I had the same experience. Years of desperately trying to stop drinking and stay stopped and years of failing. Hoping everytime that something would be different and will power would work and everytime things turning out the same.

Realising that will power was not going to work was a real turning point for me because it was when I realised that if i wanted things to change I had to stop hoping I could do it on my own and reach out for help. It was a pretty horrible time as well because realising that you are powerless to do something and could end up not being able to stop drinking was frightening. For a while i was unsure of whether to end my life or get help.

In the end I went to AA. I found out that the solution AA has is especially designed to help people who have found that they cant stay sober using willpower. After a few false starts I got sober in AA and have been that way for 10years now. Coming from being a drunk, drinking all day every day and being totally unable to stop, being sober for years is an amazing thing.

I had no hope at the beginning but hearing stories of how people were exactly like me and were able to stay sober gave me some hope that it was possible for me too. So I think that if it is possible for me it is possible for you so all is not hopeless.

Have you thought about going to AA?

my son had himself committed to a charity hospital and then he went to a homeless shelter/rehab...he went to St. Christopher's in Garrison NY...not too far. Perhaps their admissions people could help you find a place? If you have to lock yourself up for a while, it would be worth it. My son was bleeding internally like crazy and he has 3 years 1 month.
Whatever you do, you have to make it your number one priority.

Hello ScrantonPA,

There are many people in this world who drink too much and whose lives are ruined by alcohol and very often those people are not alcoholics. Some day they will decide that they have had enough of drinking and that they are going to quit. The big guns are then brought out willpower and determination and most of those people will not drink again.

Of those who continue to drink a high percentage will go on to become alcoholics. These people will eventually be left with only two options they can either drink on to the bitter end and endure the hell of active alcoholism or they can get sober. For a lucky few of those who have become addicted to alcohol, willpower can again be the answer but those people are almost as rare as hens teeth. Others will find help through counselling or by use of religion or by some other means and they will not drink again.

Then there is a high percentage of alcoholics for whom willpower is of practically no use, who have tried doctors and psychiatrists without success and who have long since given up on religion. For these people the downward spiral of drinking that you have mentioned seems to be headed for only one outcome. For them, all hope seems lost.

Much of what you have written is what I could have written about myself a few years ago. I could not stop drinking and wasnt sure if I even wanted to stop. I could not imagine how I could live without alcohol. Continuous drinking was taking a terrible physical toll and the signs for the future were pretty bleak on that score alone. Suddenly, it hit me that I was an alcoholic and that I was doomed. At that moment of truth, I was filled with terror and sadness in equal measures; terrified about the future and sad about what might have been. I was surrounded by people, yet completely alone. All hope had gone.

That was four years ago and today my life could not be any more different. Drinking and thoughts of drinking have long gone and there is hope where there had been none. Today, there is no fear about the future no matter how it works out and life is there to be enjoyed.
What then did I do to bring about this change?

Well, I was one of those hopeless alcoholics for whom willpower just did not work. When all hope had gone I admitted that I could not do it alone and became willing to learn from people who had the solution to my problem. I went to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. Therefore my friend, there is hope for you too and you are not doomed to active alcoholism. The only question that remains is are you willing to do what it takes in order to recover?

I guess its how important is it to be really alive and experiencing
life without numbing ones feelings
I too am making myself sick and I know it
I read when people say it no longer made me happy
It made me miserable and yet I keep drinking
because I felt better briefly until the next drunk
You have had some awesome feedback and its helped me
I sure hope its helped
you
thanks people

One of the things that the alcoholic thinks is that taking another drink is going to fix something . That theres a solution somewhere in that bottle.We try and try but it never works. So what we have to do is change the things we do and then change the way we think.I found my solution in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.It was there that i found other people just like me. Other individuals that have fouugt the battles that I was fighting. The very first step in being a alcoholic is admitting to our innermost selves that we need help. That this battle is much bigger than we are, and it is.I suggest you attened a few meetings.you'll be surprised at what you hear when your looking for a solution. Reach out. There will be the hand of Alcoholics Anonymous to help you . Greg

There IS hope, do not give up hope. Get to an AA meeting, go to the AA website, check out Smart Recovery or Rational Recovery or find a therapist or a church home. Read inspirational books, get outside, stay away from drinking friends and bars, clean your house of all booze.

FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE, be cunning, get all the information, tools and tricks you can find. There are great methods and great people out there with inspiring stories. You can stop drinking.

I notice you put won't in your first sentence in regards to stopping. I was totally incapable of stopping. It wasn't until I became desperate to stop that I became willing to do anything. One of my favorite sentences was "I'll stop tomorrow". Tomorrow didn't come for another 12 years.

I'm another one of those AA people who has had a wonderful way of life since '92. The only hopeless alcoholic I ever met was me and even I was able to get and stay sober and live to a useful purpose.

When I was drinking I would say "I was born and groomed to be an alcoholic and it's my fate to die drunk". Bullshit.

Look in your phone book under AA and call. Help is around the corner.

You have come to the right place! A few weeks ago, I signed up here and got a lot of wonderful, much needed advice from these great folks here. I was drinking for a few years, gradually getting worse. I got to the point where I was hungover more than not and couldn't take it anymore. I listen to others' stories and realize my situation could have been much worse and am so glad I decided to get help when I did. I tried to do this for the last few years as well, but day, I had enough. Since then, my feelings have come back, I feel soooo much better physically, I've started the SMART program, and am considering AA. I've started to pray again, and there is a sense of clarity that I haven't felt in so long. All of my unhappiness is making so much sense. I did fall off the wagon, I realize why I don't want to fall off the wagon. As much as those drinks feel nice at the moment, it's not as awesome as sobriety. You can do this, you just need help. :)