Step one of AA: admitting you are powerless over alcohol.

I was like you at 28. I was like you at 38.

I could go many times drinking responsibly then I'd become a mess, blackout, embarrass myself, and upset my family and friends.

I could not guarantee with certainty that I could drink responsibly every time I had a drink.

You're fortunate that you have this awakening now.

I never missed work, lost a job, got a DUI, got arrested, crashed a car drunk. But the signs were there.

I thought marriage, a child, a second child, divorce, a second marriage, a second child would slow me down and make me drink responsibly.

I could not. Now I could go out right now and have two beers or two glasses of wine and stop, but there's no guarantee down the road that I will have complete control.

If you are up for AA, you will find a lot of people telling your same story.

Welcome here.

I can so relate with the yo-yo of alcoholism. I could quit for a day , or two weeks, once for two years. But I didn't stay quit until I learned to deal with the reasons why I drank. I drank because I liked the effect alcohol had on me. It made the edges go away and I could cope. Thing was I was drinking more and more and getting less and less in touch with life. I found help in a room of aa I found a way that I can be sober AND happy. It is possible, you should try it out.
I just couldn't do it on my own I had to ask for some help
1is2many

That's exactly how it is. There's been so many times I can drink and I'm fine; but it's like there's one drink that pushes me over the edge and I don't know when to stop. Not to mention other issues from my childhood. Since alcohol is a depressant I think it just makes things worse for me right now.
It's crazy how I can have all these great things in my life and I feel like I will destroy them if I don't stop drinking.

welcome back....we will support the decision to stop....and hopefully help you understand this is a sickness not a bad thing that you are doing....alcoholism I am mentioning....maybe you are or just a hard drinker but if your bottom is reached it is time to stop....and then the fun stuff begins....you find out that friends who drank like drinking more than they do you....so they continue...but good of BF to move all alcohol from house...that is nice support....hugs good luck...try AA?

Yes OE, you very likely could destroy all the good things in your life if you don't stop drinking. It happens to many, many people who never thought it could happen to them. I was headed down that path.

Step one of the method I used: Realizing that you DO have the power within yourself to stop drinking alcohol and that you will only be successful at quitting once you learn and sincerely believe that all alcohol, in any amount, is bad for you and that the high of being intoxicated on alcohol is not worth the low of hangovers and regretful behavior. In my opinion, the power to stop does not reside in any group's program or some abstract "higher" source. It only resides in you. Empower yourself.

Hi overexposure and welcome!

It would appear that you still have a choice whether you drink or not. Alcoholism is a family disease. I wonder how much your daughter has been exposed to your black outs. You don't have to drink if you don't want to. That's the good news. If you discover you can't stop, maybe you'll try an AA meeting. That's what I did.

And again, welcome! Hugs, Dianna

Hello overexposure,

You have come to the right place if you want to find people that you can relate to and you have a great opportunity to shape a bright future.

It is said that people who drink heavily will go on to do one of three things. Some will recognise that drinking is causing too many problems in their lives and they will decide to cut back on it by drinking less or by drinking less often. People who do not have a problem with alcohol will do that without too much difficulty.

Others will decide to quit drinking entirely and they may have a variety of reasons for doing that. For example, they may quit in order to live a more healthy lifestyle, to save money or because of a new relationship. Again, such people will succeed because they are committed and determined.

The third group will continue to party and will not worry about the consequences. Among this set of people, a percentage will undergo a change in the way in which they handle alcohol. Part of this change occurs in the body and part in the mind. The physical part is a change in the way in which the body breaks down alcohol and disposes of it as water, sugar and carbon dioxide. A person who has undergone this change will develop an overwhelming craving for alcohol, once a drink is taken. For these people it is not the sixth, the tenth or the twentieth drink that does the harm but the FIRST drink. Once the first drink is taken the craving is set off and many more drinks will follow. If the first drink is avoided, the craving cannot develop.

Some people get blackouts, have maybe done and said all sorts of embarrassing things while drunk, have maybe crashed the car or got fired from the job because of drinking and the list goes on. Reflecting upon past episodes, it would be crazy for such a person to drink again so what is it that makes them do it? It is said that they have become obsessed with drinking they have a mental obsession for alcohol.

If you are in that third category mentioned above, your only safe option is to quit entirely in other words, avoid that first drink. Only you can decide if you are an alcoholic but the fact that you cannot stop yourself when you drink is a very big red flag. The fact that you can go days without drinking is not at all relevant. I know alcoholics who will go months without drinking but then all hell breaks loose. One very important factor for you to consider is that alcoholism is a progressive condition so it will always get worse with time.

You are certain that abstaining from alcohol is your best bet and that is a good starting point. It may be that your trouble with alcohol is over and that it will never bother you again and I hope that is the case. Just be aware that if you do have that obsession for alcohol, your subconscious mind will be finding reasons to convince you that drinking is a good idea. If that turns out to be the case, you may need some outside help.

You may be at an important crossroads in life. One path can lead you to untold pain and suffering; the other leads to a happy and sober future. I hope that your decision is a wise one.

Overexposed,

What finally did it for me? Learning it wasn't the last drink that got me in trouble. It was the first drink. Avoid that first one, and avoid all the problems that come with the 2nd, 8th, 12th... Etc.

So happy you shared with us. We have the same unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I can go without drinking for a couple of weeks but when I do look out! I can't stop. I think that is why I questioned if I was a alcoholic for so long. I never got the shakes, never drank during the week etc. But I new the answer all along just didn't want to admit it to myself and am still battling it. I know this I can not just have 1 or 2 will go till I pass out or black out and that is a serous problem and very dangerous for our health. As a result of binge drinking I had a heart attack last year at 45. You came to the right place for support and agree give a meeting a try. Your young and have a wonderful life ahead of you, if can't control it best bet don't drink so you can live a long and happy life!

PH54, I've reached out to a therapist and I actually have an inital consultation tomorrow... I've tried it several times and haven't seen a change but I want to be healthy for myself and those that I love... there has also been much that has gone on in between the last time I actually spoke with someone so I'm hoping it will help find my trigger. There are times I can drink and be fine, and then there are times I get so carried away with the fun i am having I can't stop. I think that between getting professional help and not drinking I will come closer to happiness. I don't surround myself with heavy drinkers and I think I have a very strong support system, so I am hopeful.
I just want my family to be happy and I don't want them to experience what I did as a child.

I did not know that I was an abused child, until I went into therapy. Now sometimes, I laugh to myself, when I hear some tell of the abuse that they had. It's nothing compared to what I went through. I look at my abused childhood as an advantage. As an Adult,when life deals me blows, I pick myself up, shake off the dust, and go on with my life. I don't wallow in self pity. The doctors were amazed at my attitude, as I, sober, went treatment for two unrelated cancers.

I though that I could not become an alcoholic, because I was intelligent. Little did know know that the compulsion is hardwired in the brain. If i take a drink, it will start over again. I was 24 yrs sober, when I drank again, to escape the pain of my son's death. The alcoholism immediately kicked in. It took me several years to find a path the led me to sobriety again.

Well this forum certainly puts this into perspective - I certainly am doing - overexpose - I can do Monday to Thursday with 1 or 2 but sleep real bad but come weekend, I blow the lot and raid those optics and bottles of wine. Wish I felt bad the day after but I dont, I feel good coz I have slept a blissful sleep - but I wake up really annoyed to have had so much.

I too have had abuse in the past and I also have a daughter I have not seen for 20 years coz she fell out with her dad and decided to cut ties with me also. Consequently I have four grandchildren the oldest being 18 I have never met. So drinking has been my refuge and saviour. But there does come a time when you think - do I really want to die just yet - maybe not - and do I really want it to be painful and very unpleasant - maybe not. I dont know if I have left it too late, but am going to kick this piece of crap (booze) right up the bum. You are so young, you can easily stop this, and the guys on here are brilliant for giving positive energy and honesty.

I can relate to u