If, as you say, he doesn't have an issue w. drinking - he may not have to go out to have his drink out instead of having it at home - he may just opt not to have it. That's what my husband did - absolutely blows my mind that he could truly take it or leave it. Normies have no idea what a gift that is. : ) Keep plugging away - you're heading in the right direction.

Hi there and welcome to the group. Admitting we have a problem is a difficult and frightening thing to do so I am glad you realise that you need support.

I was just like you, I wished i could to stick to one or two drinks but I couldnt no matter how hard I tried. Once I started I couldnt stop. It destroyed my life. Hardest was when I decided the only thing I could do was to not drink at all and then found that I couldnt do that either. I always ended up drinking despite all my best intentions not to. That was when I really realised that I needed help because there seemed to be no way I could stay sober on my own.

The good news is that coming from that position I have been sober for several years. So it is possible.

Talk to your husband but from my experience I have found that i cant rely on other people to do things for my sobriety. I have to be able to stay sober regardless of what other people are doing. I cant expect other people to change just because I have decided to. It might be that your husband is willing to do what you ask but you cant make your sobriety contingent on it.

Good to have you here, hope you are going to get some of what you need. Dont hesitate to ask questions or post about what is going on. There are lots of people here who will be willing to share their experience with you.

I think he does know you drink too much. If he is anything like my wife, she will ignore it so she can justify her drinking.

I use to harp on here, now I let her start her drinkathon Friday-Sunday.

When I drank, I never said anything to her, because, I wanted to drink.

Strange how this all works....good luck

Hello Magpie2,

I dont know if you are familiar with the old rhyme about magpies which goes: One for sorrow, Two for joy, Three for a girl, Four for a boy, Five for silver, Six for gold, Seven for a secret, Never to be told, Eight for wisdom, Nine a kiss, Ten is a bird, You must not miss.
You now have the opportunity to have that joy that we are told comes from seeing 2 magpies.

Like Nicky has said you need to do it for yourself. During years of drinking we try to arrange people and things in the way that we think that they should be but the problem is that matters hardly ever stay as we would like them. We do this even more when drinking becomes a problem and it gets a bit like rearranging the chairs on the deck of the Titanic after she has hit the iceberg.

The passengers on the Titanic had to take some drastic action if they were going to survive and it is the same for us problem drinkers. Like those poor people who were groping around in the dark searching for the lifeboat, we have to follow directions in order to overcome the drinking problem. Very often, that means admitting that we cannot do it alone and it means looking for and accepting help. For me that help came from other people who had overcome the same problem and I found those people at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.

It may be best to let your husband do whatever he decides to do on Wednesday but for you to concentrate on your own journey of sobriety. If you are going to succeed you need to make sobriety your top priority and put it before everything else. Dont think days ahead but tell yourself instead that you will not take a drink TODAY. Then it may well be a case of Two for Joy.

Maggpie2 Stopping drinking is never an easy thing to do. Having support from your significant other would be great but Not necesssary. What you need to understand is that if you cant stop drinking once you've started you have probably crossed the line into alcohloism.Once you've crossed that line theres no going back.On line support is great but I suggest you contact your nearest Alcoholics Anonymous central office and find the nearest meeting in your neighborhood. Alcoholism is a disease and without help it is too much for us. There is so much more to alcoholism than just quitting drinking. In meetings of AA there you will find the help and support that you need.I realize you may not want to go but believe when I tell you Things will always get worse from this point on and you're going to need help.My recovery prayers are with you . There is a solution. Greg

welcome here....we will give it our best to direct you to sober living but it is you who controls the arm raising with a drink of booze in the glass going to your lips...do not take the first drink from now on and you cannot get drunk...put the plug in the jug

hugs bill

Thanks to you all. I especially like the comment about the Magpie. I had never heard that. You know I have thought about going to AA. I just can't bring myself to do that yet. I don't know how many meetings are out there. But I guess I just have too much shame and embarressment right now. I own a business and doctors are my clients. I found one meeting right next to a doctors office I know. Also next to the gym I go to. So I'm afraid of them finding out and not trusting me to run their businesses. See I'm a functional drunk. I usually only drink on the weekends. Usually at home. I've never gotten into any trouble. Today is my birthday. I haven't drank all week. So if I can take this day this new year of my life and have my birthday wish of staying sober come true with out face to face meetings that would be ideal. If I can't I've gone this far I'll take the next step. I know I am strong. I've survived so much doom in my life. I've turned it around to be something that makes me stronger. To become a success in my schooling, my family, my business, even my health (with this one exception) I can't let this be the thing that beats me. My mom was addicted to drugs and alcohol and many others in my family. I've actually been the only one to go to college and stay out of trouble. I keep telling myself that having a few hours of feeling high is not worth the days later of feeling the shame. Even when I don't act like a jackass. I still know I went over my limits yet again and I feel like I hate myself. I don't want that anymore. It's hard though. Currenlty there are two open bottles of wine in my house. Another full one. "for cooking" my husband says. Well one was for me on mothers day. I didn't finish it because I went to the vodka that has been in the cabinet since April 13. There is still some of that. Also about a six pack. I've decided to take Antibuse until it is all gone. So I'm know I physically can't have it or bad things will happen. My husband had a big birthday party and everyone bought him a bottle. SO there has been alot of booze here since April 13th. Temptation is a bitch. Thanks for listening.

Hello Magpie2,

Here is wishing you a very happy birthday.

The people that you find at AA meetings are folk who would not normally move in the same circles. Lawyers, doctors, clergymen, housewives, bankers, manual workers, office workers and people who were skid row bums you will find them all and more at AA meetings. Most of the time you will not even know the background of the people you meet because there is no need for them to go into such details about themselves. What brings them together in the one place on equal terms is the fact that they share a common problem. Although sharing a common problem brings together these people from so many diverse backgrounds, that alone would not keep them together. What keeps them together is that they have found a common solution to their problem.

If you can avoid drinking without going to AA you will have found a good enough solution that works for you. However, if you are not drinking but constantly struggling with thoughts of drinking and afraid to be around other people who drink, then you are always going to be in danger of relapse. What AA offers you is a means of removing that urge to drink and a formula that ensures that it does not return. You will then be happy to accept other people as they are and being around drinkers will not bother you.

Shame and embarrassment, along with fear are emotions that are pretty common to people who have lost control over alcohol. I have met hundreds of AA members and I doubt if even one of them actually wanted to go to AA meetings at the start. However, once they could see what was on offer to them they set aside their pride and became willing to do whatever it took in order to get sober. Like you and like many others I too was a functioning alcoholic, up to a point but there are two important factors to consider here. Firstly, although I functioned, I passed up on many positive things that I could have done and restricted myself to doing just enough to get by. Now, I am in a position to do a realistic evaluation of what is possible and to work on turning dreams into reality. Secondly, although I functioned as an alcoholic for very many years, there came a time when the downward curve on the graph took a sharp fall and functionality went down along with it. Inside of a relatively short period of time I became severely restricted in what I could do as the result of an increasing need for alcohol. Those are some points that may not apply to you YET but still something to bear in mind.

Alcoholism is a progressive illness and it will always get worse, never better with the passing of time. If you are an alcoholic or on the road to becoming one, you would be wise to consider where drinking is likely to take you in future, and that could be in the near future. You may end up losing your business and everything else with it. Being a strong person will certainly help you up to a point but be aware that once a person crosses the line into alcoholism the element of choice over drinking is often removed and in most cases no amount of willpower will keep such a person sober.