Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
Hi, I was lying down this evening, feeling peaceful. so I thought on higher power and handing over or connecting.
I became aware of my adult life - I'm 54 now- and how I've made some really bad decisions. Including drinking again, but including other things which were very self destructive.
I felt this wonderful sense of clarity - there were no excuses, but there was no blame either. I could accept it.
and - my will is what's got me in trouble - self and will. I feel it is gently losing it's hold on my life which is great.
About 6 years ago (when I was 1 year sober), my much loved therapist was trying to tell me how my wilful choices had led me down a path of self destruction. He asked if I was ready to let go my will. I was sobbing, and said 'yes!' but later I spiralled into self blame and self condemnation - everything that's ever happened to me is all my fault!
I was very unwell at the time, and rang my therapist that night sobbing 'it's all my fault!' He said 'no', went quiet, and said he'd talk to me tomorrow.
I sobbed all the way home.
that was just before my spiritual experience - self blame and self condemnation were in full swing a few days later, when I felt them get pulled out of me. I've never felt that sense of condemnation since!
And from all over the place, all this love and compassion poured into me, on and off for the next 2 weeks. It was truly amazing.
I guess the point is that I can accept the truth of myself without blame.
And this feels very freeing.
I became aware of my adult life - I'm 54 now- and how I've made some really bad decisions. Including drinking again, but including other things which were very self destructive.
I felt this wonderful sense of clarity - there were no excuses, but there was no blame either. I could accept it.
and - my will is what's got me in trouble - self and will. I feel it is gently losing it's hold on my life which is great.
About 6 years ago (when I was 1 year sober), my much loved therapist was trying to tell me how my wilful choices had led me down a path of self destruction. He asked if I was ready to let go my will. I was sobbing, and said 'yes!' but later I spiralled into self blame and self condemnation - everything that's ever happened to me is all my fault!
I was very unwell at the time, and rang my therapist that night sobbing 'it's all my fault!' He said 'no', went quiet, and said he'd talk to me tomorrow.
I sobbed all the way home.
that was just before my spiritual experience - self blame and self condemnation were in full swing a few days later, when I felt them get pulled out of me. I've never felt that sense of condemnation since!
And from all over the place, all this love and compassion poured into me, on and off for the next 2 weeks. It was truly amazing.
I guess the point is that I can accept the truth of myself without blame.
And this feels very freeing.
I need those spiritual experiences just as much today too. If I am accountable to myself, other people and my God each day there are no burdens to build into the heavy load I used to carry. I make a lot of mistakes because I am a fallible human being but I can look at myself today with far less fear or shame and take any necessary action.
Again, thanks for sharing.
Shame and guilt and remorse kept me in my bottles for many years. And it carried over into my early sobriety. As I did the work, much of that fell away, but the one thing that kept me chained to the past was my lack of self-forgiveness. That took me about a year of so before that happened, and it hit me all in one shot (I shared it here http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Alcoholism/forum/15586858-place-i-met)
Since then, my past has not been something I have dwelled upon, and see it for what it is - self will run riot. I use those experiences when I talk to the newcomer and/or working with others. I use them here and other recovery sites. I use them when I speak or share with others. But it doesn't chain me down anymore.
It's a beautiful thing you described there. Swallowing big chunks of truth about ourselves drives a lot of our healing.
Thanks again for sharing :)