If he wants to stop safely he will need medical attention, especially if he has a history of alcoholic seizures.

I would suggest Al-Anon for you, there's a wealth of experience among others there who have a loved one who us alcoholic.

Some people can relapse even after years of sobriety if they do not do what they need to do to stay well.

Alcoholism is a progressive illness and that is why time is no real barometer of an alcoholic's success in not drinking again. The drinking is a obvious symptom of what needs to be addressed.

For me it required far more than making it through the day without a drink, I needed to address causes and conditions and work a programme of recovery to be free of the mental obsession that drinking was the answer to mental and spiritual problems. Now I can go anywhere and not be interested in drinking but it took a lot of work and doing daily what I need to do to stay recovered.

Your husband may find he needs to do something similar if wants long term recovery.

Here's a link to Al-Anon

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org

Rummi he has to have the desire to stop.....without that your screwed...everything you do for him will fall on drunk ears....do get him to eat and surely hope he doesn't have seizure but without his desire for sobriety it will be wasted efforts....maybe not entirely wasted planting seeds but for most part without his desire there is no hope

Vegas is one of those places, that's probably not in the cards ever again. It's an incredibly tough place for alcoholics, who have a history of experience unlimited amounts of alcohol.

Rummi,

I, 100 percent agree with Billwfriend, reply #2. I didn't see anywhere in your post that he is showing the desire to want to stop. I would say he pretty much wants to stop but has lost the ability to make those decisions by this time, and couldn't stop even if he wanted to because of the withdrawal.

My brother died of alcoholism at 50 years old. He bled to death. It would make a full book trying to tell you of all the urgings from family, friends, and medical personnel to try to get him help. It was heartbreaking to see this happening and it ended the way we all feared.

Al-Anon might be a good choice for you. I will say your post has helped me a lot. It brought home to me what we witnessed with my brother and reminded me that I don't want to go there.

I agree with those who recommend Al-Anon for you. I understand your desire to do everything you can to help, but your husband's sobriety is his responsibility, not yours. Still, two months of sobriety isn't that long, and Vegas might not have been the wisest choice of destinations for a fun get-away at this point. Al-Anon and other literature on the nature of alcoholism could give you more insight as to what you and your husband are dealing with.

Was your husband using a program of some sort? I ask because I did have to go to Vegas, by myself, for business at three months sober, and it scared me to death! I discussed it at length with my AA sponsor, called central office as soon as I got there, and attended two meetings during the 4 days I was there. I had a great time and didn't drink. My husband and I have been back since then, and we've enjoyed ourselves immensely. We have no desire to drink, and being around alcohol doesn't bother us. We've both been in AA for a number of years.

Thank you all for your replies. Yes, I know that when an alcoholic really wants to stop they will make 100% effort to do so. I do believe my husband tries to stop however his addiction has always defeated him. He is also bipolar and has been off his meds for about 1 month as well due to bad side effects to his meds. He opted to try to stay off his meds at that time since he had made the decision to be sober. he figured that perhaps his diagnosis of bipolar was not true and that his problem was more his alcoholism. And since he wasnt drinking anymore he figured he was good. Well.....I guess not!

I know that my husbands situation is critical. And I also know that his battle is not mine to fight. I removed him from the house last night because I can no longer go through these relapses. I know that an alcoholic will always be an alcoholic.....my father is a recovering alcoholic and has been sober for more than 25 years. However its only been a few fears that I have let my guard down even with my dad. I know this disease very well and know the devastation it causes amongst families and relationships. I have made the decision to step away from it for now and give my husband time to figure out his own path. I have stood by him totally committed to see him through sobriety however I am not interested in watching him kill himself.

Deogee, yes it is awful to see a loved one kill themselves with booze and have no control over it. My husband has been lucky with his life so far and God has given him many chances to change. Unfortunately even though he has been through many hospitalizations he refuses to stop drinking. I know its a matter of time and I have resigned myself to the knowing that I will bury him. I do love him and for that reason I have stuck around to offer support and assistance however at some point I think we all have our limits. He is self destructive for whatever reason and I know that there is nothing in my power that can change him. However I must say that I do have faith and I do believe in Gods miracles. I have resigned myself to Gods control and have let it in the hands of my master. Whatever our fate will be I will accept openly and move forward with my life graciously.

I feel sorry for all the individuals affected by this awful disease called alcoholism. It tears the heart and soul out of not only the alcoholic but also the those surrounded by it. I can honestly say that I have learned a great deal about the alcoholic in my life with my father and now my husband. I dont know why I was given this fate however I love both of these men incredibly and I dont regret having them in my life despite the circumstances. Because of what I have learned I have become strong and I carry an arsenal of strategies to live and cope with the effects of alcohol. Im not saying that I have solutions Im just saying that I have learned to cope with the effects of living with the alcoholic. It is a struggle and a fight against one of the biggest demons in human existence....addiction.

Im not giving up on my husband in any way. Just like I never gave up on my dad. I will love my husband unconditionally always the only decision I have made is to remove him from our home that i believe was the best thing to do for the moment. He needs space and I do and perhaps through that time apart he can focus his attention back to his sobriety and we can get back on the recovery process.

I had to let him know that me loving him does not mean that I must watch him destroy himself on purpose. Me letting him go and allowing him to make the decision on his own to either live or die will be the true testament of his life. Will he be a conquerer or will he be conquered is all up to him and GOD. I know that I do not have that control.

Rummi, I know how you feel. My husband stopped for two months as well and now he's drinking again. He attends AA meetings and he's been trying but he just can't seem to stop. I sometimes wonder if it's my fault as well but the truth is, it's not our fault. We can't control grown men.

two things

1 Thanks for posting this because as a recovering alcholic this is extremely helpful in helping me to stay sober today. from the bottom of my heart thanks and i will pray for you.

2 You have done the right thing by removing him. the only way that one of us can finally get it is to bottom out.

Prayers from here
1is2many

Rummi,

I believe you did the right thing by removing him. I know it hurts big time and it doesn't mean you don't love it. I guess that's what has been called "tough love".

I believe in miracles also. That I'm still alive today is a miracle. After reading your post and replies, I think I'll go to an AA meeting tonight. And I will say a prayer for you and your situation.

Hello rummi,

You have made a difficult decision in removing your husband from your home but it is probably the right decision. He will now have to take responsibility for his drinking and hopefully he too will make the right decisions.

I do not know anything about bipolar but maybe he needs to go back on the medication as well as looking at the drinking problem.

I have seen a lot of miracles in AA so never give up hope. If you still have contact with him, you can encourage him to get himself a sponsor and do whatever it takes to get sober. For now, you may want to look after yourself and Al-Anon would help you with that.

Beautiful post. I am an exwife of an alcoholic. I will love that man til the day I die, however I cannot let him destroy me like it is destroying him. If this post helps just 1 alcoholic to stay sober one day at a time, then it is worth it.

I know my ex feels he is not worthy of love and it is sad because even though he is an alcoholic, he is a good man, just self destructing.

Rummi, stay strong. He has to fight this disease to the bottom of his heart for himself. I know I had to make a decision to stay away from my ex until he hits bottom and realizes he has lost control of his drinking and only facing life sober will get him off his self destructive path. Unfortunately I do not believe my ex will ever quit drinking and one day me and our kids will have to go to his funeral. So sad. Alcohol does destroy families.

Hi Rummi,

Hope this might can help. I've been sober for 7 months after long term drinking. Also bipolar. I've been told to wait at least 1 year before stopping any bipolar medication, and to only do it with a doctors permission. I have had the doctor to change meds a few times because of bad side affects to certain medications. I also make sure my sponsor knows what is going on in regards to meds.

Take care,
RHRN

Rummi, youre very brave and strong for standing your ground and removing him. I know first hand that it is extremely difficult. I really hope everything works out and that hes able to quit. I know how you feel. Stay strong!