The last two days I have not gotten up and gone to a meeting.  I have a meeting five minutes away from my house and another meeting 15 minutes away from my house that I can go to.  Both meetings have strong sobriety there with a decent message being carried.  I was able to tell myself it was no big deal if I didn't go to the meetings those two days.  In hindsight, was it that big of a deal that I didn't go?  Not really, work went fine, and I was able to use principles there, that I learned at AA, to make the experience better most of the time, and I made an income that was needed to not be a problem for people I owe money to.  What did I do in place of the hour and a half I could have been spending for AA?   I can't really remember, but I do not think I spent it building character or spirituality, honestly I spent it being a DJ, in my home, acting like I was playing songs at people, who were ignorant of how "great" the "me" was, with them obviously unaware of that.  

One thing I know about sobriety and one thing my sponsor was very great at relaying to me was a need to become more spiritual and how AA can be an excellent instrument in that.  Music does make me extremely spiritual, so I wasn't completely in the wrong staying home enjoying it, thinking I didn't need AA the last two days, but when I go to the meetings, I do get spiritual, and it's a spirituality dictated by God, which might include the pain of this share or that share being heard, but nevertheless, I've never gone to meetings or invested time in AA in where I didn't someway and somehow grow spiritually. 

Work, School, People, and it's "Non-Alcoholism", is any of it affecting my desire to not drink, directly caused by Alcoholism?  Well, ever since I learned that I am a very ignorant person in that portion of my life, and that there is an education out there that AA and other sources of sobriety have taught me, work, school, and people, all of the non-alcoholic variety, should not affect my desire not to drink, and in the several years of sobriety I have, have not.  However, the anger I have experienced, experiencing their own ignorance, could affect my desire to not drink.  Recently ignorance of others had me considering taking the law into my own hands and inconsiderate of the law, and how they have to protect society.  It wasn't a person thing against the law, I have no problem with protectors or people who need to enforce things, but it definitely was a personal thing from me against people who didn't know how unspiritual I can become.  During it all, I probably made a few enemies I am not even close to really considering as problems, due to that effortless ability to be unspiritual at any moment really, but I honestly thought I was doing the right things at all times, so that, concerns me, when I ask myself, does anything I do, affect a desire to drink?  Me being that unaware of my own ability to create an enemy, overnight, is troubling to me, and if it is troubling to me, then there is some influence of selfishness there on my part I need to ask God to remove or manipulate in a good way so it serves others and him more perfectly. 

Work is very simple, how helpful was I and am I going forward every day?  I can always be more helpful, and when I have that attitude I tend to never be tempted to drink, which has been the case for several years now, so nothing I do work wise is an affect of a desire to not drink.  I can say that confidently.  School is a big cluster, and I won't get into the details, but I have noticed that when the non-school parts of school get in the way of the education portion of school, I begin to resent, and resent hard.  Any resentment will affect not drinking, in a negative way, so yes I have to admit, any thought of school, affects my desire to not drink.  Ironically, at school, is where I've been the most fucked up in my life, and I wouldn't be surprised if God came up with a gauge for me of the most days fucked up, and them being days when I had school and went, being in the majority.  I know now that was inappropriate, and in sobriety I've never went to school drunk or high on drugs, but I still experienced the same frustration, because of the institution, and it's operating practices, so school being in my life, still, even though, man to man, I should have a degree, I've put in that much time with that bullshit, can affect my desire to get drunk. 

People.  Kind of like going to school impaired, interacting with people, impaired, is inappropriate, if I am doing it daily, like I used to do on alcohol and drugs.  I do not do that at all daily, so I can say confidently, people, aren't affecting my desire to not drink.  I really enjoy people more than my self, I'd rather focus on them, than on me, and that is why AA was so difficult at first, because I kind of felt guilty focusing on me so much.  People who think they are powerful, with material proof to state an argument, can make me numb with indifference to their bullshit though.  With indifference comes a thought process of "what if I made their lives a living hell and made their materials less valuable though?"  On the other hand though, people who think they are worthless and nothing, also can make me not care, and create a perception of them as if they were the bubonic plague, just a bunch of diseased fleas waiting to infect anything that makes dollars or sense.

Both interpretations of who both of those classes are, are wrong, and I am affecting my own desires to not drink or do drugs, by having or holding on to those opinions of people.  Yesterday I had the pleasure of seeing I need to not be so judgmental, and that made me laugh more, in a healthy way, while I was at work, because I saw value in those I had been, really seeing as problems for me.  The idea that God loves all, and not just me, really has taken a strong hold on my mind lately, and I feel it proper discipline from the heavens.  However it's manifested itself by some others feeling a bit more confident to be superior around me, and that is going to make me go Cobra again, but it is what it is. 

Is being a silent spiritual animal of poison for others if they want it, and if they don't leave me alone, the most constructive way to go forward if my interest in not drinking one day at a time?  Well first off, a snake is not an animal, and spirit animals, or animism I think it is called, is an ancient out dated and ridiculous concept, but as for poison and toxicity, I do believe, less is more, when you've got alcoholism. 

I have heard the term "sex and checks" and how it makes people relapse all the time.  This is a difficult answer, in if either of them are affecting my desire to not drink.  I think both of these factors are huge in people early in sobriety.  I was blessed with sort of an order from my sponsor to take five years to commit to being sex-less, and I did, except for sex with myself and sexual material produced for sexual interest outside of actual sex, so I never had to deal with the emotional components of others, when sex, is the desire.  I found that sexual desire and desire for alcohol, can go hand in hand, like two peas in a pod, and I do believe AA when it says, if sex becomes a problem, helping others, how God sees fit they recieve the help, helps.  God's help, might be different from the law's help, so I think it is important to maintain a faith in God, when doing this, because some of them need help in ways the law, just might not be able to supply. 

Checks or "money" and how I relate to it, does it affect my desire to not drink?  If I have done what I need to do to earn the money I can earn, and something gets in the way of that, yes it does definitely affect my desire to not drink.  It affects my desire to even have desire.  What is desire if someone is disrespecting your drive to produce, and provide?  Desire is for boys and girls, when boiled down, and if it gets in the way, of needs, then it's obviously war, and we can see who needs it most.  What does a person do if they truly believe God, wants them to need it the most?  Well, if one is an alcoholic, I think that one who thinks the way I just described needs to go back to the Doctor's Opinion and see what the good doctor is saying about their allergy to alcohol, that just might be the saving grace for those two ignorant to know, some people are willing to die over getting their needs or not.  Alcoholics really only need God, so if I'm an alcoholic thinking I need money, over God, I'm wrong, and I'm wrong a lot, been born that way, so I don't know, but I do know, the second part of the first step tells me I am unmanagable, unless it is God, so it's not wonder I am selfish with money, and sex, and life, because, inherently, I know no better.  Does not knowing affect my desire to not drink?  Everyday. 

So, do I need to treat my alcoholism everyday, yes.  Do I need to tell everybody and be a voice for it, no I don't, and it's not even that big of a deal, I spent on hour on this today, and I've got 23 more hours left to do whatever non-treatment of alcoholism things, I can do with my own human powers, led by God.   I will say I have lots of trouble when I project out of the 24 hours a day I am given by God, when I wake up in the morning.  I think going forward, that is my greatest concern, of how my mind likes to create long term plans, but my spirit insists that I only focus on the 24 hours ahead.  I know for sure though, God is not concerned about it at all, and that is very encouraging and makes me very powerful.