Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
Hey guys, I just joined. I'm sitting at work and needed to talk to someone right away because I don't know what to do. I got my first sponsee about 60 days ago. She is homeless, and came into recovery after being run over by a car while drunk and fighting. She had an infection that landed her in the hospital. My sponsor is a doctor and she gave this woman my number and a big book. So, the woman called me, I took her to a meeting. After the meeting, she asked me to be her sponsor. I agreed. So then she was moved to a transitional center while she was getting anti-biotics for her foot. She was there about three weeks, during which I was taking her to meetings three to four times a week. I gave her a phone list, but she resisted calling anyone else. She got a few people to take her to meetings other than myself during this time. I gave ther assignments, but when I would ask her if she'd done them, she'd say she couldn't concentrate enough to read or that she didn't understand the questions. Everytime we were together, she would tell me all of her personal problems, which is a LOT, because he has nowhere to live, no DL, no social security card, etc. I would have to force her to talk about recovery, but very quickly she had some excuse. Anyway, she went into a sober living center two weeks ago. She called me today to tell me that on Sunday she was meeting with a counselor who told her that she couldn't have any contact with a male friend of hers anymore (bad news) and that she would be assigned a sponsor in treatment. This made her very mad, and apparently she went off on the counselor and was kicked out of the center. She called me today from the Salvation Army, asking if I would take her to a meeting tonight. Should I do it? Any advice?
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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Hope the dog days of summer aren't getting you down!
Your number one responsibility is to look after your own sobriety and well-being and sometimes that means saying ‘no’ to worthy causes. In this case, I think that you are putting yourself under too much stress and that is not good for your recovery.
The main job of a sponsor is to help a sponsee through the Twelve Steps and that is something that should be clarified at the very start. Many people are not aware of what sponsorship means and as a result it can mean many things to different people.
When you do sponsor someone, it is wise to follow the guidelines in the Big Book. The BB keeps it simple and there are no phone lists or assignments (except making an inventory in Step 4 and a list of people to whom amends should be made in Step 8). Meeting with a sponsee face to face and covering the various Steps as laid out in the BB makes it easier all around.
You can of course be a big help to this poor lady without entering into a formal sponsorship arrangement. Listening to her telling about her endless problems can be pretty boring but for her, being able to talk to someone she trusts can make a vital difference. Try to listen to her and encourage her to go back to the counsellor, apologise for her behaviour and ask if she would be taken back.
Maybe your sponsor was wrong to put you in this situation, although I have no doubt that her intentions were good. I have had experience of encouraging a sponsee to sponsor other people and it turned out that it was not the best thing for this person to do, due to emotional health reasons etc.
With the crazy husband etc. maybe it would be better for you to keep your distance.
God Bless
In regards to others including yourself to get her to a meeting my sponsor said to me, if they can get to a grog shop themselves they can get themselves to a meeting. If they are serious about getting recovery they will get to a meeting. Remember the part of the steps about how far are we willing to go. I would suggest that if they can not get themselves to a meeting they are not willing to go very far at all.
May I suggest you ask them how serious about their recovery and what lengths they are willing to go to. Then re-evaluate where you sit in this person's recovery.
Wish you well G8
I deal or communicate with the people because I was taught I had to in order to maintain sobriety, however when they get to be too much, I admit it, and distance myself from their drama. It too is a lot of drama, drama I didn't get sober for, and drama I got sober to get away from, so most of it is my fault, by trying to save the day, because I still have an attachment to a fear based God, whom I think is going to punish me for not having the power to deal with very selfish people, so selfish they will effortlessly take from others not caring or knowing the harm they cause.
What it sounds like in your particular case is this person is using you, and also the pairing wasn't exactly genuine, she was more or less pawned off on you. Don't think you're going to break her heart if you fire her, she probably will care less and move on to the next person she is going to use, consciously and subconsciously. If she wanted help she'd do the assignments, not vomit her problems in your direction, and would have not gotten herself kicked out of a safe, and helpful environment. This person sounds ungrateful, not to mention someone who is probably wiggling her way in your direction, eventually trying to manipulate the situation to move in with you, or mooch money off of you.
The key is she isn't willing to do the work, bottom line. My sponsor did me a great service where he rewarded my needs after he was convinced I was all in on the steps he was trying to teach me. I had to give my sponsor good reason to believe he could help me and it would benefit both him and I. I hear no good reason for you to go out of your way to help this person, after all the AA work needs to be a vocation, the steps in daily living are the way of life, most people get this backwards. Most people think helping the person still sick is the way of life, but you have to practice the steps, to earn you life back, and then in your free time, while that life is spiritually growing, that's when you can afford to help the sick, but if you're sick, from helping the sick, the end result will just be two sick people, one who was on their way to becoming well, brought down by the sick person not really wanting to change, and content being sick.
There is a fine line between helping and hurting, and if you're not strong enough to know the answer, there is nothing wrong with saying "hey I cannot sponsor you right now" and leave it at that, believe me, if a person really wanting to get well hears that, they will just know another sponsor will be right around the corner, but this person sounds like she is more interested in being selfish than learning what not being selfish is all about.
If it is not making you happy, joyous, and free, it is not recovery.