Welcome to D/S. we're glad you're here. Its a goodthing that you realize you have a problem. At least before you start becoming a problem. What you need to realize is that you have a disease. A disease of the body, mind and spirit. Alcoholism is so much more than just not drinking.. Alcoholism is described as an allergy of the body and an obsession of the mind.A lack of spiritual strength needed to fight it. Going to meetings is crucial. Its there you will find people just like you and some with the experience strength and hope to help you get through this phase. Make no mistake, this disease is much bigger than you think and you're going to need some help. We can support you here but its really important that you participate in your own sobriety. Go to meetings get a sponsor read the book work the steps . All of these things might sound like Greek to you now but we'll help you get started and understand this program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Again welcome to D/S.
Greg

A22 first up welcome to the site and I wish you well in your journey.

On here you will hear a lot of forms of recovery ie smartrecovery, AA and others, personally I used AA and that is my experience and all I can share with you.

But more important than what program or method you use for recovery is the need for you to follow that program. So whatever is laid out in the program for recovery I would suggest you do it. It is in your actions that will get you sober not in your words.

At the moment you are talking about things in your summer, you are still in winter, you still have Spring to get through. Don't worry about being sober in Summer think about getting your arse to bed tonight sober and then worry about tomorrow tomorrow.

If you are concerned about being around others that are drinking then don't be around them do what you need to do to be sober. Remember being sober is not about peer acceptance it is about YOUR quality of life.

Again I wish you well and hope you journey is rewarding.

G8

Seems you're headed in the right direction. Just keep taking steps in the right direction.

don't worry about the concerts, the summer plans, they "how can I do this and that without drinking" It will all work itself out if you stay the course.

I am in a pickle myself right now, and I haven't picked up a drink.

Drinking doesn't make anything better, we know that keep down, but we will think ourself into the drink, and it starts to make sense.

Stay the path and keep doing what you say your going to do, get numbers, make phone calls, get a sponsor, work with them, take suggestions and you will be well on your way.

Good luck, and welcome

Hello anned22,

Not so long ago I was where you are now and it was a pretty hopeless and scary feeling. I did the things you described and more but was good at hiding it. What brings all of those memories back was the mention of slurring of words that was where I was always beaten. I drove drunk with the children on board pretty often I am ashamed to say. The thing was, I did not believe that I had a drinking problem and knew nothing about a possible solution.

Therefore, you are fortunate in that you have already made a good start. You dont have to do 90 meetings in 90 days but I would say to do as many as you can fit in for the first three months. The meetings are important and will help you but the real answers are in the Big Book, which presumably what you have bought. I put the book aside as well but I started reading it after a week and could not stop. However, reading the book is just a start.

Like you, I was scared that I could not do it but by going to those meetings I was able to do what had been impossible and for me, that was a miracle. I also looked months ahead and had plans that I worried about. I was told to take it one day at a time and that when the time for the plans came that I would be thinking in a different way. I did not really believe a lot of what I was told at those early AA meetings and had no faith that it would work for me. Today, I know from my own experience that what I had been told was true and thankfully it has indeed worked for me.

Although you wont believe it right now you can do some amazing things sober and not only that but you can relive every happy moment. If you really want sobriety it is there for you.

Welcome!

When you drive drunk with precious cargo and still can't stop you do have a problem. I was devastated when I did with my grandson some 3 years ago. The feelings of powerlessness and desperation overwhelmed me. To risk the life of your child and know you will do it again is something I couldn't live with. I feel your pain. I had tried for 12 years on my own to quit/moderate...drink only at nite etc but it just gets the best of you.

The dirty secret is that alcoholism is progressive....at least with me...as I got older it just got worse. It took drastic steps and the 1st was to realize I couldn't do it alone. I needed help, support and some tools. I was willing to do anything...try anything to quit drinking, knowing I just can't drink any alcohol. I found a wonderful group of supportive women in AA and even though I didn't do 90 and 90 I was able to get a sponsor...support and am using the tools I've been given. So far so good. I don't "fear" driving drunk again. I don't fear a late night call where someone in the family needs me to help them...I know anytime night or day I'm sober and ready. I can't tell you how wonderful it feels to have this boulder of a burden off my shoulders. I hope you will find YOUR path to peace. best donna

By the way my husband and most of my friends are social/normal drinkers and everyone has been so supportive of my efforts that its no longer a problem for me to be around alcohol or people who imbibe. If it is a problem, until you are strong enough, just stay away if possible. If you miss an event or concert....so what! In the bigger scheme of life its pretty small potatoes!

Welcome, Anne! There's lots to change when we get sober and people, places and things are included in that. As gr8 said, you are worrying about the summer and it's still February.

You bought the book. Read it. The Drs Opinion explains very well why you're feeling the way you're feeling and why we do the things we do when we have every intention of NOT doing it.

Admitting defeat is not a sign of weakness. This disease progresses and it kills. If not you, possibly someone else. Our judgment is more than a little skewed.

Good luck and welcome aboard. :)

Hi Anne-sounds like you are getting on a path of seeing things a bit more clearly. I denied for years that I was really that bad-and holy crap I was raising children as a functioning alcoholic?! I was in such denial. It was not until I saw how my life was absolutely being ruined along with my kids that I faced the truth-I could not drink and needed to do anything I had to to get sober and stay that way.

Everything else is secondary to me.

Take a deep breath.
I was just where you are a year ago. I have 3 little kids. I drove my kids, and a friend of theirs, home from mexican food a week before I went to AA. I had had two margueritta's with dinner. I was buzzed. I was such a mess to have done that.
I found myself also drinking a bottle of cheap wine, I'd snuck into the hospital, a year before that. My oldest son, then 5, was in the hospital recovering from a collapsed lung from H1N1 and I couldnt even sit with him for one flipping overnight without drinking.
Demoralizing.
Get help. Being a drunk woman is hard. Being a drunk mom is heart breaking and desperate. get help. AA will help. The women are amazing.
I got through my birthday, my best friends bdays, a 3 day concert event, christmas, new years, 4th of july, etc. etc. You can too. But if you are an alcoholic like me, you need a program of support and a connection with a higher power. I call that higher power god and I found a god I could trust through AA.
I'm a sober mom today and feel my blessings hourly.

Welcome, Anne .... Do the best that you can. Your family - children - do have a priority as well. But you do need to put your sobriety on the front burner ... so you can BE THERE for your family. Otherwise, ... all of it will just go down the toilet. not a joke.

You are discovering that the more you try to control your drinking, the less control you have. I've been there; done that.

Like everyone suggested, get to a meeting, ask a woman who is doing the deal - the Step Work, and ask her to be your Sponsor.

I was so excited when I got to my first AA meeting (I learned all about AA here on the sobriety forums otherwise, I don't know where else I would have found the meetings!) Going to AA was the best thing I ever did in my whole life. I'm now over 9 years sober. I listened. I haven't relapsed once, because I do listen.

I did a lot of horse camping - lots of drinking going on with these folk. But I didn't stop riding with them. They all respected me and always offered me a soda. My commitment to be sober - and the fact that my AA meetings gave me so much hope for myself - kept me strong not to drink. In fact, the more I watched everyone be drunk - while I WAS SOBER - the more I realized I didn't want to be back there - as a drunk! Watching the drunks helped me be even more committed to stay sober.

I'm very much in the MIDDLE of AA and do a lot of general service work. I am so greatful that I have that allergy to alcohol because it was my emotional sobriety that I was searching for - so I wouldn't reach for the alcohol or whatever else to numb.

I'm a totally different person now. I've learned how to face fear and life head-on. I don't miss the alcohol one bit! It's so WiLd and I love it!

How was your meeting??

Annnette

Enjoy your meeting. I don't think there is any requirement to do 90/90. It's better to have quality than quantity.

Many of us considered ourselves functional, but it's all a matter of perspective. It gets worse as the years roll on, and you'd be surprised at how much functionality you actually lose. I dropped out of many things in life so that I could drink, but considered myself functional because I arrived to work on time and went through the motions.

Welcome

Thanks guys! Oh My! I'm overwhelmed at the response. Thank you. My meeting is tonight, and I'm so nervous. After talking with my husband, I'm going to go to the one around the corner from my house. I'm super nervous of seeing people there that I know. My husband said that it's best, actually to get a support group going in the community. But I might know them! Ugh. Last night, being my first sober night in a while, I sweat all night. Kinda telling.

Thank you again all. It means the world.

Let us know how the meeting goes for you. I loved my first meeting..in hindsight:) Going there was scary. Opening the door was terrifying....and then what I found was a HUGE relief.
Hang in there.

Hello anned22,

When I decided that going to AA was my only hope I drove for an hour to get to a meeting. I had a list in my head of people I knew and who were alcoholics and I was terrified that I would meet any of them. Five months later I made it to the local meeting which is five minutes away and my fears were groundless. Not one of the people on my imaginary list was there. I did meet a few people I knew but did not care because they were at the meeting for the same reason as me. So, even if you do know a few people there dont worry. In fact, those people are likely to be your best support and they will want to do everything to help you.

Go with the attitude that getting sober is so important to you that nothing will stand in the way. Even if you have to neglect the home a little bit for a while it will be worth it in the end for all concerned. Dont judge AA on one meeting but give it a fair go. If you ever decide that it is not for you, the alcohol will still be there and you will have lost nothing. However, once you see what is on offer and the difference it can make to your life I doubt if you will ever want to go back to the hell of drinking.

Arrive early at the meeting if possible and get talking to a few members they are very welcoming people. Stay positive and enjoy the experience.