Hello latrisha101,

All I can tell you is that, based on my own experience, life is what you make it.

For example, I could look out the window of this room right now and conclude that it is a cold, wet and miserable day that this bad weather has no end in sight. If I got into that way of thinking I could add a long list of other complaints, many of them things that are beyond my control. However, when I look out, what I see is a nice garden that will soon be explosion of colour. There is rain and wind and that is a natural part of the cycle of life. The mature pine tree that snapped in two during a winter storm before Christmas will yield a lot of firewood and I have the good health to be able to cut and split it into logs. There is a gap where the tree was growing and new plants will move in to colonise that niche. My son who has moved to the far side of the world started a new job yesterday and my daughter has shared some good news.

This time eight years ago I was in the depths of despair and could see no way out. Alcohol was in the centre of everything that I did and then it got completely out of control. I could neither live with it nor live without it. Eventually, I walked into an AA meeting, a broken man. It was there that I learned that drinking was only a symptom of the problem. I learned about the things within my own character that were out of balance and a way to put it right.

Therefore, whatever way that you do it, I think that you will find happiness and serenity within yourself rather than from a reliance on external factors. Try to put right those things about yourself that you are not happy with and come to like the person you are. Then you will see the door of opportunity being flung open and a whole new world will appear before your eyes.

For me, knowledge alone was not enough. I needed to have a spiritual aspect to life and AA has shown me how to restore contact with that inner spirit.

I will tell you it gets better. For me I would quit after a real bad bender where I had made a fool of myself and I would just plug the jug. I would white knuckle it for months and eventually drink because the pain of life without booze was worse than the pain of drinking. I had to have booze to cope.

But a few years ago i had to do something else. I was drinking lots and just in a downward spiral. I was suicidal. The pain of not drinking was worse than the pain of drinking and I couldnt drink or I was going to die. I was hopeless.

I remember waking up after that last bender and saying that I was either going to kick the door down and go drink my life away in an apartment or .. go to aa. I looked up a meeting and went. I found a place where I could relate with others like me and learn why and what was going on in my alcoholic mind.

The alcohol was just a symptom of my problem, i can understand this now.

1is2many

Hey latrisha...
I can TOTALLY relate to what you are saying as I have had the same fears. Drinking was a huge part of my social life and I used to look forward to knocking back a few (or more than a few...lol). I only have about 6 weeks sobriety so I'm no expert but what I can say is that I have bit the bullet and gone out with my friends and not drank and I've had more fun than I thought I would - by far:) I have 2 social events this week with gal pals and at first I thought about what a drag it's going to be to be the only one sober. Then I looked at the positive of it and thought what a blessing it will be to be the only one not hungover the next day, the only one who can drive my car home and the only one who will be living fully aware in the moment with the fun. Also, for the get-together Friday night I am forcing one of my girlfriends who doesn't drink to come with me....lol.
Hang in there. Just wanted you to know that you aren't the only one who feels the way you do and it is something that you can work through with time and soul-searching.
HUGS
Jen

Thank you all so much for your replies it mean allot. It helps when you know you are not alone :-)

Super job on your sobriety. I've learned the feeling will pass. Just move forward. Hugs

You are definitely not alone. I thought for a long time that I drank out of being bored. I probably did. That and every other excuse I could use to drink. But then I took inventory of all the things I could do that I might enjoy sober. Even just going for a drive. I couldn't do that before when I was drinking. Now I am never ever bored. In fact the only time I can recall finding myself bored was in Jan. I went to a friends party. EVERYONE was getting trashed and stupid drunk. I was bored.
The next day everyone including my husband had a hangover. The hostess said her hangover lasted for days. I was not hungover mentally or physically. I was able to get up the next day and do the things I loved. Clearheaded and feeling great for not giving in and drinking. They couldn't even remember if they had fun or not.

Thank you all for your support :-) I am going to keep pushing :-) " Love and Hugs to you all"