Hey Hati sounds like a rough week...it'll pass as they say but what helped me even more was talking things through with people as they came up...the meeting after the meeting as they say...

Tough call with your sponsor...could you just ask for some instructions and a guiding hand by phone?

P

Hello hati,

It is good to see you posting again and despite the problems you have been having you have made great progress from where you were a few months ago. Give yourself credit for what you have achieved and for staying sober, even when things are not going according to plan.

Regarding the relationship with your sponsor, I can see it from both sides. I have personally have had to postpone meeting sponsees for various reasons and even though I dont like doing it I also have to attend to other responsibilities. There is a delicate balance between trying to give it the necessary time on the one hand and refusing to sponsor someone who desperately wants it on the other hand.

Only you can decide if your sponsor is right for you but from what you have written, I would have some concerns. Cancelling four times and not having met yet is not good. Reading and writing the first three steps at home is not ideal either as you need to have your sponsor there with you when you go through those steps. Doing a chair can be a positive experience because it gets you out of your comfort zone and encourages change. However, you should not be pressurised into doing anything in AA and if you feel that you are not yet ready for it, do not be afraid to refuse. Learning to say no to things that you dont want to do while still pushing yourself to undergo change is all a part of getting the balance right in your life.

My own opinion for what its worth is that you should postpone Step 4 until you have a good understanding of the first three steps. There is nothing in the Steps that is surplus to requirements and the sequence is very important. You carry information from one step into the next one and that makes the whole process much easier as well as increasing your chances of success. For instance, the decision that you make in Step 3 to rely on God to guide your thoughts and actions (will and life) will ensure that you dont have to walk alone through parts that might otherwise have been difficult.

The difficult situations that you have been dealing with recently are going to give you a good opportunity to learn a new way of living your life when you finally do get to Step 4. It is not easy to accept that bad things are happening to people who are close to us but sad as it may be it is all part of life and Gods will. I had to smile when you mentioned the bit about your daughter because I have been listening to a very similar story from an AA friend who is in a similar place with her family. She has had to part with her sponsor and has had only a brief acquaintance with the Steps, which has helped up to a point. However, she still wants to change other people, which is what comes naturally to most people, rather than changing how she reacts to what those people do. Therefore, where your daughter is concerned I would suggest biting your tongue for a little while longer and when you finally get to Step 4, you will be amazed that there is a great way to handle such people.

Take a look at the link below as it has been helpful to many:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pVBDQPC2XQ

So sorry to hear about your struggles. BUT you are sober! You didnt drink over them and you don't have to -- ever -- a day at a time.
On sponsorship, I've had two in AA -- both wonderful. My first sponsor took me through the steps quickly as she said that's the way they are proposed in the book. I switched sponsors after almost three yrs when she got really into another program (wonderful for her btw) and wasnt available or engaged in AA. I was told to look at this as life and death and I do. So I did, and I moved onto a sponsor who I also adore, and who is available bi weekly to meet. She's never cancelled on me. Once would be OK, two times I'd be concerned but 4x when you are looking to do a 5th step? I'd talk to her very directly about it. If she's not the right sponsor get another. Its not about her its about protecting and honoring your sobriety.
Just my opinion.

I am sorry about your parents. Right now, the best thing you can do for mom and dad, and for yourself is to stay sober. You may want to share your concerns at a meeting or find another sponser. You can have more then one sponser. I have two and I like them both but for different reasons.

You need the support of meetings at this point in time. Go to as many as you can. IMHO

God Bless and we will keep you and your parents in our thoughts and prayers.

Thankyou everyone as always some great advice. To add to it all I've been up with my 10 year old half the night with a sickness bug. But all I could think was thank god I didnt drink to solve my problems.

You are dealing with so much. It is admirable that you are staying sober.

If I were your sponsor I'd feel the depth and intensity of some of the things you are going through are a bit above my pay grade. Sure I can listen, offer some advice, and support, but the 4th step may only take you so far in dealing with taking care of a parent with dementia, another with cancer, family issues with your daughter, and raising young children. Perhaps, sharing these things with a professional family counselor and taking things from there might be helpful. May be you are already doing this.

Sponsors can be like diapers when something don't smell right, they need to be changed...Trust your instincts and your BS sniffer...

Hi Hati! What I learned a long time ago was that when it came to my recovery, I was the one, to whom it was up, to make changes when necessary. When something is a struggle, it's my will. When it comes easily, it's God's will. Avail yourself to all the women in recovery and continue the momentum. Your last sentence says it all!

Hugs,

Dianna

Finding a new sponsor would be a very helpful tool. You need the support as you have a lot going on right now. do what is best for you. Good luck Judy

Hello Hati! First off, good for you, for staying the course. I remember my first three months as being some of the hardest times too- some of which were problems I created, and others just coming at the wrong time.

The fact that you've maintained your sobriety through such difficulties means you can and will be able to do so when life calms down. May that happen soon!

As far as your sponsor goes, it isn't adoption, it is sponsorship. If this one isn't working for you, tell her and move along to another that will work for you. It has been made clear to me that if a sponsor isn't working for me or vice-versa, make a change.

Peace to you.
Peg

it sounds like a lot is going on.. You are doing it sober and that's something to be proud of. Keep going!!!
1-2

When my sponsor was not right for me I changed sponsors. No big deal. I'm still friendly with the person who first sponsored me. My new found sobriety was the first time of really experiencing ups and downs of life ( instead of drowning them out with alcohol or drugs ). Now it's easier to talk about challenges in life with others and move on.

Hello Hati,
Sounds as if you are doing a great job. Focus on yourself and the positive needs required for your well being. I am proud of you. Judy

Sorry about the tumultuous family situation. What you can do is work on you, and focus on your recovery and stability.
DEFINITELY get a new sponsor. Like yesterday. One who has been through all 12 steps.