Alcoholism Support Group

Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.

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outdoorsman 02/07/2018

Like to say hello and not really sure what to do or say. Little about myself im 44 married for 25 years this year been sober for 4 years now.I am stumbling alittle bit and like to get different thoughts. I gave up drinking (beer guy) after a blow out fight with my wife and she really told me straight out hold nothing back!!!!!! And i am greatful and love her for doing so i want to make that clear! Now for the last 3 years she has taken up casual drinking and increasingly doing so behind my back. Not at all abusing alcohol! I get it i drank for years! But i gave it up to save our marrige at her demand cold turkey havent cracked one in for years. Doesnt that count for something? Superbowl night she and her sister was going to a superbowl party so i stayed home. They were going to a friends or maybe a cousins party. Next morning there are bar mugs and tee shirts on the counter. i asked her and she very softly said they went to a sports bar instead...... breathe mints to boot so am i thinking that this isnt the best support? And without starting a fight how do i approach her about this? Or let it go? Ladys chime in i dont mind honesty!

Cora_Belle 02/07/2018

So what exactly is the issue?

That your wife does not abuse alcohol when drinking in social/casual situations?

That your wife doesn't flaunt the fact that she went to a Super Bowl party at a sports bar?

Or that she isn't an alcoholic?

It sounds as if you feel in order to "support" you, she must also abstain from alcohol. Should she quit enjoying a dip in the pool with friends just because you can't swim?

If you are "stumbling a little bit", it is time to work on yourself, not turn to your wife to fix things.

outdoorsman 02/07/2018

I appreciate your truthfulness never looked at it like that. thanks

ExJerseyGirl2 02/07/2018

What do you want from her?
Do you expect her to stop drinking because it isn't fair that you can't drink and she can? If she can drink responsibly and you can't, what is the problem?

What is going on with you? How can we help you figure out the challenges you are having after being sober for years?

[A little background on me. When I quit I never expected other people, including my husband, to stop drinking or refrain from having alcohol in the house or drinking in front of me. Their drinking wasn't getting me drunk. I had to fix MY drinking problem. ]

ExJerseyGirl2 02/07/2018

Oh, and welcome! Glad you are here, and hope we can help!

outdoorsman 02/07/2018

I"m am happy for you and love the answer.

outdoorsman 02/07/2018

And very rare I was irresponsible I was a 6 pack a night more routine. never missed any work never abusive she rarely even bitched to be honest. we would go out together I would be the driver on the occasional time she wanted to let her hair down. She is defiantly responsible she takes cabs home if she is intoxicated she will sleep on the couch or a spare room. love my wife don't get me wrong not looking to fight with her .I just wanted to know if I should be worried like it becoming worse. I do appreciate the input exjerseygirl2 and cora me and my wife go to marriage counseling we do not have the perfect marriage but we both try. and this is a me issue 100 percent I asked. I deserve it.

Miralee 02/07/2018

Welcome to the group! I guess your issue is just another indicator that this addiction is for life and you have to be careful of not forgetting what made you quit in the first place. I am still early in my recovery so I try to stay clear of pubs, bars, restaurants etc. But if I did frequent these places I am sure I would feel a pang of jealousy and it would feed my craving to get absolutely hammered. If you are genuinely worried about your wife's level of drinking then have an open and honest conversation with her but make sure that is the real issue and not resentment for her being able to be a casual drinker. It may be good to have a talk regardless as her drinking behind your back is probably because she doesn't want to do it in front of you to avoid upsetting you so again I suggest you talk about it so no one has to tip toe around the other person. I wish you all the best :-)

outdoorsman 02/07/2018

let me thank you I appreciate your opinion! my wife and I have all the marriage bs everyone has and we work it out!!!!! By stumbling I meant should I talk to her about it? I can be around alcohol. I would of drove them to and from. its a nice sports bar good food. I would not go to her friends or her families. We don't get along.. and yes addictions are for life! with that said a lot of people seem to know the day the addiction went that extra whisker too far. I am for sure talking to her make sure it wasnt a last minute change of plans. the soft spoken tone was weird ..... We are better then that! I also don't want to bring it up if you people believe it would be bad idea! I am not at all looking for a fight! I do not do social media and am tone deaf to a text or email or post! As I cant tell if its anger sarcasm meant to be funny so honesty is great! ive never resented my wife or had resentment issues. I love my wife and my wife loves me back. I truly wish you the best too! thanks again people!
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RickR 02/07/2018

Sounds like the both of you need to communicate, be honest with one another about both of your expectations. I hope you speak with a counselor, pastor or minister that can offer you wise and long-term, effective advise. You don't want to second guess her behaviors and you need to ensure that your heart and mind is free from guilt, bitterness and unforgiveness.

jeffneedshelp 02/08/2018

I think honesty, how both of you are feeling
and what she wants to do with her drinking need to be explained to each other. Start there.

Yve123 02/09/2018

It can’t be easy for you to see your wife going out and drinking however she doesn’t have the addiction and her social drinking is her choice. You will need to be strong and try to get over this. She has to live her life too. Hope you don’t think I’m being horrible to you. I do not mean to be. I just wanted to say what I thought about it. Good luck on your journey. Your doing great. X

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