Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I was sober for almost a year, but something came up, something very stressful that I have to deal with all the time until March or so. I stayed sober for a while after this started, but then I had a couple of beers because that little voice finally talked me into it. Now I go maybe two weeks top sober, and fall back. Over and over since August.
It's crazy how we convince ourselves of things we know are completely wrong and use them as excuses. "You deserve it with all the crap you're going through." "Drink and you'll be less angry (yeah right)". "You're still in control, hell you used to down twelve a night without thinking and look at you now, you're fine, don't worry."
I turn that voice down a helluva lot really; I get the urge almost every day. And when I do drink of course I find it very hard to stop at just two (okay, two tall boys), but I do. But maybe once every two weeks to ten days, I just talk myself into it, knowing full well that I am totally lying to myself. And that I am going to feel guilty for days after, especially if my mom found out somehow which is unlikely, but still it makes me feel very guilty. I'm off mentally the day after. I'm out a small amount of money but it's still more than I can afford. For the sake of a buzz that frankly isn't all that great, and often just adds to the emotional turmoil.
If this is not a great definition of insanity, I don't know what is!
It's crazy how we convince ourselves of things we know are completely wrong and use them as excuses. "You deserve it with all the crap you're going through." "Drink and you'll be less angry (yeah right)". "You're still in control, hell you used to down twelve a night without thinking and look at you now, you're fine, don't worry."
I turn that voice down a helluva lot really; I get the urge almost every day. And when I do drink of course I find it very hard to stop at just two (okay, two tall boys), but I do. But maybe once every two weeks to ten days, I just talk myself into it, knowing full well that I am totally lying to myself. And that I am going to feel guilty for days after, especially if my mom found out somehow which is unlikely, but still it makes me feel very guilty. I'm off mentally the day after. I'm out a small amount of money but it's still more than I can afford. For the sake of a buzz that frankly isn't all that great, and often just adds to the emotional turmoil.
If this is not a great definition of insanity, I don't know what is!
Keep us posted!
Wow, I can practically hear that inner monster voice growling at me after saying that lol. Must be the right answer.
What you have described pretty accurately is the two components of alcoholism.
For an active alcoholic, something always comes up that will justify drinking. The little voice that you have referred to is known in AA as an obsession for alcohol. This obsession works in the mind and it is the result of coming to wrongly believe, probably at a subconscious level, that the person needs alcohol in order to function and survive. The second component of alcoholism is a physical craving for more alcohol that occurs once a drink is taken. It is because of this craving in the body that you find it hard to stop at two drinks. It is worth bearing in mind that this is a progressive condition and that if you continue to drink, two wont be enough as you have said. It is likely that you will drink more often until you are eventually drinking every day and that you will drink more during each session.
Some people can make a decision to stop drinking and that is all it takes. However, that approach does not work for very many alcoholics and something more is required. Returning to a face to face support group would be a positive first step. You may find that you need to do more than just attending meetings although meetings are certainly helpful. Maybe it is time to go further and get a sponsor who will help you to change your thinking so that the little voice is banished forever and you can live your life in freedom.
You are dealing with a serious and often fatal condition so dont let anything or anyone stop you from doing what you need to do. Admitting to other alcoholics that you have slipped is no big deal as they will understand exactly where you are at.
Sound like maybe you drink to quiet her, too?
Maybe one on one therapy to deal with her voice in your head???
Impermanence, thanks because you reminded me how helpful Buddhism was in keeping me sober for almost a year; moreso than anything else really. And I got away from meditating or being mindful because of stress. So that's something else I have to get back into.
Gotta get into a mental time machine and go back to where I was when I was sober!
Thanks to everyone for your support :)