Hello 41anddone,

You won’t believe what I am about to tell you but in spite of your username, you are in fact 41 and about to start living a full life. At least, that is the choice that is now opening up for you. I was 54 when I stopped drinking so you are only a kid yet in terms of what you can achieve.

Your choice is between a half-hearted effort at sobriety that will almost certainly end in failure on the one hand and on the other hand, total commitment to doing whatever it takes. If you are serious, I would suggest going to some AA meetings over the next eight days. If you live in or near a large town, there may well be meetings during the day and at a very minimum, it will pass a couple of hours without having the urge to drink. You could also look to see if you can volunteer to help some charity or do some neighbour a good turn.

Don’t worry for now about things such as feeling like a free-loader as you will have plenty of time to put that right in future. Also, your body will take time to adjust to not having alcohol and there may be some discomfort – talk to your doctor about that.

This can be the start of a great journey that will free you from being weighed down by alcohol addiction. You are entering unknown territory and it is natural to feel overwhelmed but it will get easier. There is no limit to what you can achieve and I wish you well on your voyage.

Thanks for saying that. There are a few meetings in my area, but getting to them is difficult yet worth the effort. I can not mess up this chance at getting help up. Besides of the health issues, I just don't want to drink anymore. That and I have a friend that she and her husband are going to travel 3 hours to make sure that I don't self sabotage myself by trying to chicken out or make excuses. I do not have a clue where this voyage is going I guess I will have to just hold on and see.

Have uou ever been to an AA meeting 41anddone? X

Yes because as they say this is not my first time at the rodeo. Now it will be the first time I have been to an actual rehab center. Now do I think I will always want to drink or find something else to feel the need. At this point in time yes because I am an addict. Maybe a month from now I am hoping my train of thought will change. I have a lot of triggers in my life and my own demons that I have to deal with. One of those demons is people. I am that type that would go to meetings and I would be so wound up I would stop by the store on the way home. There would be some days I showed up at meetings drunk. Yet I am not going to stop fighting, because I am fighting for me.

Hello 41anddone,

Here’s the deal if you are serious about getting sober and continuing to live.

Right now, if you are an alcoholic, your mind is obsessed with drinking and you cannot see a life where you will not want to drink. Therefore, you will need to make big changes to your way of thinking in order to move forward. Going to meetings will help you along the way but meetings alone will not solve the problem. You will probably be introduced to a solution to the problem in rehab in the form of the Twelve Steps and that will be a good start.

It is when you leave rehab that the real work starts. That is when meetings will be important as they will give you an opportunity to listen to other people who have overcome the same problem. When you find a lady who has the sort of sobriety that you would like to have, ask her if she would become your sponsor and help you through the Steps. You do not have to put yourself under pressure to talk at meetings – listening can be more important than talking.

There is however a time and place where you can talk to other people in a relaxed manner and that is over a coffee before and after the meetings. Therefore, if you arrive early and leave late, you can learn a lot.

The real work is starting now but I can not force my self to get behind something I don't believe. I just don't like the meetings.

O.K., that’s your choice.

I didn’t believe in it either but I was desperate enough to give it a try.

You may be doing the relative a favor by allowing her to help you so you need to learn to let go of all that guilt and rehab will show you how to do that as well as teach you some coping skills. They will also teach you how to deal with your triggers, if it's anything like the one I attended. If you know what your triggers are, you can make a plan to avoid them.

I think one of my first AA meetings, I actually raised my hand and spoke about stopping at the grocery store and buying beer and when I was finished talking, three quarters of the people each, one at a time, told me their own personal story about how they conquered their own triggers similar to the one I was experiencing! This all took place over the next 45 minutes. I never forgot it because it blew my mind that so many people had so love and compassion in their hearts that they wanted to give back by helping me deal with my trigger! That was also the day that I met my first sponser who introduced himself to me after the meeting and offered his services. That's not how it usually works but there was alot of love in that room and I benefited from it when I made them aware of my problem. From that point on, life gradually got better.

God Bless