and when i say "ones" i mean me... i have everything... a loving wife, three young daughters, an okay job a roof over my head, yet i always piss on it with my drinking. I did AA but f'd that up too and thought I was doing good doing it on my own and here I am... broken as usual

from my experience, I was always looking for and finding "proof" that I wasn't an alcoholic and could control my drinking behaviour. Examples of such proof- I had a job, I could still get laid once in a while by girls who weren't too awfull looking, had at least a couple bucks in my wallet, and was putting money in a 401k! Investing for my retirement! No true alcoholics do THAT! Right? And if I could drink only once or twice a week and use perscription and over the counter meds to knock myself out before I could get too drunk, that was even better proof! For me, this "proof" was especially dangerous, because 29 out of 30 times, I actually could drink and nothing terrible or extremely embarrassing happened as a result. When ya "win" (not that I was actually further ahead by drinking, but in my mind, it was a "win" if I drank an evening and didn't get arrested, didn't lose any friends, etc) 29 out of 30, it's easy to think you're ontop of something... Eventually however, I could no longer deny that even 1 LOSS out of 30 was more than I could afford, and gave up. I'll have two years of sobriety on December 1. Best of wishes to you, sir.

Not sure if we can answer that. Why do you think you do it?

If you happen to be one of us, one day you will understand that there is something up in you (alcoholism) that's only job is to destroy you, it don't care nothing about yer kids, job,,etc.
Usually it always wins.
IN my heart I would say it always whoops an alcoholics ass, but we always have some sensitive people around here.
I will also tell ya I have lost millions to the disease of alcoholism. straight.

I think its really a matter of perspective. Lose is lose either way. I heard a bottom (stopping drinking and staying stopped) is like a elevator ride get off on the 2nd floor, rather than riding it into the ground:) I had a high bottom my chin was on the curb Ha!!
Billy

loss ...........^^^^^^--___--

Alcoholism doesn't care how much is in your wallet, what your address it, what is parked in the driveway or what degrees you have (or don't have).

I had the same things - great wife, wonderful son, house paid off, car, etc. And I lost it all for about 6 months as I went through detox, treatment, etc. Even with all that, I still saw the insides of many hospitals and holding cells.

For me, it's because I am an alcoholic. I have the physical reaction to alcohol that once it is in me, I need more. And more. And then more. I have the mental obsession, that drives me to rationalize and minimize and scheme and plan and sort the ways I can get my medicine. It doesn't matter what I have, alcohol will find a way to take it. That is why I can't drink.

And so I was in your position. Many of us are or were as well. So it is not a moral failing or a sense of not giving a crap. We do care. In fact, all alcoholics care too much - we're sensitive people. So while you have all this stuff and your wonderful family, it can go...

The perfect thing about AA is that you don't have to be perfect. You said you failed. Try it again - get a sponsor, work the steps, do service, go to meetings, help the new guy.

I have done the work, continue to do the work, and today I have back all those things I lost, plus a lot more. My life has been transformed and I don't have to look in the mirror every morning and call myself a piece of crap anymore.

Good luck

Get a grip and go back to AA - you can only f**k it up if you leave!

I remember at once stage behaving like an arse, or thinking that I was behaving like an arse in AA just sos I could say "see, I f*cked that up as well, now I can't go back".

I think I was scared by the fact there really did seem to be an answer. That didn't suit my way of looking at the world.

So go back, and keep going

P