Hi Lucy! I can completely relate. I just went through withdrawals at home for about 2.5-3 days. I stayed at home afterwards in bed and got extremely depressed over the weekend and just thought all I want is a drink. Today I was like “what is wrong with me? That’s exactly what started this problem.” It’s definitely a mental battle. My anxiety is out of control right now and all I can think of is I want a drink.. but then I also think.. my anxiety is caused by all the things I did or didn’t do while I was drinking.. so I’m just trying to fight with myself.. Today was the first day I got up and went out after detoxing myself and I went to dinner and wouldn’t you know i ordered a drink.. but then after one I was like what am I doing??? I don’t want to live that life anymore and I stopped myself. I don’t really have any good tips because I drank for the same reason but just wanted to let you know people are going through it with you.

Thank you so much, that means a lot. I just have to ride this out until I start to feel a bit better. It's hell though! I think I might go along to an AA meeting - have you ever tried that?

I highly recommend AA! The 12 steps saved my life!

I remember my first meeting. It took alot, just to get me through the door. I sat in the back and asked the guy sitting next to me what I should do and he told me to just sit and listen period. So I did that for about 3 weeks. Then I felt prompted to raise my hand and ask a question. three quarters of those attending took turns answering my question, as it related to them. It took almost the entire hour and I was baffled that others cared that much about my sobriety! After the meeting, this guy named Bill walked toward me and asked me if I had a sponsor. I said no so he volunteered.

Having someone who had been in my shoes who was just a phone call away was instrumental in keeping me sober when my new found sobriety was still in a fragile state.

I suggest, go to a beginners meeting and you won't regret it.

Keep us posted because the path you take on your road to recovery might help someone else!

God Bless

You are on the right path, just get into action. Standing still with this is doom. The key is to fill the hole that was booze with good activities. Today I worked , took a guitar lesson, and went to my 430 aa meeting. I didn’t drink and today I feel good about who I am. I found the friends I needed and the self love that I was lacking. It’s very possible to get back into life. Cmon! Get busy
1is2many

It is hell! Today I went out with my friend and she ordered a drink and I didn’t want to this time. I got a soda. Now tonight at 2am.. I’m like I wish I had a bottle of vodka.. definitely comes in spurts. I went to AA in college as a class project (way before I even started drinking) i guess I haven’t considered it because just remembering that I don’t see how it would benefit me.. but maybe different meetings are better suited for different people. I have an appt with a psychiatrist on the 30th and a counselor on the 2nd so I’m hoping they can give me coping tools for my anxiety. I have never tried doing either soo fingers crossed. Keep me updated on how you’re doing since we are both freshly new at this feeling the same way! =)

Oh also I dunno if you’re having trouble sleeping, but I was awake for 3 days straight and not slightly tired during and after withdrawals.. I started taking melatonin at night and has helped my sleep immensely

Thank you so much everybody - it's wonderful to hear from you all. I am going to give AA a try - there's a meeting near me on Friday night. I was on there website yesterday and a message popped up from someone on "Live Chat" saying they were an ex alcoholic and they just wanted me to know they were there for me. It was really impressive and comforting. I am going to build my "tool box" of things I enjoy doing, what a great idea. I have also read a few books by people who have been down the same path. I just finished reading Liz Hemingway's book "I need to stop drinking". It is a short, easy read but rang so many bells with me. Charr good luck with the counsellor and psychiatrist. You have taken a very positive step by booking those appointments, and also by refusing a drink last night. My neighbour came round with a bottle of wine yesterday but I told her I'd decided not to drink during the week, so she completely understood and took it away again. Small steps but I was proud of myself. Thanks again and look forward to hearing from you again.

Hey Lucy! Just wanted to check in and see how things are going? I’m currently 20 days sober. It’s going great.

Hello All, Just to let you know that AA has been a Godsend. Anyone out there struggling - do go along. I am 3 months sober now and honestly, it is the best thing I ever did. Life without that horrible anxiety about alcohol is so much better! There is no judgement or criticism or pressure at these meetings whatsoever, just a group of people who have been there, done that and want to give and receive mutual support. Char, I hope you are doing well too. Best wishes.

And just like that the world got a little sweeter. I’m so glad you are walking this path and sharing your success. When I look back at my drinking I think; that’s not me. This is me now.

Congrats Lucy and great hearing from you and appreciate you sharing with your experience in AA with others! Wishing you continued success!

Thank you for sharing, Lucy! If you wouldn't mind talking a little bit more about your AA experience, I'd appreciate it. I have an AA member as a "sponsor" (really just excellent supporter) and I have the AA book. But I haven't made my way to an actual meeting yet. If I ever feel like I want to start drinking again, I WILL go to the meeting. And I am looking for a meeting that fits my work schedule, because I would like to start going. But right now I'm doing very well, and it sounds like you are too.
What a difference a month or 3 can make, right?!

Hi Lucy,
Having just joined this group yesterday I am a bit late to this conversation but I wanted to chime in as this is a subject that I am very familiar with. I began having major anxiety attacks just after losing my dad about 10 years ago. My first major attack happened on the morning of the first day of a new job. The IT guy came around to my desk which was in a cubicle shared by 3 other people. He needed to set up my computer which involved my setting my own password. My anxiety was through the roof and I began to shake so badly I was unable to type. Everyone was looking at me as if I was crazy, which was how I felt. It took me nearly an hour to calm myself down enough to enter a password. It was mortifying. After that, I was so terrified of another episode I became overwhelmed with the dread of it happening again....I call it the fear of fear. It consumed my life for about four years during which I treated it with more and more alcohol. It got to the point that I was afraid to leave my house for fear of having an attack in public. One day I decided to quit drinking knowing that according to my doctor the drinking was causing the anxiety. I quit cold turkey and the following day had a withdrawal seizure that nearly killed me. It was an extremely close call. After recovering for two weeks in the hospital, I did what many do....I went back to drinking. I am lucky to be alive today but it's not easy. Day 14 of sobriety for me today. Luckily I now know that when I am sober, my anxiety is nearly nonexistent. That is the main reason (aside from my children of course) that I am battling this disease, to be rid of the anxiety which had taken over my life. It is tolerable right now and I know it will get better if I stay sober. Incidentally I am taking Lexapro which seems to be helping but it's different for everyone. I just wanted you to know I totally understand. Anxiety is hell. You are not alone and there is a way out. Just stick to your guns and stay strong.

Keep up the good work Lucy! Early sobriety has its ups and downs. You have to learn to accept life on life’s terms. That’s not always easy for us alcoholics.

First of all, good on you for willing to go to any lenths. For that is what it's going to take to break such a cycle. The problem is that anxiety and depression are side effects from lowered levels of Serotonin, a chemical your body produces that contributes to well being and happiness. What caused the lower level is consuming alcohol. Alcohol burns up serotonin. The cycle is that you drink for short term relief which in facts causes the longer term of anxiety and depression.

To break this cycle is to STOP drinking and sit out the anxiety and depression until your body natuarally builds up its own serotonin level. Some detox centres can help you to regain missing chemicals, burnt up by alcohol, much sooner.

When I went to rehab, I was on anti-depressants for a few weeks. That helped a great deal. I was more depressed than anxious. Many alcoholics suffer both. a strange mixture. They don't know if they are coming or going.

Anxiety is about fear of things not going your way in the future.
Depression is abot fear/regret of things not going your way in the past.
It's about fear of anything not going your way. Fear of having to cope with cahnge and the unknown. Fear of uncertainty.

Sobriety, coupled with serenity, is the ability to accept and cope with anything that presents itself to you. Imagine that, a fearless life.

Recovery works if you work it.