Oh.......passive-aggressiveness is a bad thing?
Oops....
LOL.

Glad that you are doing some self reflection on communication as it is so important. I teach NCVI for the organization I work for and part of that is helping people recognize how important paraverbal communication is. Only 7% of what we say to other people is communicated by the words we speak. The other 93% is communicated by our body language, tone of voice etc. That old saying is so true - it's not what you say, it's how you say it.
I'm pretty sarcastic by nature (as you can see from my avatar). I like this aspect of myself but I try to be sensitive to others as many people are turned off by sarcasm.

Have heard about the percentages we hear.

When I use written word as my only way of conveying my thoughts and ideas, I believe it is even more important that I choose how I phrase my thoughts, because you can not see my body language and all you have is what I have put on the screen

In this manner I have to be even more vigilant that what I am saying is not passive aggressive.

G8

Heres the thing I found out about me G. humor, covering up(my opinion)and my mode of operation when communicating only became clear to me When I started to realize the other person is only a target I use in convincing myself What Im trying to convey!!! Contempt, apathy ,self loathing and fabrication ran very deep in my body language thrust outward. I used to defend that by saying Who, What Me noooo I did not say that...Which implied the other person was the crazy maker Not Me:((( Discernment required less intellectual prowess and more active listening to what really came out of my mouth as I began to react(talk)

Billy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ixRWvrkUHo

"put the Cotton in your Mouth and listen First "hehe Really!!

Yep O1, lots of times is a good idea to put the cotton in the gob and not the ears.

My favourite for me was 'that was not what I meant' then blamed them for misunderstanding me. The onus is on me for you to understand me not the other way around.

I have to be responsible for me

G8

:)))

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WybiA263bw

There is communication that is honest and direct and TACTFUL and communication that is opinionated and disrespectful in tone.

My rule is thumb is that I think "do I wanted to be addressed in such a fashion?" If the answer is "no" then I keep my mouth shut or don't hit "send."

G8...the favourite tools in my Arsenal...

"Just kidding"
"I'm not being funny but"
"I don't want to chuck rocks BUT"
"That may be what you heard, but it's not what I meant"
I could go on and on :)

I also have this habit of dropping quotes, making jokes or being intellectual at what (I think) is a level just above the other persons head...just over the radar...to allow me to say something without the obvious comeback of me actually saying it...sheesh, it's not funny really.

I'm the good guy you see, and good guys...well they can't afford to leave any clear evidence that maybe they're not so good after all...least nothing you could pin me down on :)

Nice reflection. Knowing how I feel...owning how I feel...and communicating clearly and honestly...all important parts of getting some emotional sobriety for me. And, for me, emotional sobriety is important. Getting up to the same games I got up to yesterday leaves a bad taste in my mouth...today the regret I feel over trying to be a smartass feels too much like the regret I felt over being a drunken smartass :(

P

I can't tell you how many times I have drafted up a reply... Draw it all out, per say and then I will delete most of the post b/c I recognize I'm not being nice, I may be being truthful but sometimes that's not nice.

It's a journey. I drank because I was not happy of my self. Now I try to do esteem able acts and then I feel better in the end of the day.

1-2

Its just something I work on today

Before you speak ask yourself if what you are about to say is.
Before you speak, THINK

T - is it True?
H - is it Helpful?
I - is it Inspiring?
N - is it Necessary?
K - is it Kind?
If the answer is No, maybe what you are about to say should be left unsaid

Thanks for this post, for me it's always a valuable life lesson that I should ignore at my peril. There are no "winners" with any type of aggression or unnecessary negativity. Thanks to those whose help I sought and value along this journey, I have learned there's always an underlying motive to look at if I practise that kind of behaviour.