oh, yes, I know that ego plays into this - that I want to be accepted and liked, but more than that, I want to know that I have done all that is possible to foster a relationship, and that failing, it is ok to say "fine, whatever" and walk away.

The first couple of years I was in AA there was a lady in our group who, it seemed, was not only very snobby and cliquish, but especially rude to me personally. I examined my own attitudes and behavior until I just couldn't do it any more, and finally worked up the nerve to ask her point-blank what it was all about.

"Can we get this on the table?" I asked her one day. "Because if it's something I've said or done, then I hope you'll at least give me a chance to set things right."

"Oh, it's nothing like that," she replied. "It's because you remind me of my father. You look just like him." That said, she stuck her nose back up in the air and walked away.

Case closed.

M, my daughter came to me less than a month ago with the same problem with a co-worker. It is always better if we can get along with the people we are with more than our own families!

Have you sat down with her and asked her if you offended her in any way? If she says "no", then maybe that will at least open some dialogue for how you can both work together. If that doesn't work, then know it's about her. I think you'll feel better in knowing that at least you tried. Then you can let her be as miserable as she wants to be.

What's funny, is that as soon as Katy stopped playing into her shit, her coworker stopped playing the victim with her. Today, they get along ok. I hope when all is said and done, you can focus on the 99 people there that love you and not the 1 who doesn't.

By the way, how are your roses doing? The heat is killing mine! Any suggestions?

Our roses are hanging on. I just try to water them about once every 4-5 days, and keep them dead headed. I'm just trying to keep everything alive - garden ICU.

Odd as it may seem, any office situation i have ever worked in, there was always ONE person that didn't like me. I was not worried about it in any case, because there was nothing I had done to create that, usually it was because I was better looking, had a better looking boyfriend or something really stupid like that, I would do as previously suggested and ask if you had offended her in some way. You may or may not get the truth, but at least you'll get a better feel for it. Good luck and hang in there, surely it is not about you.
Shelly

This is just a thought and I may be way off, but you may want to consider this.
One persons quiet is another persons obnoxiously loud.

I myself tend to be quiet as a church mouse except when listening to Pin Floyd.
I used to work with a lady that you could always hear clear across the office. Obviously her household was loud everyone talked loud the TV was Going the kids were yelling etc. while at my house electronics were kept low children were taught to be low keyed and not shout and yell etc.
We all become used to our own environment and hen confronted with another's back round that is quite different it can be offensive.
Once again I may be way off and the other people's advice has ben quite good.

I think I would ask her if she has a few minutes & take her somewhere private and just tell her you sense some tension & ask if there's anything you've done that offended her.

I would have to know or it would make me crazy & the animosity would build up until I exploded and then one day in anger, I'd probably yell "what the F is your problem b word?" LOL! :) But that's just me....hee hee..

I can't handle situations like that, I have to put it out there in the open or it'll make me nuts.

It's probably nothing at all to do with you.. good luck! :)

I love that story Nemo-how many times have we walked around thinking and thinking what the heck have I done to that person and find-it is absolutely not what you thought?

I agree with the idea on here that you need to sit with her and point blank tell her you are aware of tension between the two of you and would like to know where it is stemming from. She may dodge this or not-but you did the right thing by asking her. This is your work place, and the two of you need to work comfortably together-so try and make that happen on your end.

I have the same thing going on in my office. But in my case I think it is mutual dislike. I can't even count how many times she or I have tried to get along. We have made up and then something happens...not even sure what and we go back to the not talking. I don't even think we could classify as frienemies at this point although I would settle for that.
she is on my 4th step for sure. If she could just quit work then her portion of my 4th step would stay smaller. :)

Maybe it really is something as small as the noise thing. If you work in close proximity of each other and your job is noisy, as you say, maybe that really winds her up. I have a thing about noises (hypersensitive to the loud sounds because it's a PTSD trigger) so when my friend at work that sits next to me slams his drawer shut or does loud, fast drum rolls on his next-next thing ya know, I'm in anxiety and my mood has changed. Until I have him carried away in a straight jacket and thrown in the paddy wagon! Hehe. At first he didn't respect my reasons for wanting him to just TRY to keep it down and felt that I was just bossing him or something. But one day I pulled him aside and said, "Hey listen, when you slam your drawer like that when I'm all peaceful and concentrating on my work, it reminds me of when my dad would come home drunk and start slamming doors and throwing furniture. So while I would never confuse you for my father, dear friend, you trigger that sense of panic I would feel as a scared little kid." He didn't quite know what to say and now has calmed down a lot (poor guy, he's just overactive) but I still have to ask nicely sometimes for him to chill out and he doesn't get all defiant about it because we both realize it's not a power struggle.
Maybe one approach could be to ask her if the noise really bothers and just to probe to find out to what degree. Maybe if you get her talking it may start out with the noise thing but then she may feel more comfortable sharing something more. If so, and it's something you can at least try to improve, then great. If not, then oh well and don't invest any more thought or energy into this energy vampire!!!! Muhahahaha

I had a VERY similar experience in my office. From my point of view - don't do what I did! I said to myself, 'I don't need to be friends with this person. If she can't be nice to me, I don't need to try either.' I stopped saying good morning and trying to have polite talk with her. It became a war of silence. Then she went to the boss. I got called out as a "bully" and the boss said that the 'meanest thing you can do to a person is to shun them.' I had no defense, even though she "started it." I should have done what the other people here are advising and asked her point blank what the problem was. Thankfully she transferred to another department, and my nasty side still sees her as a complete back-stabbing witch, but maybe none of it would have happened if I had had the courage to confront the problem outright.

You could staple her stuff to her desk. Oh, wait those are the old ways.
If it ain't yours don't own it.

Freaky thing happened today. We actually got along and ended up having a friendly little conversation. Of course, after posting my original post yesterday, and reading all the replys, I was in a much better spiritual condition today. Hmmm, you think that had something to do with the turn of events???