My house for a hug???

I wish...no magic words from me...you have some great support.
Your sobriety comes first. Period

One time I happily, sober went to a nice Hotel for a break from my divorce....I thought if I were at home I would drink,
Had a great time..all for me and felt refreshed when I got home.

But I am a loner so it was Sweet!

I know this is hard, but stay focused you can do this!

I'm sorry Olive. I don't have a husband, but I can imagine it would be difficult having someone else in the house who is depressed when you're trying to get sober. I know when my daughter was a teenager, if she came in mean or irritated or sad, it would totally affect my mood and I would drink more. It is frustrating when you want so much to help someone you love, but know that you can't. Sound familiar? He probably feels the same frustration with you trying to get sober, he loves you and wants you to be happy, but you have to do it yourself. Same with him......

Hang in there woman, stay strong.

I kind of know how you feel...my boyfriend goes through depression too and I always feel so responsible...WE ARE not responsible for how others feel...My mom used to always tell me that and vise versa...we are the only ones who can control how we feel...others may do things to us but it is how we interpret those things and allow them to affect us. I know its your husband and a lot different than myself but I do believe you can NOT allow yourself to feel responsible for how he is feeling...You can try to help and in courage him but that is all you can do and the rest has to up to him...

Okay really dont even know if that what you where talking about or just that watching him is hard...I know what you mean...It sounds like you are doing all the right things though...I just want to let you know its not your fault and you do not have to feel down because he is...

So sorry you are going through this but remember you have to put your sobrity first or you will be down were he is and things will be much much worse...

Sorry if I got this all wrong...I am still very early into my sobrity this time and probable dont know what Im talking about, lol...just my opinion and I guess things that I know I need to be saying to myself too...

Yeah, relationship problems- especially with the ones we love the most are really tough and can trigger all sorts of emotion we don't want to feel. You're doing all the right things and staying plugged in with support. Smart move on removing yourself frm the situation before it escalated. Maybe lay off hubby on expecting what you want from him. We alcoholics think the world revolves around us. It doesn't.

Peace and ease xx

sometimes i think to myself "why are all these people leading rewarding lives with spouses that will grow old with them and i have no one. no one. with children they still have. with things i once had but threw away."
'i see now nothing is quite so black nor so white. we make the cards we are shuffled and we stumble on. such is life. thank you for sharing. you helped me.....

I can relate...when I was first getting sober it seemed all my energy and thoughts were on me..me..me..me...and it needed to be. I felt I had nothing to give anyone even my mate so God forbid he became needy. I know how difficult this is for you and helpless you feel...hang in there and stay sober. You or he being drunk will NOT help either of you.

You know, usually the whole family is in a dark place, when there is one "identified" patient, the alcoholic. It is not just you that needs help my dear, but he does too. That is not to say that you can make him do this-but just recognize this is outside of you. THe best thing you can offer him is to be there in health and sobriety. I know this sounds simple, but it is truly profound the difference you will make in others lives if you stay on this road of health.

I think you may be projecting your feelings on him, be aware of that. He is in pain-and you want it to stop because it hurts you. The only way you know is through self medicating. Why would you not see this as a solution when it is all you know? But walk it through-his problems will be there after the booze, just as everyones will.

Suffering is part of our training program for becoming wise. Maybe just leave him be-this is his path?

YOu need to get to some AA meetings, get some family counseling even if he says he won't go you start to go, you can get an intervention down the road, but the first thing you must do is to work on yourself and get yourself in a good place.You need to detach from him or you will be drinking. Learn about detachment, maybe even go to some alanon meetings. Either way you have to do something. NOBODY CAN MAKE YOU DRINK, YOU HAVE THE CHOICE WHETHER TO PICK UP OR NOT. Take care and hope you make the right choices.

From what the topic says non alkie hubby needs a drink, if he needs a drink he is probably not a non alkie for sure. Not sure what the situation is, but please just work on yourself and kinda put him on the backburner, he has to figure out for himself and make himself happy, you can't do that for him. That is a god deal. Keep things simple for yourself.