Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
Ok DS friends, I need your help again! I have been battling my husbands alcoholism since the commencement of our relationship 6 years ago. Ive posted before and said that although he is not a bad drunk nor does he drink everyday, to me according to his life circumstances ( a bad liver, 2 terms in prison for DUI) he is for sure an alcoholic. Well, I married him knowing all these things because I love him and I thought that once we got married things would somewhat change. Well, they did somewhat change. Hes back in school and doing well, going to his AA meetings and complying with all his parole requirements. He's awesome at home as far as helping me with the house and kids, and I cant say enough about how amazing he is with me as far as giving me attention at love. Ok, so whats the problem? Well, I keep finding his bottles at least every two weeks. Of course I dump them and we get into a huge argument. The arguments usually last a few days and we move on. Well this weekend I went out of town for work and of course he got completely wasted. I was so angry when I got back and Im still upset. Hes admitted that he made a mistake but tells me that I am over exaggerating and that I just want to control him. He tells me that I think im always right and that my way of living does not necessarily make it right for everyone. In essence that I am forcing him to live a life that he doesnt want to live. He says that he has done 99% change since marrying me and that nothing satisfies me, that I expect him to be perfect by giving up the one thing he enjoys, drinking! He says that his drinking does not interfere with him doing what he needs to do so therefore he has no problem. Of course he fails to recognize the past and what alcohol has contributed to! Anyway, I guess Im asking if Im being unreasonable here? Am I being controlling and hard to satisfy? Should I be content with what he has achieved to this date? Should I continue to push for sobriety at the sake of losing my marriage? Please help!! We are sinking very quick!!
Greg
I'm not trying to say that his drinking is your fault, nor am I saying that you don't have a legitimate complaint, I don't know if you do or not, I don't know enough about your situation with him. Just wanted to share my experience cuz I know firsthand that the family and friends can get delusional to, not just the alcoholics. No one involved with/touched by this disease is 100% healthy. Like steevo said, that's why we have al-anon (if it comes to that, ya know). I'd like to suggest the possibility that he's lucky enough to not be a true alcoholic (I'm basing this possibility on the details given in your post) and just had some issues in the past that he had to work through.
Best of wishes... I hope it all works out
All the love and so called support from my husband could not sober me up. When my drinking was mentioned, I just drank more.
Go to Al-Anon and work on your own issues. It's always been a head scratcher to me why any normal person would marry an active alcoholic. The answer I always come up with is that no normal person would. There's a life free of the stress and strife of trying to control your husband out there. You'll find that life through the family support group Al-Anon.
God does put very loving people into our lives. Sometimes (in my case), these people stay. I tried to run him off but he kept loving me anyway. We've had ups and downs through the years but after 33 yrs we're the best ever and it feels pretty damn good. I owe that to AA and Al-Anon(my husband's program).
You will be finding the bottles until your husband actually wants to stop drinking. At the moment, he is trying to stop because you are pressurising him to do so and that usually does not work with an alcoholic. As the others have suggested, go to Al-Anon and learn to look after yourself. You may also find out how other people have dealt with a similar problem.
You will lose your marriage either way-he is just bullying you to leave him alone. Get ready for hell if you stay quiet about this, and his opposition if you put up boundaries and say "no MORE."
Al-anon-yup.