It is tough and it always shakes me up a little too. Just remember to keep the focus where it belongs. On YOUR recovery.

Thanks Drafter,
I will just continue to focus on my meetings, working the steps, reaching out to newcomers, reading the BB, focusing on my recovery. Its just tough!!!

i relapsed recently i so did a close friend in recovery when someone i care about is hurting its a gd reminder of why the right choice is not to pick up. i hope your friend keeps coming back and i hope you do too x

One of my friends has relapsed too. He's had drug and alcohol problems for years (whether he is still honest with himself about that or not). He went to AA meetings for a little while, other group meetings, and went though an in-patient rehab program. He was completely clean from everything but cigarettes for 6 months and then he fell back in with the wrong crowd; he started dating a drug and alcohol user and moved in with an alcoholic and drug user.

I have done everything in my power to help him, but sadly you can't really help someone if they don't want to be helped. I recently sent him a txt message and asked him if he was still drinking, so he just isn't talking to me anymore. I know it's an addiction and he doesn't have much control over it, but it really hurts to have a friend turn their back on you like that and watch them go back down that path. I supported him through so much; now I'm trying to get a handle on my underlying depression and social anxiety with very few friends to help me through those struggles and he isn't showing me that same support because he has his head too far up his ass. It does hurt, but I know that all I can do is keep taking care of myself.

Yeah, Stacey, I totally understand. It's not easy. But as Drafter said, you have to take care of your own recovery. We can only carry the message.

Prayers for you and your friend.

~Chris

Hello everybody, Relapse is not necessarily a bad thing. This is a fact proven by years and years of groups. The old timers explained it to me like this. Everybody has to have gotten enough of drinking. You have to be sick and tired of being sick and tired. Some people are just not yet ready to stop drinking yet. Sometimes they need to go back out and get them some more. Then, if they live through it, they will have gotten them some more consequences, and some more motivation to work the program! I know this sounds mean, but its the truth. I dont wish relapse on anybody, but it sure has been a part of my recovery. When I first came in, I just wanted my wife and other people off my back, I did not really want to get sober. So, of course, I did not. I would get a week, then drink, then I would get a month, and drug, then a little more time, drink, and this went on for over a year. Finally, I realized that I was seeing the same people at these meetings, and they were actually sober and happy! They were smiling and laughing, and talking about things that happen in normal life. I wanted that. I wanted what they had, because my life was miserable. I did not remember the last time I smiled or laughed. So, after a year, I finally got a sponsor, and started working the steps, and guess what, I stayed sober. I got two years and a half, then drank for one night. That scared me, and it was because I kept putting off working my fifth step. So finally I did that, and man I felt so much better. God then granted me five years straight without a drink. Till one day I was in Las Vegas on business, and had really fallen back on meetings, steps, etc.. and I picked up a drink again, just for one night, but I had to start all over again when I got back. See, I needed every single drink, and every single drug I took to get me willing enough to try working the aa program. It would not work before I was ready. I hope I am done with that stuff now, but maybe your friend just needs to do some more research before she is ready. Thats all in Gods hands. It will only happen when its supposed to, I believe. When she is ready, be sure you are there with aa to lift her up out of her mess, and help her back to sobriety. It takes what it takes for all of us. So going back out may be just what she needs to get motivated. It worked for me. Just be there for her when she needs it. Have a great day yall, and God bless! Stephen

I had to let a friend go as she kept busting. I had met her in AA and that is where I said my friendship needed to remain, in AA. It was a tough decision yet she was affecting my sobriety.

I spent weeks thinking I had done the wrong thing. Yet, I now so know it was right.

I am sober today :)

Let go, let HP.

I finally heard back from my friend today. I better explained to him that I am a recovering alcoholic, that I can't drink, and that I really need a good friend who can help support me, one who isn't drinking every time I see them. I pointed out to him that we lived about 15 min away for 4 months, I only connected with him about 3 times during that period, and he was drinking each time. If he is not ready to stop drinking then I can't keep pushing the matter, but I think he's a good enough friend and has enough respect for me that he will at least stay sober while we are hanging out now that I have explained it that way. We are hanging out tomorrow and I think that will be good for both of us because we are both dealing with other similar underlying problems (which is part of what lead us to drink in the first place, self-medicating) and we can at least support eachother on those deeper underlying issues.

At this point alcohol isn't even really a temptation for me; it's more the pain of watching people I care about drinking and enabling. My youngest brother has been showing some of the same behaviors and patterns that I did when I started to realize that I am an alcoholic. It scares the shit out of me because I'm worried that he is going to hurt himself or have another psychotic episode (he's already been hospitalized twice for mental health issues). Ultimately the only person I can take care of is me (even that is questionable haha), but it's so hard seeing people you care about slip into addiction and being powerless to do much about it.

It is always sad when someone we know, especially if a close friend, returns to drinking. We have no power of their alcoholism any more than we have power over our own.

If you are new to recovery yourself and she calls you to meet up, a good idea is to agree to meet her at a meeting rather than a local coffee shop or somewhere. This means that you establish boundaries for ongoing contact with her if that's appropriate but sooner or later we have to let those people go because we may actually be enabling them to believe their own BS.

We do the most loving thing, which often is about letting go Meanwhile focus on your own journey, it is really easy to get caught up in the drama of someone else's relapse to the detriment of our own recovery!

I'm glad you laid out the ground rules with your friend. If it works, great! If not, you can walk away knowing you did your best.

Sorry about your brother. But at least you are taking care of yourself.

I would say take the word "worry" out and install ""work" and you have a great solution.