Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I have this theory about how we fit together with our friends and family that I often use with my sponsees and thought i might share it here. Using family as an example but it works for any relationships dynamic.
Each of the members of my family is like a jigsaw piece and somehow we all fit together to make a complete family jigsaw. We might be a functional family or a dysfunctional one but whatever the circumstances we have all got our roles and places and we have all learned to act and react and fit together in a certain way.
When I get into recovery, I start to change and my jigsaw piece starts to change shape. I no longer quite fit into the hole I occupied before. My edges rub up against the other members of my family, I dont behave as I did before. I dont fit properly into the family jigsaw. Things are not as perfect as everyone thought they would be when I have stopped drinking. There is friction as my family members expect me to fit in the space like I did before but I can't.
Gradually over time I continue to change shape. My jigsaw piece continues to rub against the other pieces. They start to wear down and very gradually they change shape in response and my piece starts to fit again. My family are starting recognise and accomodate the new me. Eventually the space for me has changed and the jigsaw fits together again.
Maybe in some families the jigsaw is made of soft wood and this process happens quickly. Or maybe they are made of hard wood and however much we change shape the other pieces dont get worn down to allow us to fit and we have to conclude we can not be part of the family jigsaw any more.
Whatever the case the process takes time. I hear so many people share that they and their family members thought things would be just fine when they stopped drinking and that turns out not to be the case. It takes time and patience as we all change shape to fit together in a new way.
Each of the members of my family is like a jigsaw piece and somehow we all fit together to make a complete family jigsaw. We might be a functional family or a dysfunctional one but whatever the circumstances we have all got our roles and places and we have all learned to act and react and fit together in a certain way.
When I get into recovery, I start to change and my jigsaw piece starts to change shape. I no longer quite fit into the hole I occupied before. My edges rub up against the other members of my family, I dont behave as I did before. I dont fit properly into the family jigsaw. Things are not as perfect as everyone thought they would be when I have stopped drinking. There is friction as my family members expect me to fit in the space like I did before but I can't.
Gradually over time I continue to change shape. My jigsaw piece continues to rub against the other pieces. They start to wear down and very gradually they change shape in response and my piece starts to fit again. My family are starting recognise and accomodate the new me. Eventually the space for me has changed and the jigsaw fits together again.
Maybe in some families the jigsaw is made of soft wood and this process happens quickly. Or maybe they are made of hard wood and however much we change shape the other pieces dont get worn down to allow us to fit and we have to conclude we can not be part of the family jigsaw any more.
Whatever the case the process takes time. I hear so many people share that they and their family members thought things would be just fine when they stopped drinking and that turns out not to be the case. It takes time and patience as we all change shape to fit together in a new way.
I have my sister back in my life and she has not been part of it for over 15 years. However, the jigsaw always felt incomplete without her.
Now, the piece is there yet doesn't fit as we need to learn and grow with who we are now (and not who we were). This in turn is coursing other bits that did fit (my mum and dad) to rub a bit so.....lots going on in my puzzle.
The great thing...will willingness, openness and honest, it is working.
Thanks Nicky for taking the time to post this, I SO relate.
nice post,
Billy