Welcome to the group charming. Change took me practice, perseverence ad time. A lot of talking with others and gaining insights, and steering away from old habits, creating new healthy ones. One thing I do know is inaction would have got me nowhere. Hope you can take steps to make change in your life too. So much out there to explore.

Thank you for the welcomes and suggestions. This time I feel more focused and I feel that need to quit. I do have a therapist and I'm learning ways to cope. It's difficult to get back to it after a messy relapse but I know I can't continue that life anymore.

So far I have 4 years without AA. Before over a seven year period I had many relapses. Sobriety lasted from a few months to 1.5 years. I finally made the decision that I would not drink no matter what happened in my life. I used drink to escape emotions. I learned mindful meditation which was a great help. I got more comfortable with my emotions.

I found out studying brain chemistry that I can control the impulse to drink. However the compulsion is hard wired to the brain, meaning that if I take the first drink the compulsion takes over.

I also found that I had the power not to take that first drink.

Welcome, Charming,
I, too, am not an AA fan. I have gone long periods without drinking, but have always come back. The first time I gave it up was when my first husband (God rest his soul) told me I was "just like his Mother" - who was a nasty drunk. He also told me he didn't think I could quit. I got mad, and poured all the booze down the drain, and stopped cold. That lasted about 6 months, when I asked him if he was "satisfied" that I could quit. He agreed, and I went back to drinking "socially." I was fine for many, many years, until he died. Then I really got into it in a big way. Used booze to become numb. I knew exactly what I was doing, and did it anyway. I got through that, and cut back to drinking "socially" and got remarried. I was fine for a while, and then started occasionally binge drinking whenever something would upset me.
I tell you all this so that you will trust me when I say I understand. I, too, feel like a failure at times. Then I remind myself that I'm still here. I still wake up in the morning, and go on with my life. Then I still have time to become the person I want to be.
So can you. This is a good place for you. You can say anything you want, and be accepted for who you are.
That's enough for now. Good luck to you.

I am the typical AA male....but whatever is going to work to keep you sober is what I want for you....as imperminance said the first drink is that killer drink...it opens that door that allows you to take more and more and keep on taking more and more....

I know I did without AA for year but in Hawaii I decided I needed to drink to knock off a new state I had never been to before....opened door to ten more months of that same old drunk drinking without concern for what I was doing to myself or others around me....

so do not take another drink! that avoiding the first one is the best advice any of us can give...

Welcome

Find things to do at the time you typically drink. Call a sober friend to talk. Call your family. Take a walk or go to a movie. Go volunteer somewhere your heart takes you! Read or come on here. All things I've done. Big thing for me is getting new hobbies. Have almost too many now! To many friends too! Ha! . Hugs to you, Thirsty4Life

Forgot to add, YOU can do it! Your just dealing with the depression alcohol puts on you! You are not a failure! You ate here looking for help! That's something...

Are not ate! Lol..,