Get back on that horse. Every good rider has been thrown a time or two.

But I would suggest that you examine the events and thought processes that lead to the drink. Based on your evaluation, develop appropriate strategies against being thrown again.

Until I truly embrace a change I want to make and stay firm with myself I feel that pull to repeat my old behaviors. Actions and thoughts just drag me along (usually down) until I stand up for my well being. It’s so crazy that the path to mental health and peace is so challenging. However when I really think about how long some of my behaviors have been with me it’s understandable. Break your cycles by wanting something new. Want it soooo much that the true path for you becomes the only thing you desire. This is changing your perception. Release that which isn’t serving you any longer.

Only going to AA worked for me...sobriety date in February 21, 2009. I struggled a lot in 2008, after being ganged up on by my physician, marriage counselor, and a separate therapist in another town when all three told me that I was an alcoholic. (Apparently everyone in my universe knew, except me.) In 2008, I once went 33 days without drinking to prove that I was not an alcoholic. On day 34, of course, I guzzled beer so fast I can still hear the glug, glug, glug sound, like on the Three Stooges when they drank something too fast. (By the way, 33 was Larry Bird's number.) Indeed I am an AA person, and I do not doubt that there are other ways to get and stay sober. I just never found one.

The first time I went through detox, it was recommended to me that I go through outpatient treatment, but I declined because I hadn't had enough punishment yet. I thought I could easily beat my disease if I put my mind to it because after all. I was a long distance runner who completed a marathon so I figured I could do anything I put my mind to!

Little did I realize that this addiction was bigger then me and there was no way I could beat it without help but my ego said otherwise! I carried on for another year, drinkin and druggin and my life began to go from bad to worse. To satisfy those who wanted me to go to AA meetings, I went. I had a sponsor and thought it was working until one day, I got in a big fight with the wife over losing my job so I went on one huge drinkin binge. I felt like I had to get away, everything and everyone were driving me more insane, so I gave in. I went into detox where I spent 5 days without caffenated coffee. On the 4th day, they told us we would be allowed to go to an AA meeting which was taking place on the same floor down the hall. I couldn't wait to go and get my caffein fix because I knew they would have coffee there!

As I sat there and drank my coffee, I saw the chair for the day who happened to be my AA sponsor! I was mortified and feeling so ashamed! When the meeting was over, I tried to sneak out the door but he saw me and approached me and just said 5 words which I never forgot! "Have you had enough yet?" I said, I've had enough! We got together regularly after that and he helped me in ways too numerous to mention here.. I also went though the outpatient treatment this time and did everything I was advised to do including 3 months of counseling after the outpatient treatment ended.

It took alot for me to get started on the road to recovery and I had to be willing to do everything it took or I might not be here today writing this. I am grateful, and happy and Blessed and I have a great job now... Things couldn't be any better.

Here is a video that might help you"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MoO3h_HYcDw&t=366s

Very normal... I quit a million times and would always start again. I had to find a replacement. For me I found new friends and tools for living in aa. Saved my life

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Thank you guys for the feedback. It helps having a support system. I do not want that poison going through my veins anymore. Those 8 days were such a relief in all ways and I want to stay focused on the positive aspect of those days. I should of gone to an AA meeting Sunday when my brain started thinking of getting drunk. You see I had a physical on Tuesday and wanted the booze out of me, one because I would of not made it to the dr if I was drinking, and 2 because I wanted to give my body a break so the labs wouldn't come back with something wrong. (I get the results tomorrow). Anyways, my thinking has to change and stay that way. I am an alcoholic and if I touch one sip, I drink until I drop. (ugh).Yesterday when I woke up I thought was it really worth the 20 minutes that I remember chugging the vodka.

Thanks for sharing and sounds like you learned a lot about yourself and your addiction in this recent relapse. Believe it or not, that’s progress. Alcohol recovery is like a maze, and we find ourselves meandering around so many obstacles in search of a cure, only to find ourselves back where we were. Until we change our approach. Like you, I thought drinking was the root of my problem, and it wasn’t until I had multiple relapses, some after a year’s sobriety, did I realize that my drinking was just a symptom of a bigger problem. A problem that I couldn’t fix myself, but needed a guided recovery approach that would get to the root cause of my addiction and help me recover my life. I truly hope you commit to AA or some other program and begin this process of healing with support from others like yourself, like us. You deserve it my friend.

So you didn't drink for 8 days prior to a visit to the doctor - you wanted to be "clean and sober" for a physical exam and lab work.

You really didn't "quit drinking"; you merely quit drinking for a while - until Tuesday night.

Instead of thinking "I'm not going to drink today" or "I'm not going to drink ever again", you were thinking "I'm not gonna drink until after the dr appt."

Alcohol will continue to plague you until you concede that you have lost the ability (or "right") to drink normally. When I was in the depths of my alcoholism, I didn't drink for 9 months during both of my pregnancies. But I wasn't thinking about sobriety during that time; I was just waiting until I gave birth so I could drink again.

Once I realized I didn't have to drink again, nor did I really want to, it is really easy to maintain my sobriety.

Everyone is different but I can share what helped me. When I poured my beer down the drain 10/12/09, I made small goals. I told myself just make it til the next hour without going to the store and getting more. When that hour passed I set another goal for another hour and so on. That's how I made it through the first day. I didn't look at it long term because it would have overwhelmed me from the pressure. I went hour by hour, then day by day. I also became aware of my triggers. I applaud you for fighting for yourself. You may stumble just don't give up. You are worth fighting for.

Accepting that I cannot drink or even going as far to state openly that I do not drink today, open and honest, helps minimize any lie my alcoholic mind ever tries to get me to buy into. I draw on my most out of control or powerless moments while using alcohol in the past to remind me of the fact that I am alcoholic and I do have a mind that will persuade me to think it is not so. At least you realize your mind is lying to you, some are not so fortunate. It sounds like your slip might have just broken the delusion that you can drink, and that is a very good thing in terms of being able to go forward with recovering.