I had to get that off my chest. If my boyfriend found out or my kids they'd be disappointed for sure. But I had to admit it to someone other than myself and God.

Welcome campstyles...I'm sorry you are feeling terrible :(.

I'm sorry you are back in the vicious cycle.

I too have the experience of not being able to stop. I had 8 years :(....and THOUGHT I could drink too...wanted to ease some stress - just once right?

Yea...not a good choice. And it only makes it worse - the cravings continue...you know how it goes....we trick ourselves into believing that ok...I managed to not "spiral"....I have stress again or whatever...so I will just not "spiral" - sounds simple and I KNOW from experience it is not.

I'm glad for you that you found this page.

There are a lot of helpful, caring, sober and non sober people here to talk to.

You did it for 7 months...you know you can do it....compassion and prayers to you....keep coming.

Glad you came clean and told us -- hoping you can stop feeling horrible about yourself. It was a mistake and you learned something from it. Drinking does not work for you. It adds no value, just guilt and bad feelings. You are not deprived because you don't drink. You aren't missing out!

Now take some deep breaths and figure out what you need to do to stay sober.

my boyfriend agrees with ExJersey that alcohol is not working for you.

He says you have to ask yourself what environment you were in....or what mindset you might have been in that made you think that you could have a drink?

He believes that because you came to this website the environment and the mindset is leading you to think that you will spiral out of control.

He suggests - If it is riding by a liquor store, change the direction. If it is a friends house..stay away from that friend or ask your b/f to go with you to the friends.

He says - seek to help other people and not to falter.

what did you do while clean? AA? other program? Therapy?
I personally found my alcoholic mind would take me back to rationalizing that first drink -- before I had the program and principals I learned in AA. its not easy, but its workable, and each day brings great joy even if for a moment. not something I had when drinking.
Anyway, don't beat the crap out of yourself. do something about it.
Either go back to AA, go try AA, or try something else.
Get help as its out there and you don't ever have to drink again a day at a time.

@Missy2- Instead of posting what your BF believes, maybe he should just join DS and post for himself... To know you are sharing our content with your BF and then reporting back to us is just... creepy.

@Campstyles- so now you really know... just don't do it again. : )

@deli....my boyfriend DOES have an account but he can't remember his password right now...it was important for him to want to respond to this post.

You finding it creepy is YOUR problem (he wanted to help). .....He is asking why you think it is creepy?

.Why don't you try and keep your responses to the original posters problem.

And not respond to other peoples replies to the original poster..

Its rude to the original poster....you had more to say to me than to her.

MYOB.....:) If you want to say stuff to me....my PM message tab is open

@campstyles....sorry about that...let your post continue now....:)

Then I suggest HE contact DS to get a new password. I don't think I'm the only one who feels a little violated by you being his go-between.

And I don't think you are a moderator, so my word count should not be of YOUR business.

I apologize, Campstyles, if I diverted any of your post. Sobriety is a process... 4 weeks out of 7 months is better than what you were doing before, right? Just keep working at it.

Hugs.

UGHHH...I don't think your a moderator either..and shouldn't be monitoring my posts...if the original poster is offended by me stating my boyfriend had a question...and it creeps THEM out it is their business to tell me.

This is an open web page...and I can tell my son, mother, brother, sister, etc....to come read anything they want, no secrets are here....Just stop....please.

@camp..I didn't realize that my boyfriends concern would creep anyone out.....and I apologize if it did creep you out. Probably not a best practice but he and I discuss things and like helping others....again..sorry to hijack your post...I DO feel really bad about her and I going back and fourth.

I hope you get some more replies from other people here.
Hang in there...

Missy, what is your bf's DS name? I look forward to seeing him here participating work us.

...campstyles:
...if u learned from this, then it is ok.
...do not keep putting your hand in the fire, would make no sence.
...4 times is too much to test the waters.
...if u decide to drink, prepare to feel like this again, lousy.
...by eliminating alcohol from your life, u are not loosing anything.
...u are actually gaining something by quitting.
...if you really thought drinking was ok, u wouldn't feel like this, guilty.
...

I'm so sorry about the relapse. Did you learn anything from it?. A lesson is repeated until it is learned. That 7 months was significant. It shows that you CAN stay sober over a period of time. I'm in your corner. I must say though, from my experience that your kids deserve a sober mother. You seem like an intelligent woman so I'm sure you already know that.:).

Don't give up and don't give in. We are here for you. Oh and BTW, welcome back although I'm sorry for the reason that brought you back.

Hugs,

Dianna

campstyles you still around? I think of you sometimes and wonder how you are doing?

Campstyles:
I know you have been a member on here for a long time and I remember you were doing so well.
I know it hurts when we realize that we've taken a step backwards in the belief that after some time sober, we can somehow magically drink normally.
But my suggestion is to not dwell on it; take what you can from it and move on.
Thinking about what made you decide it was okay to drink is a good idea, so you can add that to your checklist of things to avoid in the future. Just a suggestion.
What's of immediate importance is that you stop now before you do as you foresee, and go in a downward spiral. If you stop, you will get better. If not, you will get worse.
The choice is simple.