Mom,

I'm sorry. Simply attending meetings doesn't keep someone sober. You have to embrace the program. I've seen countless zombies in there, some of court cards, who walk away without ever speaking, nor interacting or meeting someone.

As you have learned by now, only your son can battle his disease. It is good you worry, but badgering won't help.

Hopefully, despite the mom being alcoholic, the daughter is supportive of his sobriety. But alcoholics like their company and other co-dependent drinkers around.

everyone's program is different. Outside of meetings, I rarely connect with my sponsor. But my program is strong. Your son may be on the right path.

Just keep watching from a distance without harassing him. There is a section of the big book (available to read online free) called to family or for families. It's all about not pressing an alcoholic about his drinking. The same could be said about his sobriety.

Did you try al-anon or other support for relatives of alcoholics? If not, it might be a good idea as all that wondering and worrying will likely take its toll.

Hello Mombrokenheart,

Your concern for your son is natural and completely understandable but you cannot live his life for him. Broken hearted is something I can identify with tonight as that is how I am feeling but I know that I must let it go and let other people live their own lives.

While meetings would certainly help your son, it is also possible that he could stay sober for the rest of his life and never see the inside of an AA room or talk to a sponsor. The big question is, does he want sobriety? Why not step back and see how he gets on. If he remains sober then well and good and if he relapses then something else is needed. Either way, it must be his decision and his responsibility and it is something that is not within your power to fix.

Have you ever checked out Al-Anon? Maybe you can learn new ways of supporting your son, and of looking after your own wellbeing as the mother of a problem drinker. I sincerely wish that things work out well for you and your son.

I cannot fix the cause of my own sadness so I will leave the outcome in Gods hands. Maybe you could do the same.

I don't believe I badger him about it. If fact I feel bad because I don't ask any questions most of the time. I ask how he is he says good and that is about it. We asked if we wanted to go with us to a meeting the rehab he was in holds weekly. That is how I found out he has not gone to any meetings. I know it is his to fix and understand that. But this mess has ruined our relationship. I am not sure is the alcohol or the girlfriend is our biggest problem.
My husband and myself and working on getting healthier ourselves and trying to move on with our lives without him that is the heartbreaking part.

Jeff thanks so much for your help, I will check out the big book.

Huge oversight not mentioning al-anon.

Everyone is right. That would be an excellent place for you.

I think you may have to learn to let go and allow him to learn from his own mistakes. I know it is hard because you need alot of support and alanon meetings are a great place to find that support. You will learn how others found happiness despite a loved ones alcoholism.

You see what his drinking is doing to him but look at what his problem is doing to YOU! You need to live life for you and not for anyone else. You did your job by raising him and the rest is up to him. Don't blame yourself and let go of all that guilt!

We will keep you both in our thoughts and prayers!

God Bless

You can't do it for him and negativity from you can make matters worse for him. I told my parents, I'M 46, stop worrying about me, I told them if I wanted to talk about alcohol, I would bring it up. I don't need thoughts of alcohol being put in my brain, when it is the last thing on my mind at the moment! You should try an Alanon meeting, it may help you understand things about alcoholism. I have to make up my mind when I quit, nobody but me has that power.

Hello Mom,

You may guide him but you need to be careful. He may find you obsessive, or in paranoia (or whatever you name it). You need to trust him. Just be there every time he needs you. Assure him that you are with him to support him all the way. I may say that you should also live one day at a time. Cherish every day that he is sober and keeping himself busy and away from drinking.

Let go with love. Work on your own happiness. The only person that you can change is you. I have been there with an alcoholic ex wife, who would not quit. I discovered my life and went on with it. I found myself going to movies, concerts, and ball games alone. She wanted to stay home and drink. Only she could make the decision to stop. I found that I cannot make the decision for her.