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I use to think I had let go of all of my guilt but sometimes something happens, I do something or hear something and the past comes back to haunt me again and there is the guilt all over again.
I remember as a kid growing up, My alcoholic dad would always shove a drink in my mom's face, even if she didn't want it. It's true, a drunk doesn't like to drink alone. Eventually, my mother became an alcoholic herself and died from sirosis at the age of 52. I was 21 at the time. I always blamed my dad for that.
I always thought I wanted no part of alcohol because I saw what it did to my parents and I wanted no part of it. But 20 years later I became addicted to narcotics. My habit got so bad that I had to sell narcotics so I could keep my own habit going. I helped ruined some lives by doing so. That guilt stayed with me for a long time.
Then when I couldn't get narcotics anymore, I became an alcoholic. I just forgot where I am going with this. Thats what happens when you get old. Anyway, I have been drug free for 4 years and sober for nearly 3 years. I just wish I could get rid of this guilt.
Thankyou for reading this.
I remember as a kid growing up, My alcoholic dad would always shove a drink in my mom's face, even if she didn't want it. It's true, a drunk doesn't like to drink alone. Eventually, my mother became an alcoholic herself and died from sirosis at the age of 52. I was 21 at the time. I always blamed my dad for that.
I always thought I wanted no part of alcohol because I saw what it did to my parents and I wanted no part of it. But 20 years later I became addicted to narcotics. My habit got so bad that I had to sell narcotics so I could keep my own habit going. I helped ruined some lives by doing so. That guilt stayed with me for a long time.
Then when I couldn't get narcotics anymore, I became an alcoholic. I just forgot where I am going with this. Thats what happens when you get old. Anyway, I have been drug free for 4 years and sober for nearly 3 years. I just wish I could get rid of this guilt.
Thankyou for reading this.
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
Once I did my 4th step and shared that with my sponsor, made the amends needed to be made, the weight was lifted.
The steps work well for me. Very well.
Hugs to you, my friend.
~Chris
Billy
I think I have developed a good relationship with my higher power and when I encounter this stuff I pray. As is said, we do not want to forget the past and we can utilize it to make us better individuals.
Forgive yourself. God has ALREADY forgiven you. Give yourself a break. You've stopped doing the dirty deed - now take the guilt and bury it in the back yard! lol Get rid of it - it doesn't belong to you. If you can make amends, do it - but I doubt you'll be able to.
Enuf of the blame game. Take it a day at a time, and stay sober. Hugs, lee
There may be other ways of getting rid of that guilt but all I can tell you is what worked for me.
After doing a Step 4 as honestly as I could, I did not have a huge list of things written down but there was still some important stuff. I went through it with my sponsor and there were two objectives, as I now understand it. The first thing was to get rid of those resentments, fears etc. and to wipe the list clean. What I now know is that the second objective was even more important, and that was to understand the process of using Step 4. I had to learn to acknowledge that all those nasty people who made me mad as hell were not the only ones to blame sssshhhh... part of it was my fault.
Step 4 is about what it is within ourselves that causes the problem. Are there any flaws in my character that cause me to react wrongly to something that you may say or do? What are these character defects? Then, in Step 5 it is just about discussing these things a bit more. Problem is, they put in those words fearless and moral and both nearly caused me a lot of trouble.
The moral part is just about being truthful, and fearless is part of the same package. To get rid of the guilt, I have to put everything on the table in Step 5. If there is a secret that you want to take to the grave and you strike it off the list, you have not done Step 5. Then, having recognised that I have some character flaws or defects that lead to wrong thinking, I become willing to let go of those things, and humbly ask God or Higher Power to remove them.
Having looked inwardly at ourselves in Steps 4 to 7, it is then suggested that we should look at our relationship with other people and the world around us. That is done in Steps 8 and 9, where amends are made for past wrongs. Once that is done, we can draw a line under the past. In my case, I believe that God has forgiven me for anything that I have done. If God forgives me, and I am not prepared to forgive myself by holding on to guilt, then what I am saying is that I am bigger than God.
I may do all of that and then some day I remember some other dark secret from the past. There are two ways of dealing with that: Firstly, by doing Step 10 every day, all of those things should be caught in the net and dealt with immediately. If the matter is of a serious nature, then I need to go and do another Step 5. Talk it over with God, with myself and with another human being. Guilt ends
Bob,
You have hit the nail on the head in what you have just stated. It is not about what your wife says or does, or about something that I or someone else might say to annoy you. Instead, it is about how you react. It makes no difference who is right or who is wrong.
I will give you an example of how it works. Lets say that you say something to me today that I dont like, maybe something trivial. You will go away and forget all about it because it was not that important anyway. I wont forget it but will start playing it over and over in my head. I might say to myself that maybe it was mostly my own fault, but part of it was your fault. I keep playing the tape in my head and later on tonight the message will have changed a little. Now, maybe a little bit of it was my fault, but you are mostly to blame. I would not be feeling lousy if you had not said those things to me. Later on in bed at night and not sleeping, I will play the tape in my head again. Now, the message is something like this: Why did he say those things to me? And I did nothing wrong and I said nothing? Ill sort him out next time we meet. So, it starts off as something trivial that you have reacted normally to and have forgotten about. I recognise that I played some part in the problem, but now some time later, in my mind it is all your fault and I did nothing wrong.
Now, I am carrying a big resentment against you for some real or imagined hurt. Trouble is, I cant change you to make you a better person who will live up to my expectations. The only one that I can change is me. By carrying around resentments, I am letting people live rent-free inside my head. What Step 4 tells me is that it is something within me that has caused the problem. I would not have reacted wrongly to what you had said if it was not for something within my character.
We all have three God given instincts that help us to survive. They are the Social Instinct, the Security Instinct and the Sex Instinct, and these put together make up our Ambitions. I would not have developed a resentment against you unless I had been hurt by what you said, under one of those headings. We have established that I cant solve the problem by changing you, so I must look at changing myself. What was it within me that caused me to react in a certain way to what you had said? Was I Selfish; was I Dishonest; was I Self-Seeking and Afraid; was I Inconsiderate - you can add plenty more to the list?
Once I recognise that the hurt that I am feeling was caused by something within myself, I can start to change that thing. First, I must get to the exact nature of the problem. I talk it over with God because He has a pretty good view of the whole picture. Then, I talk it over with myself, being as truthful and honest as possible. However, there will be some things that are wrong about myself that I wont see or wont want to see; that is why I must talk it over with another human being.
Once I recognise these character defects or faults, I can decide to let go of them. However, just as I often made a decision to stop drinking, I am likely to fail, unless I ask for the help of a Higher Power. Once I do that, those things start to leave, some immediately and some others may take a long time.
Some things, my wife will never let me forget. She said she has forgiven me for those times but always brings up the bad that use to be me.
Now, perhaps you can see that it is not what your wife will not let you forget that is so important, but how you react to what she says and does. Like I said, it is only by dealing with these issues that the guilt will go away.