Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
my story is similar to PJ's. my family gatherings were always associated with alcohol. even I remember it seemed inappropriate at times. like the death of my grandmother ( who was a devote Baptist and never drank) there we are after the funeral drinking?? I ignored these feelings and went with the family and drank also. married 2 alcoholics and lived with one for 12 years. sober vs drinking time for me. sober to take care of kids and bouts with becoming a follower of God seriously. the last 12 years I drank with partner every night. a year later we are not together and I still drink every night. go with friends out and have a few drinks but still have to go home and zone out with a few more beers. waiting for the evening to end so I can. counselor helps me minimize this. all the time I put into drinking. the getting ready- exercise to calories don't make me gain weight, nighlty hours of drinking beer- at least 2 hours. and I complain about not enough time in the day!!! I dread getting off work in the evening at 7 pm cause I know I will go home and drink. my children are upset and scared for me. I live alone in a rural area and am 58 years old. bored and keep telling myself just do what you do without a drink. really tired of it all. tired of hangovers and excuses for why I cant spend the night with sober or non alcoholic friends. tired of waiting for grandkids to go to sleep so I can go outside and smoke and drink. extreme anxiety when I get off work. not sure if it is related to needing a drink to calm down or the lack of control of not drinking. need some honest feedback please
Billy
As I see it there are probably some distinct steps or stages in the process of dealing with a drinking problem and once you know what they are it makes success more likely.
The first step (when I use the word step here it is not a reference to the AA Twelve Steps) is in recognising that there is a problem. This is not easy for an alcoholic because the obsession for alcohol will have programmed the mind into thinking that the drinking is normal or even necessary in order to survive. Therefore, all sorts of reasons will be trotted out that will justify taking a few drinks. I could have listed many reasons for drinking in the way that I did and to me they seemed completely genuine. However, when I got to AA and learned a bit about alcoholism, I could quickly see that I drank as I did for one reason and one reason only I am an alcoholic.
The second step in the process is acceptance and it took me quite a while to learn that there is a big difference between admitting that I am an alcoholic and accepting it. I went to AA meetings and introduced myself as an alcoholic but I had not fully understood or accepted the consequences of that statement. Then one night at a meeting it was pointed out to me that I was admitting to being an alcoholic but not accepting it. That was my ahaaa moment. I have since seen many people at AA meetings who are doing the same thing that I was doing at that time and they always struggle.
After acceptance, in my case at least, came a period of extreme self-pity and sadness, almost like grieving the loss of someone close. This did not lead to more drinking because having accepted that I am an alcoholic, I knew that I had only two choices and I knew what the outcome would be in both cases. I could never again use alcohol safely and one or two drinks would lead to a downward spiral that would probably result in my own destruction within a short period of time. I could still go out and drink but could no longer plead ignorance of the consequences of my actions. My other choice was to look at how I could solve the alcohol problem. Having tried and failed to do it on my own, I knew that outside help would be required. The next stumbling block was my pride and ego which falsely told me that I didnt need help from anyone and that people would be talking about me.
Had I been familiar with DS at that time, I would without doubt have been posting here and looking for advice. I am pretty certain that I would have taken a great interest in SMART Recovery, Rational Recovery and other methods that are sometimes mentioned here. As it turned out, Alcoholics Anonymous was the only approach that I was familiar with, so although I despised AA and everything to do with it, I swallowed my pride and went to a meeting.
After a period of going to many meetings I decided to avail of the solution to alcoholism that was offered by AA and that was the next step on the road to recovery. There are many slogans used in AA but I am not really a slogan person. One such slogan is: Keep It Simple and sometimes, like a lot of slogans, it gets misused. For some people, keeping it simple means doing little or nothing and this can be a convenient escape route from having to take action that can be uncomfortable. In my case, I like to analyse things and see how and why they work and it soon became apparent that I needed to change some things about myself if I was going to be successful in recovering from alcoholism and that would not be a simple exercise. I knew too that, like a student who went to college, I would need to attend some lectures (meetings) and get myself a tutor (sponsor) if I was going to make the grade. With those tools at my disposal, I found the means of overcoming that obsession of the mind which drove me to seek alcohol as the solution to every challenge.
Sassybabe11, it is clear from your post that you are admitting that you have a problem. The next step for you is to ask yourself if you accept that you are an alcoholic (and only you can decide if you are). If you accept it, then like me a few years ago, you have only two options. You can choose to keep drinking but as alcoholism is progressive, the condition will keep getting worse until everything is lost. The alternative choice is to find some means of recovery.
The AA approach to recovery is to look at the underlying conditions within the person that have led to drinking and to develop a new mechanism for coping with living so that alcohol is no longer in the equation. Very often, doing what you did before but without drink, while it may help, will not be enough. Experience has shown that for many alcoholics, a fundamental change must occur in the persons way of thinking if he or she is to recover from alcoholism.
Therefore, as I see it, you have admitted that you have a problem with alcohol and you are sick of drinking. You should now ask yourself if you accept that you just cannot drink again. If you do, it would be wise for you to look at some method of recovery, be it SMART Recovery, Rational Recovery, Alcoholics Anonymous or some other proven method. My personal suggestion to you is the same thing that someone suggested to me a few years ago when I was reluctant to go to Alcoholics Anonymous: Go to a meeting, you wont regret it.
Sometimes when you are standing too close to something it can be hard to see the wood for the trees and similarly with a drinking problem small things can get in the way of the bigger picture. Therefore, let us stand back a little and look at your situation.
You have admitted to having a problem with alcohol and you have intimated that boredom and loneliness may be the reasons for your drinking. Now, I am not here to judge you, only to look at the facts as you have presented them. Therefore, if boredom and loneliness are the problem you need to find a hobby or some stimulating activity that will take up your time. Living in a rural area myself, I know that the options are limited but that is where you can be creative and come up with new ideas. I am hopeless at gardening but at the moment, organic gardening is my big buzz and I am learning a lot about it.
If however, you take an honest look at your life and conclude that boredom and loneliness are not the real reasons for your drinking then you are at an important fork in the road. If you are an alcoholic or on the path towards alcoholism you have some serious changes to make because it is a deadly condition which can kill you. You cannot just tinker around and hope for the best but instead it is recommended that you should be prepared to GO TO ANY LENGTHS to achieve sobriety.
As regards AA meetings, there are many variations so try a few different ones. The first meeting that I went to had eleven men and one woman and even though I am a man the presence of that one lady was one of the things that made the meeting more interesting for me and encouraged me to go back. However, regardless of who else is there, if you are serious about gaining sobriety through AA, you will let nothing and nobody get in the way of your meetings. Remember, you are prepared to go to any lengths. Jump in by all means but go there with the attitude that you are going to get the most out of what is available and that means doing a bit of work.
I have never tried online meetings but I cannot imagine that they would ever be a substitute for the real thing. You are not accountable to anyone online and you can end up fooling yourself while trying to fool others. However, regardless of whether it is an online or face to face meeting, it is better to look for similarities rather than differences. The blood and thunder stories from some people may have plenty of gut feeling but they wont get you sober. The repetitive stuff on steps may well seem boring but at the end of the day, that is where you are likely to find your answers. The problem is that listening to people talk about steps or even reading about steps is no substitute for actually doing steps with a sponsor.
All I can tell you is that for me at least, the journey to sobriety through AA has not only been a life saver but it has also opened up many possibilities and opportunities that would otherwise have passed me by. AA is not however the answer to everything and there are often things from the past that require professional help. Why not combine AA with some counselling. At the same time, get some attitude and dont let anything or anybody get in the way of your recovery. Get the picture?