I can identify. It is torture, watching someone you love, commit a slow suicide with the bottle. This disease took my mother's life at the age of 52. I was just a kid at the time and I was devastated, to say the least! Nobody told me about alanon back then and I wish they had because it would probably have saved me alot of misery from all the guilt I hung on to over my inability to stop the madness of her addiction!

I tried everything and nothing worked. Dumping bottles, yelling, screaming, crying....absolutely nothing! No matter how hard you try, you cannot make someone stop, who is infected with the disease of alcoholism. They have to want help, ask you for help, and be willing to accept the help! The only way that will happen is if the alcoholic is motivated to want help.

With me, that came when my wife my wife kicked me out of the house when she came home and saw me passed out on the couch. When I wouldn't ;leave, she called the police and that was all the motivation I needed to get sober. I was taken to detox. Now I have a great life.

You need alot of support for yourself and alanon is a great place to find that support. You can google meetings in your area.

https://al-anon.org

It is not your fault that your friend drinks so please stop punishing yourself with all that guilt!

We will keep you both in our thoughts and prayers.

God Bless

I’m sorry. This is a torture we alcoholics put on our loved ones.

Sadly she has to hit rock bottom. She needs to quit for herself.

I’d recommend alanon. Keen posting here.

Agree that alanon will give you support from those who know what you're going through firsthand. You are truly wonderful to be supporting you friend as long as you have, but you need to take care of yourself while she struggles with addiction. Wishing you the best and please stay in touch...

Thank you all so much. I have felt so confused as she has pointed out many times that she doesn't drink every day, so, in her words, I shouldn't treat her like a raging alcoholic. It is hard to continue to love her when her behavior has caused so many emotional breakdowns in me that I have had to leave our home to stay woth a friend 2x's, and a hotel once. Her denial brings the darkest aches to me. I wish she would understand that lying about drinking, and hiding it is painful and unhealthy. Your support and prayers are so much appreciated. I am going through quite a bit of depression over this. I do have guilt... we drank together. Then I noticed these problems of self medicating and tried to help, but got no more than slurred speech and lying. I didn't know in the beginning that she couldn't stop...that it wasn't social. Now I know... I never wanted to do something with her that was harmful. I offered to lead a sober life along side of her, but every week.... drinking and lying on her behalf. The feeling that she must not think I have value or worth finally broke me. Her drinking won.

Yes, I struggled with the same thing, sober through the week but was binge drinking on the weekends. The frequency doesn't matter as much as the response to alcohol and your partner definitely has a problem from what you describe. It will be difficult to reason with her until she acknowledges the problem, so I urge to you go ahead and check out the resources that Alanon, who can support your now and when your partner begins a recovery program, whenever that occurs. Wishing you the best!

Look at it this way...You didn't make her start....and you can't make her stop!
She has to want to stop!

So now you have to ask yourself, how much longer you are going to allow this woman to take your peace and happiness, away from you?

You need to take care of yourself and be an example for others to follow. If she wants to argue? Don't engage her, just walk away! Keep shining your light of peace and happiness and eventually everyone else will follow. I highly recommend alanon which will give you the inner strength you are lacking. You really need to let go of all that guilt. You have done absolutely nothing wrong! Alanon will help you.

God Bless

Us alcoholics are devious lying bitches that learn to cover our tracks. We learn ways of getting that drug into the house undetected - make excuses to just nip out because we have forgotten something. We even convince ourselves that we can't be alcoholic because we don't drink every night.

The truth is when we start to drink alone and feel the need to lie about having a drink then we have a problem. Hitting rock bottom often makes us get the help we need to get sober but we also need to deal with the underlying issue that made us pick up the bottle in the first place. For some of us we have genetics that make it easier for us to lean towards the bottle but for others it just simply starts by having a glass to relax after a hard day at work and before we know it we need more and more of the stuff to feel the same affects!!

Alcohol is a depressant which alters the balance of chemicals in our brains and regular drinking lowers the level of serotonin (the chemical that helps regulate our moods) ............... and so the vicious cycle begins - this together with life circumstances that have not been fully dealt with mentally is a recipe for disaster.

Try to convince your partner to seek counselling / help to deal with the bad circumstances that started her drinking - her cataloguing the bad life experience may be the start of her taking that first wrung of the ladder to sobriety.

Good luck

judefitness -- this is also spot on. She truly didn't (doesn't?) believe she had a drinking problem, because she cut back. I have figured out that half or better of the times she was drinking was alone. Just drinking, chain smoking, and reading the internet on her phone. The image of her sitting alone on the porch or in the basement by herself makes me sad. It seems like a waste of time, and life.... it seems poor and pathetic.... there is so much beauty out there and so many things to feel positive about. There are so many things we can do with our time. She is so talented, giving, and smart. This way of life for her has made me feel like I cannot accomplish positive things in my own life because when I leave, that is how she 'entertains herself'. It is a lonely life for all. I cross my fingers and pray she is on a better path. I still haven't gone back home and am still staying with a friend, My partner and I have communicated some. She said she is going to an AA meeting now and has been trying to call me late a night-- I believe she does this to prove to me she hasn't been drinking. I keep telling her I am so proud of her, but she needs to make sure she is doing these things for herself and not me or 'us'. I hope losing our family to drinking has woken her up and this is her sincere attempt to be healthy. The sad part is that I wonder if she is actually going or just telling me she has gone. Either way-- I am working to keep myself from trying to 'figure it out'. It isn't for me to figure out... she must do the work. I must figure out how to cope with grieving the separation of my family and deal with the mental and emotional damage that exists within myself.

I cannot thank you all enough for how the responses and support in this room has helped me. I have found an alanon meeting that I am going to try. I work and go to school 7 days a week right now... time isn't plentiful. I do not regret starting here. It truly helps to know I am not alone. I hope I can be encouraging with my experiences to you all.
Love and blessings

One thing I keep in mind and share when my son and I are communicating is that I love him as much as ever. It's the personality he becomes when drinking that I feel as if I don't know or can't communicate with. Al-Anon has been helpful. We can be supportive but unless we look out for ourselves and also set our minds to our recovery, we also continue to sweep the truths under the carpet. It's not only the alcohol that has to recover, it's everyone around them who has also lived the experience, the lies, done some enabling. Our family is trying to communicate about that. Best of luck for the recoveries going on in your life.

Try to communicate rather than yell if you can help it though. It may make a difference. ♥

It has definitely helped for me to remove myself from our home. I am better at curbing my yelling... not having to face the anxiety every day of her, but being able to focus on me is making a small dent. I still communicate with her, but I am not as fearful as I was a mere month and a half ago.
Many blessings to you and your son for a healthier future.