desire for total abstinence will work well in AA!!

How are you doing today?

I am not in AA and am happily sober. I'd be happy to share with you what it was like for me -- just ask. I do know that the first few days I felt pretty irritated and out of sorts! Not unusual when you first quit.

Glad you found us!

Hi all...today I had cravings and really wanted some alcohol all day...wish I could drink in moderation but know I can't and I still feel terrible about leavig my daughter that night to get more beer....I didn't want to drive with her....I feel awful so much guilt from my life that comes up when I'm sober ..
doez anyone relate to this?

Wow this is exactly where I was about a year ago when I realized things had gotten out of control. I was about 38 AND ACUALLY DROVE WITH MINE . So i was there . That was last year. I go to talk to some other alcoholics ea day and had my last drink , this time...., on June 9,12.

I would honestly say that at the end of my bottom there was no way that I COULD GO ONE DAY WITHOUT A DRINK

I was a mess. I had a beautiful little girl that i drove up to the hospital to see my dying dad after drink beer at pool and then made it home but I felt the lowest of lows and there was not one thing that I was going to let get in the way of getting sober.

I found that I had put up all kinds of walls.,, had all =kinds of defenses and unhealthy behaviors and on and on.

I quit drinking a million times I just couldnt stay quit

Then I found a few other people that had been there ( both here on DS and in a person ea day_) I am better . its is great .

Good Luck and make the next right step.

I believe in you

1is2

and fear guilt and etc etc all come up and now we deal with them sober it is not a cake walk but I tell you its alot easier than if I was drinking.

The drinking was not really the problem, it was the illness of alcoholism and my drinking was a very obvious symptom of an underlying condition which affects body, mind and spirit. The results of the journey through the 12 Step programme of AA was the solution for me to that dilemma.

Quite simply, just not drinking (if I could even manage that and I personally could not) was not enough. The root of the problem had to be addressed if I was to move forward into a permanent sobriety and be happy about it.

Yes, I relate to how you are feeling now from my earlier attempts at sobriety. I could not deal with it alone. I went to great lengths to drink and so I needed to go to great lengths in another direction for sobriety.

I am just going to be honest here...the thing I feel most guilty about is the way that I was promiscuous during these days and even recently. It is very painful these memories and makes me feel bad bout myself

But I am still sober its been a week. I just wish that I had made very better choices

One week sober! That's fantastic. It gets easier every day.
Don't suffer shame and guilt. Many of us did things we felt awful about and for me personally alott of that stuff was what I drank behind.
I've been able to turn it all into assets rather than liabilities. It was a slow and sometimes super scary process but all mine. There was nothing there I couldn't share with my sponsor and god.
Thanks to aa and the 12 steps, I've let go of the regret.
Take it easy -- it will all work out!

Congratulations on one week!

You wrote that AA may not be for you. But just in case, I would suggest you find a meeting somewhere close just in case your cravings become overwhelming. It helped me tremendously to be in a room full of recovering alcoholics when I had my cravings.

Just a thought.