Alcoholism Support Group

Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.

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Misty82
Misty82

I hope it's ok I post here.  My boyfriend has a drinking problem and I just don't know what to do.  We've been together for many years now but his drinking is the same.  That along with smoking weed, gaming and partying with his friends seem to be his main priority.  We are actually breaking up soon because he wants to have his own space and do his own thing.  I feel it's because he just wants to live the life of someone in their 20's.  He's in his late 30's and hangs out with people in their 20's.


He doesn't drive or has ever had his own place.  He can't save money or prioritize his life.  I feel his drinking and obsessive smoking is partly to blame.  He has to be constantly high and when he gets stressed or hangs with his friends or any event, he has to drink.


He is ruining his life and has distrupted mine.  He knows what he has to do to get his life on track. He always does the opposite. Every time he gets stressed he has a "fuck it" attitude and opens up a beer.  He doesn't care about anyone anymore including me. It's like he's pushing me out so he could do whatever he wants.  He just wants to live this life that's so unhealthy for him.  The thing is that he is miserable.  Always unhappy and knows he needs to cut back on his drinking.  
Now since we are having relationship issues, it's almost like he hates me for not being like him.  I don't drink or smoke.  He prefers his friends who do and everything I do is just not interesting to him anymore.  


 I'm trying to understand this and want to help him and just understand him.  Im assuming there nothing I could do as he has to make the decision himself.  I guess I just need support.  

billwfriend
billwfriend
Alanon family groups is your pathway to seek....you did not break him and certainly cannot fix him....time to detach and let him hit his bottom or die or go to jail....that's his three options following the path you described above.....
google alanon and contact them to help yourself....do not try putting the mask on him....help comes once you have helped yourself....

hanging on when you know your breaking up is insanity....
Misty82
Misty82
It’s definitely insanity. Problem is that he lives with me and won’t be moving out for a while and his drinking is getting worse. He stays out at friends houses multiple times a week to party and has been increasing his drinking at home.
It’s affecting my mental health and I can’t move on with him here. He’s losing control of himself and I’m in direct impact. I just don’t know what to do. I tried giving him a move out date but he pushed it out more. I’m a very timid person and hate confrontation and he knows this.
I’ll definitely check an Al-Anon group. Thank u!
billwfriend
billwfriend
Your welcome, he is a tornado roaring thru your life some cover up and take shelter from him by attending ALANON at least six times to see if they can relate their ESH (experience, strength, & hope)
1is2many
1is2many
Leave Now
Misty82
Misty82
He lives with me but won’t leave till he gets money saved. He takes advantage of me and doesn’t even want to be with me. He cares more about his party friends than me. He knows he’s hurting me but doesn’t care.
Shiney
Shiney
RUN, you need to save yourself!
finallyawakenow
finallyawakenow
it sounds like his behavior has spiraled so much into avoiding reality that it will be IMPOSSIBLE for him to leave. ANYTHING he says and does will be lies. You must see this and take your life back. IF he ever recovers it will be a long long long road most likely filled with relapses. PLEASE don't let this be your life. Waiting and hoping.....
Seek legal council, maybe a woman shelter can help. Move his things out to a motel and change the locks. Involve friends and even your landlord(?), local PD. You need to make this real because he does NOT have the ability.
And of course you are welcome here. I read your last post and You should go back and read it again to see that this situation won't change until YOU decide to make it happen. This tough love is the only way he has a chance of seeking help after he admits his addiction. But that's HIS journey not yours.
I wish you all the peace and kindness :)
billwfriend
billwfriend
you in one breath say he spends every single penny getting drunk and high but other breath believe he will save enough to move out.....is that insanity in your brains? he is just hanging where a meal ticket is....free room and board....get him out...,if you own the home evict him legally....if it is an apt. then you need to move out and get a place he has never seen.....
Misty82
Misty82
I just dumped him! Found out he’s been cheating on me with a coworker.
finallyawakenow
finallyawakenow
I’m really glad that he gave you the motivation. Now you can care for yourself. Best of luck and let us know how you’re doing.
Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
Love yourself enough to take care of yourself, and find your own happiness away from the drinking....away from the drama.....away from the fear.....and away from the financial and emotional abuse!

Let us know how yu are doing from time to time...

We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers.

God Bless
Renee61
Renee61
I understand what you are going through. I did the same, my husband his addiction problems there was nothing I could do. First, he would not recognize he had a problem, and even when I thought he accepted and wanted treatment it was just for me and to prove that he could do the program. It was to show that he went without the alcohol and drugs completed the program and now he is fine. a month later he slowly goes back to his habit. I never tell a person to leave unless it is life-threatening. I do say don't let it consume you please put your life first an addict is not dependable make sure you can take care of yourself. The point is not to give him any power it's not to say you wont worry or pray for him but don't let him see that. Those are things that keep him motivated that make you care even more and he thinks he is in control. You are in my prayers
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