I drove drunk and my girlfriend kicked me out. It was definitely my moment of clarity and I haven't had a drink since.
She kept our relationship open, though - as long as I was serious about getting and staying sober and she could see that I was.
However, I've never been mean or violent to her. She was in a very abusive relationship in the past and her ex almost killed her. He lacerated her spleen and kidney and didn't take her to the hospital until she was minutes from death because of internal bleeding. She had to have a major blood transfusion to survive. Abuse gets progressively worse.
It's your decision, but when abuse starts, I think that would be the time to call it quits. Whatever you decide, I suggest you at least keep your distance until he gets sober and stays that way - for your own safety.

By the way, don't believe anything he says unless you can see his actions backing it up.

Hello patchedup,

Sorry to hear that you are in this difficult position. You dont know the right thing to do and that is natural as nobody learns this stuff at school. Therefore, you would be well advised to talk with other people who have dealt with the same problem as you can learn from their experience and avoid making some of the common mistakes.

There are two types of support that may be of interest to you. Al-Anon meetings in your area will give you a chance to talk face to face with people who share your problem. As I understand it, Al-Anon meetings may be a bit similar to AA, with some very useful meetings and others that leave much to be desired. You wont know until you check them out.

Another option you have is to post here on the DS forums that are for the families of alcoholics. Unfortunately, I cannot find the link to those forums right now but I am sure that one of the CLs or someone else will post it for you.

Personally, I think that you are absolutely, one hundred percent right in what you have done and I would urge you to remain true to your own gut feeling. Whatever justification there may be for other behaviour, there can be no justification for violence or even the threat of violence. Taking action now can protect you from potentially serious danger in future. You can still keep the lines of communication open with your husband and continue to support him. However, you need to be careful not to enable him. You cannot fix your husbands problem but you can learn to detach with love.

The only way I decided to quit was when the pain of drinking was too great to go on
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Let him hit the bottom and there is a slim chance he will seek help. Keep making him comfortable and no chance.

Sadly, jail, institutions or death await the alcoholic that won't get help. Sometimes, the most loving thing we can do for another is let them hit their bottom in the hope and the prayer that they wake up, have their moment of clarity, and seek help. Part of the disease is controlling those around us and our environment, and as the disease progresses, we have less and less ability to control either. Never allow yourself to be an ENABLER -- the person that takes care of things for the alcoholic/addict that enables them to continue their drug of choice -- few realize that is what they are doing. I'm all for giving chances, but if the person doesn't do what they say they are going to do, I won't waste my time no matter how much I love them. I had to banish our hard core drug addict son from our house forever when he wanted to fight me -- he was gone and out of communication for a full year, but when he came back to visit, he was serious about stopping his drugs and he did. God bless and comfort both you and your husband ~~~ Scottie

Your situation is a bit fluid at the moment. You're dealing with the reality of having him gone, he's dealing with some of the consequences of his drinking and there's the big question mark of what he's going to do about his alcoholism.

You've worried about him long enough -- now it's time to worry about yourself. Do whatever is necessary to feel your best -- socializing with friends, meditation, journaling, activities, seeking counseling. No big decisions are required on your part at this time. Just focus on yourself and gather more information about what your partner plans to do with his life. Hang in there.

Wow - thanks for everyones insight - i dont know how to reply privately yet so i will post openly my thoughts to all these replies - i need to be clear to state my husband did not get violent w me personally, but was very violent w others when he drank, ...his drinking, however, was escalating to murder and putting me in murderous situations/environments. It was at this point i knew i had to get out!
Scottito sumed it up perfectly - i knew it was going to take him either going to jail, murdering someone, or getting murdered before he would change. - and im trying to find the balance between being the enabler and the wife at the point of the relationship when i know he is not getting help, and now that im not around does not have access to many people or resources to help him get better even if he wanted to.

I feel like i should be doing all the work to help him find his way- i know thats crazy! Thats he enabler side of me. But if i leave him completly alone i wonder if he thingks i have abandoned him and starts looking for a new women. - the craziest thing in all of this is mu heart still pulls for him, and i try worry to much cause really i have a daughter that has been diagnosed a 2nd time w cancer...so i tell myself...oh dont even think!!!! On him....but in true honest...i still worry.

Hi patched. I am a recovered alcoholic AND am in Al-Anon. When living with an alcoholic, everybody walks on eggshells, especially the poor, long suffering wife. God only knows how it is effecting the kids.

In AA's basic text it says "years of living with an alcoholic would make any family neurotic". So true. That's why Al-Anon was created. You see, alcoholism is a family disease. Everyone's life is centered around the alcoholic. People who attend Al-Anon have been through what you are going through. What caught my eye was how peaceful the room was. Sort of the opposite of AA which is loud before the meeting and after. Like a bar, oddly enough, lol.

I hope you find peace at whatever you decide.