Alcoholism Support Group

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I lost my virginity last night

linajoy
linajoy
And I blame it on the alcohol. I've discussed this before but I relapsed (from 7 months of sobriety) a couple of weeks ago and lately I've been drinking pretty much everyday.

Friday I told my girlfriend that I couldn't talk to her anymore because I wanted to stop hurting her due to my alcoholism (until I sought help). So we decided to not communicate for awhile.. Feeling like shit I decided to go with my friend to Palm Springs this weekend and what-do-you-know there was this ugly guy attracted to me.

The whole place was loaded with alcohol.

I drank, unsurprisingly, and I didn't plan on having sex with anyone because first off, I was a virgin, secondly, I would've NEVER had promiscuous sex with a STRANGER for my first time.


But after that stupid game of TRUTH OR DARE, things progressed.

If I wasn't fucking drunk this wouldn't of happened. I don't know why, and I hate myself more and more when I think about it. I don't even sleep around with people.

I felt like throwing up afterwards.

I don't know what to do.

We didn't even think of using protection (and I was so wasted to even care) that I had to get the morning-after pill this morning.

I felt so bad I called my girlfriend and told her everything. We're back together again.

But as far as what happened last night, I hate myself for it. I feel so disgusted.

I wish I hadn't of drank. It's amazing how much of a different person I become when I drink. I really can't do this anymore.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am really sorry that you are feeling that way - its a big deal, and you can't turn back the clock or push a "rewind" button. You have to just move on and learn from the way you feel right now. Don't let it happen again, until you are ready, and I don't think you are. Do not beat yourself up - you are your own worst enemy right now. Take care of yourself. Talk to friends, get outside, walk, exercise, whatever. Don't drown away your shame in drugs or alcohol. That will only make it worse. Send me a message if you want to talk. - piper
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't know what to say to make you feel better. I too lost my virginity while under the influence of alcohol at a much younger age than you, granted it was long ago.
Please don't be down on yourself, you made a mistake, accept it, learn from it and move on. I know it's easier said then done at this stage of the feelings your having. I'm glad to hear that your girlfriend is there for you.
We all change under the influence of drugs and alcohol. You know you have issues with substance abuse, I suggest you seek out NA and or AA, everyone is accepted and loved in these rooms no matter how young or old. It will help you understand your not alone.
(((BIG HUGS))) and prayers your way.
Stay on the boards you can learn a lot from the people here.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Ohhh dear I am so very very sorry. I hear how disgusted you are, and disappointed. Virginity is a big deal to a lot of woman, and it sounds like nothing you took lightly when you were at yourself. Maybe this is a wake up call for you that this "disease" will keep taking parts of your body, mind, and soul, if you continue on this dark path. Please get some help for yourself, see a therapist, join AA whatever you need to get on the right path. The farther down the wrong road you walk the longer your journey back to find the right path. Your not a bad person, you made a mistake while your brain and body were held hostage. Take care of yourself, if you need to chat I'm here for you. Peace and Blessing vibes being sent your way. Take care.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Take care of yorself now. What is done is done. You need to also be tested for any communicable disease--it was only one time, but you need to make sure you are addressing everything.
As for feeling badly--alcoholics do awful things, to both themselves and others, when they are drinking. The list of horrors from my drinking days would curl your toenails. The process of recovery helps you address any shame you may feel from past actions and also teaches you how to treat yourself with respect. You are very young--it would be wonderful if you could start this process sooner rather than later--less wreckage to sort through.
Good Luck
deleted_user
deleted_user
Make the second time a sober one.
deleted_user
deleted_user
The good thing you realize it is a big mistake. Some of us who do become quite flirty think differently. I never thought that when you drink, things can get out of control. It is hard to think when you do something like sleeping with some random guy is freaking cool at the time but you lose. YOU LOSE more than your flower. You can WIN when you know that sleeping around is not for you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
The good thing you realize it is a big mistake. Some of us who do become quite flirty think differently. I never thought that when you drink, things can get out of control. It is hard to think when you do something like sleeping with some random guy is freaking cool at the time but you lose. YOU LOSE more than your flower. You can WIN when you know that sleeping around is not for you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Lina, that's a one time gig,, I know it is rough.. Learn from it, that never has to happen again.
You are a gorgeous young lady, find somebody special, and chill.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm impressed to find anyone that actually cares that they gave this away during a drunken bout. Most don't care it seems and it's a rite of passage that they're proud of, no matter how it went down.

Seems you have a good head on your shoulders IMO.