Alcoholism Support Group

Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.

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dkay206
dkay206

My husband drinks and smokes daily. Through the years I’ve bailed him out financially and have been embarrassed of his choices. A month ago he had a mild heart attack. The night I brought him home from the hospital, I dropped him off to get his Rx and came home to him smoking and drinking. I became “flat” inside. I don’t have any time or feelings for hi due to his choices.  I think back through the year and how he always told our kids he was broke. How I bailed him out of financial problems...how he has only 30K in his retirement fund. I’m just plain angry and feel totally stupid for choosing this life again. We were married for 10 years and divorce ex for 17 and we remarried 2 years ago.  What is wrong with me to get myself back into this life? Both our sons are grown and out of the house. I’m a successful professional woman but I feel stuck. Mainly because I know my sons were so happy to have their family back together.  Just venting...not sure what the answer is for me. But I dislike how I feel so much anger and I can’t even stand to be around him. Every time he cracks open a beer, I go from zero to one hundred inside with anger;however, I say nothing because I have tried to talk to him about it through the years. Of course, I’m the nasty one. He takes no blame...he thinks I’m crazy the way I am and what I think. It makes me think I’m the one with the problem even though I know he makes me this way. Such a vicious cycle!

jeffneedshelp
jeffneedshelp
I’m sorry you are experiencing this.

You’ve discovered that the return to the storybook life isn’t so storybook. Chances are your grown sons see this too.

I would focus on you first. If that means leaving, then that’s what it means. Life is too short and when there’s a love for the bottle, a spouse becomes the third wheel.
Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
Welcome to the group!

Your husband is sick. He will not get help for his sickness because he is not motivated to get help.

You see what the alcohol is doing to your husband but "look" at what his drinking is doing to YOU!

You need alot of support for yourself and alanon is a great place to find that support.

https://al-anon.org/

God Bless
dkay206
dkay206
Thank you for replying. I know every word you wrote to be the truth. It’s just a matter of getting the courage to do something about this situation that will benefit me. Change is hard and not easy to do. And yes, my sons are aware and after their dad’s heart attack they were angry with him as well but we all so easily fall back into our normal routines and go on with life. They are in their mid twenties and I don’t want to burden them with my complaints. But they definitely know the relationship is strained. Thank you again for giving me the opportunity to get it out! Holding so much inside is rough.
jeffneedshelp
jeffneedshelp
Keep us updated.
1is2many
1is2many
Go to a support group like al anon. Somehow you need to just leave, honestly for the alcoholic the only way we get sober is when the pain of drinking is to much. If he gets his life easy then why stop? Get out and maybe he will live to get sober. Maybe not
finallyawakenow
finallyawakenow
‘Went flat inside ‘ that’s your clue to how draining his addiction is. I know this painfully from talking with my wife about the years I was hurting her with my drinking. Her feelings for me were dying too. She should have left. I’m thankful now that she didn’t, of course, but she should have. It may have snapped me out of my selfish behavior. Or I would have plunged in deeper. Either way it shouldn’t have been her problem. It took another major life event to jolt me into sobriety. Stop assisting him. Break away as best you can to protect your heart. If he notices and decides to pull himself out off the pit then great. Unfortunately only he can make that life changing choice. Bests
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