Oh boy can I relate. I drank for 20 plus years. It all started out as a big party after I left my abusive husband, but it was not long and the alcohol controlled me. I am remarried but after I stopped drinking (16) months ago. I had/have a hard time finding who I am. I lost many many years. This makes me sad. I have a hard time relating to my hubby. I met him during my party years, and even though we don't party there is somewhat of an ackwardness. But on a happier note I still perferr this sober life over drunk. I love the peace I now have and the over all value of life. I felt where did my life go. But with time that feeling departed, as I am sure yours will to. Nobody tells us the down side of not drinking. They often tell us how great it is to be sober. Just remember all and all it is better. Don't beat yourself up over being sad or lost, or feeling like you have lost so many years because you are certainly not a lone. But believe me it does get better and the sadness and guilt will go away and replaced with joy and happiness of being HEALTHY and SOBER.

Hello Yasabella,

You have certainly made a lot of sense and your post reminds me of how I used to feel at one time. Although I have a family there were periods of great loneliness, even when in the midst of a crowd and also a feeling that life was passing by and had little meaning.

You say that you dont have an education but life itself is better than any formal education so dont underestimate yourself or what you are capable of doing. It is sometimes said that people stop developing emotionally at the same time that they turn to alcohol to help deal with living and for that reason many who stop drinking find that they have the emotional maturity of a teenager. Perhaps the best clue to what troubles you and where you will find the answers is in your statement about feeling bad about yourself and your life and feeling scared. The path to happiness and serenity may be through dealing with those issues but it is something that cannot be done easily on your own.

When I first went to AA meetings, although I had little or no belief in what people in AA told me, I still had a fascination with the programme of recovery that they talked about. It was probably by default rather than sound logic that I decided to get a sponsor and to delve deeper into what those AA people promised. It turned out to be a fascinating journey of self-discovery that has allowed me to fill that inner void that had existed for almost all of my life. You see, when I stopped drinking I was still wandering around in the fog, only now it was a cold and wet fog. I needed guidance in order to find the path to freedom.

There are probably many ways that you can find your own path and you dont have to do what I did. However, it has worked for me and many others and may work for you too. At 43 you are still a kid LOL and there are plenty of opportunities ahead. Take a chance on doing something different and if you dont succeed the first time, put it down to experience and go again. If people laugh at your efforts, learn to laugh at yourself.

What I have discovered is that the unknown thing that I was looking for over many years was a spirituality that was there all along within myself. Maybe you need to make contact with your own inner spirit.

try joining up with meetup.com and making some new friends together on that site....it just allows you the choice of making an event your group is going to or not and you join groups that interest you...mine is singles over 50...they have them for 40 too....it is socialization skills that will help this feeling become gone....hugs bill

I understand that feeling ! I stopped maturing at 17 when I started drinking. I didn't mature at all from age 17 -39 when I last plugged the jug. Keep your head up and make things happen in your life!
1is2many

I can very much identify with this post. There are still times when I wonder where my life went. PJ pretty much summed up what I was thinking. The spititual part of me had been neglected for so long, it is something I continually work on

I definitely can relate, and you said it so well with being checked out emotionally. I too realize that I was really checked out, myself, because I didn't want to cope with the poor decisions I had made, and I used alcohol to escape any kind of emotional reaction---even blissfully happy ones. I robbed myself of what life is all about, which is equally about the lows as the highs.
Early sobriety is painful---not just on the physical level but perhaps even more so on the emotional and psychological one. The physical aches and pains will leave, but then we are left with the hardest part---learning why we drank. It is during this time that people like you and I realize that alcoholism was a manifestation of something MUCH bigger.
You are learning who you are. When you first meet someone new, you ask them questions to get to know them, right? Start asking yourself those questions, like "what is my ideal job" "where do I want to be 10 years from now" and even simply, "what do I like to do in my pass time that makes me feel good about myself?"
As painful as a stage this is, the fright and anxiety you are feeling is normal and will pass. They are signs that you abstaining is working!
It GETS BETTER. Hang in there and wait for it, because it will come sooner than later.
God bless you and remember: you are NEVER alone.

What I learned is that my past is my past. It cannot be undone. I live for today.

I identified a lot with your discussion subject Yasabella, For all of my sobriety I have interacted with newly sober people and so my own experience of what that was like is always with me. It keeps me fresh in sobriety. I took steps to deal with the baggage I carried and made peace with my past so I can make good use of the bad old days today.

What PJ54 said was true for me. I felt dead in spirit, lost and frightened all at the same time, emotionally immature.

I needed a lot of help first of all to get an honest picture of my behaviour "under the influence" and who I could be in sobriety. I had debts to pay, reparation to make and much personal/spiritual growth was required if I wanted to stay sober long term, be happy about life, be free of the urge to drink and be free of the negativity of the past.
Hard going for a while but so worth it.

This is what going through the process of the 12 Steps gave me and I began to realise that stopping drinking was not enough.

I can relate to this post as well. Although I have kept my job, gained an education, I still have lost close ones and ruined relationships due to my drinking. I have been able to function with my alcoholism to a certain extent. Now that you are feeling yourself walk out the fog, try small goals to get you to where you are feeling that you are accomplishing something. Great job!