Pray, attend meetings, read the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, talk to someone who has been what you are right now and where you are right now, and do things that think of others first, every day, and you'll be amazed at the change in due time.

Clinical depression and thoughts of suicide warrant the support of a health professional and I hope you are seeing someone. I understand the hope that alcohol will give you relief, but the effects are fleeting and will actually leave you more vulnerable. Yes, it certainly helps to have the support of a recovery program like AA, but I'm concerned that you need some professional guidance as well and strongly suggest that you consider this as well.

Alcoholism has been listed as a mental health disorder because it is a symptom of deeper emotional issues which, in your case, would be identified by your depression and anxiety! This is something your doctor needs to know about.

I really think you should begin your recovery by making an appointment to see your pcp who can evaluate you and discuss treatment options for you. It sounds like your depression and anxiety are your triggers, and once you get them under control through medication and/or therapy, then staying sober will be much easier.

God Bless

Are there free options for therapy?

Absolutely! If you live in the USA you can apply for free medical services. Just go to the business office of your local hospital and and ask for a patient assistant application for hospital services as well as doctor services. All you need to do is provide proof of income, if any, and you could get free medical services! You see, every hospital is subsidized by the federal government and must provide free service to the uninsured or under insured if they cannot afford to pay. There is also another program which you can ask about at the hospital, where doctors provide free office visits as well. Every time a hospital brings in a new doctor, that doctor is always asked how many free office visits they are willing to donate. Most doctors donate but a few do not and there is a program that keeps track of how many office visits were used up by people employed by the hospital. Here, it is called, "Care Partners" but it might be called something different where you live. You will have to ask at the business office and they will help you.

Also, AA meetings are always free. The 12 steps of AA was the best therapy, I ever had! Good luck!


God Bless

You definitely need medical attention. See a doctor or call a hot line for suicides to find out what services are available. Here is one online https://www.crisistextline.org/

Thank you all for the help.

I have also been experiencing terrible anxiety, Frone. I know alcohol doesn't help but last night I gave in to the terrible feelings and drank.

I have been having some success with using guided meditations. Every little thing helps.

Hi Frone,
It may feel like you’re all alone, but millions of people all around the world deal with addictions as a result of anxiety or depression. Have you considered seeking out professional help for your struggles with alcohol? It’s difficult to deal with the root issues of anxiety and depression if you’re also dealing with a physical addiction. I don’t know where you live, but I guarantee there are alcohol addiction recovery and support groups. They can give you guidance regarding rehab and living a healthy, sober life. Try finding a “Celebrate Recovery” group in your area.

It may also be helpful to seek professional help for your anxiety and depression. I know our culture has a taboo associated with mental illness, but if you had an infection, wouldn’t you go to the doctor for an antibiotic? It’s perfectly okay to seek a doctor’s help work through depression and anxiety. A psychiatrist would be a great person to guide you through the root issues of your anxiety, depression, and alcohol dependence. Stay encouraged, help is out there. Most importantly, keep hope!

You're not alone. There are so many of us that find ourselves in the same position. Although we are intelligent enough to know that alcohol exacerbates anxiety or depression, it doesn't change the fact that it is a instantaneous substance that can change our feelings temporarily; whether it be good or bad. When we want to run away, we will look for any escape. Having the confidence and tools to empower yourself takes time, but you are here, welcome and don't be a stranger. Ask questions, utilise the knowledge that we share, as we have all shared similar experiences in many ways.
Love and light.
-B

Hope you are doing okay. Never feel like you are alone. Suicide hotline number is 1-800-273-8255.

Thank you all for the advice/resources. I am going to see a therapist and I'm talking to my doc about start on antidepressants. I'm still working up the courage for AA but this support has been very helpful for now.